REM's 5

If you are to choose only five REM songs

The Ten Worst Moms

Time Magazine took the safe route by offering the ten worst mothers ever. The first nine are fictional and the tenth is of course, you know her. Mommy Dearest.
So lazy boy, here's your chance to greet your Mom five ways.

Crazy Post

I am in Ilocos right now, listening to a local Ilocano radio station announcer reading texts. One sender wrote "BTW" and the announcer tried pronouncing it as "bitiw" or "bitew" or "bataw." Dumbfounding. Fifty words women hate Number 9 is male pattern baldness. No 20 is Superbowl.
Tentacle love. Please explain

Five More Things I Learned from the Gucci Gang Controversy

1) It's not advisable to have a wiki entry about you. Especially if you are controversial, you have to edit and re-edit your life because of the vandals and truth-tellers. Case in point: Tina Tinio, of course
2) Friendster is better. Brian just had a friendster account. Of course, Tina T wants to be your friend.
3) Why do we hate Tina Tinio? Her photo with alleged Celine Lopez's ghost writer, Bea Ledesma, is so...challenging. They take up too much space you don't know if they were posing beside Mayon Volcano. Chocolate Hills, the manor of Nash or Smokey Mountain.
4) Some people actually check Brian's blog every five minutes waiting for his every word. And then they comment, First! The problem is they aren't so they look like fools.
5) Jobert Sucaldito as Tim Yap??? Then Boy Abunda as DJ Montano would suffice. And another thing, Boy Abunda really uses his magic mirror because his columns for the Star mirror the wikipedia

100 Best Last Lines

this way this way this way this way this way this way this
way out this
way out
O

–Ronald Sukenick, Out (1973)


This is the difference between this and that. –Gertrude Stein, A Novel of Thank You (1958)

Now everybody— –Thomas Pynchon, Gravity’s Rainbow (1973)

And the last word from the ringleader of Gucci Gang:

And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One! –Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol (1843)

Tiny sabi nyo e di Tiny. More here

BELOIT COLLEGE'S MINDSET LIST®

Every year since 2001, the teachers of Beloit College comes out with the Mindset List for the students and their own sanity. It is a way of saying these things don't exist to this class anymore and this thing which didn't exist when you were in school is now commonplace. Here are some of the 70 midsets for the Class of 2011 (for those born in 1990):

1. What Berlin wall?
2. They never “rolled down” a car window.
3. They have grown up with bottled water.
4. General Motors has always been working on an electric car.
5. Nelson Mandela has always been free and a force in South Africa.
6. Pete Rose has never played baseball.
7. Rap music has always been mainstream.
8. Religious leaders have always been telling politicians what to do, or else!
9. “Off the hook” has never had anything to do with a telephone.
10. Music has always been “unplugged.”
11. Russia has always had a multi-party political system.
12. Women have always been police chiefs in major cities.
13. They were born the year Harvard Law Review Editor Barack Obama announced he might run for office some day.
14. The NBA season has always gone on and on and on and on.
15. Classmates could include Michelle Wie, Jordin Sparks, and Bart Simpson.
16. Half of them may have been members of the Baby-sitters Club.
17. No one has ever been able to sit down comfortably to a meal of “liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti.”
18. .Being “lame” has to do with being dumb or inarticulate, not disabled.
19. They never found a prize in a Coca-Cola “MagiCan.”
20. Multigrain chips have always provided healthful junk food.
21. They grew up in Wayne’s World.
22. U2 has always been more than a spy plane.
23. They were introduced to Jack Nicholson as “The Joker.”
24. Commercial product placements have been the norm in films and on TV.
25. On Parents’ Day on campus, their folks could be mixing it up with Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz with daughter Zöe, or Kathie Lee and Frank Gifford with son Cody.
26. They drove their parents crazy with the Beavis and Butt-Head laugh.
27. Being a latchkey kid has never been a big deal.
28. Thanks to MySpace and Facebook, autobiography can happen in real time.
29. They learned about JFK from Oliver Stone and Malcolm X from Spike Lee.
30. Most phone calls have never been private.
31. Smoking has never been allowed in public spaces in France.
32. China has always been more interested in making money than in reeducation.
33. They get much more information from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert than from the newspaper.
34. They’re always texting 1 n other.
35. Avatars have nothing to do with Hindu deities

Words in Memory of Fischer

Actually, terms. Now you can't be at a loss for words while basorexing or tubicinating or playing dirty chess:
Amomaxia (AM-uh-MAX-see-uh) - Love-making in a parked car.
Amychesis (AM-i-KEE-sis) - The involuntary act of scratching or clawing your partner in the heat of passion.
Agelast (AJ-uh-last) - A person that never laughs
Anorchous (an-ORK-us) - Devoid or deprived of testicles; in colloquial lingo, "has no balls.
Ascian (ASH-ee-in) - A person without a shadow
Brassirothesauriast (bruh-zeer-oh-thuh-SAW-ree-ast) - A person who collects brassieres or pictures of women wearing them.
Basorexia (BAY-zuh-REK-see-uh) - An overwhelming desire to kiss or neck.

Buccula (BUHK-yuu-luh) - A double chin.
Coitobalnism (KOH-i-toh-BAL-niz'm) - Sex in the bath or shower.
Cacocallia (KAK-uh-KAL-shee-uh) - The paradoxical state of being ugly but at the same time sexually desireable
Colpocoquette (KAHL-puh-koh-KET) - A woman who knows she has an attractive bosom, and who makes good use of its allure.
Cingulomania (SING-gyoo-loh-MAY-nee-uh) - A strong desire to hold a person in your arms.
Dysania (dis-AY-nee-uh) - The state of having a rough time waking up and dragging yourself out of bed in the morning.
Dactylion (dak-TIL-ee-ahn) - The tip of the middle finger.
Erotographomania (e-RAHT-uh-GRAF-uh-MAY-nee-uh) - A mania from writing ardent love letters, or an obsession with erotic riting.
Horripilate (hahr-RIP-uh-layt) - To get goose bumps.
Hirsutophilia (hur-S(Y)OOT-uh-FIL-ee-uh) - Attraction to hairy men.
Krukolibidinous (KROO-koh-li-BID-i-nus) - Crotch-watching; having one's gaze fixated on the crotch.
Litch (LIH-ch) - A mass of tangled, matted hair.
Lalochezia (LAL-uh-KEE-zee-uh) - The use of foul or abusive language to relieve stress
Latrinalia (LA-tri-NAY-lee-uh) - Bathroom graffiti.
Mammaquatia (MAM-uh-KWAY-shee-uh) - The bobbing or jiggling of a woman's breasts when she walks, dances, or exercises.
Melolagnia (MEL-uh-LAG-nee-uh) - Amorous feelings inspired by music.
Medectasia (MED-ek-TAY-zhee-uh) - The bulge seen through a man's clothing created by his genetalia.
Misomaniac (Mis-oh-MAY-nee-ak) - A person who hates everything.
Noeclexis (NOH-i-KLEK-sis) - The practice of selecting a partner based on intellegence and character without regard for physical attractiveness.
Onychophagy (AHN-i-KAHF-uh-jee) - The habit of biting one's fingernails.
Ozoamblyrosis (OH-zoh-AM-bli-ROH-sis) - Loss of sexual apetite because your partner has wicked B.O.
Paneity (pun-NEE-i-tee) - The state of being bread.
Polylogize (puh-LIL-uh-jyz) - To talk excessivley.
Peotomy (pee-AHT-uh-mee) - Amputation of the penis.
Sphallolalia (SFAL-oh-LAY-lee-yuh) - Flirtatious talk that does not lead to amorous action.
Sacifricosis (SAK-oh-fri-KOH-sis) - The practice of absentmindedly fiddling with your genetalia through your pants pockets. "playing pocket pool" or "pocket hockey"
Typhlobasia (TIF-luh-BAY-zee-uh) - Kissing with the eyes closed.
Timotrudia (TIM-uh-TROO-dee-uh) - Sexual timidity or bashfulness.
Tripsolagnophilia (TRIP-suh-LAG-nuh-FIL-ee-uh) - The desire to obtain sexual pleasure from massage
Trichotillomania (TRIK-oh-TIL-uh-MAY-nee-uh) - A compulsion to pull out one's hair.
Tubicination (t (y)oo-BIS-i-NAY-shin) - The act of blowing on a brass wind instrument.
Viricapnity (VI-ri-KAP-ni-tee) - The aura of virile sexuality presumed to emanate from a man who is smoking.
Witzelsucht (VITS-ul-suukt) - A feeble attempt at humor.
Zoanthropy (zoh-An-thruh-pee) - The delusion that one is an animal.

Don't Start the Blamestorm, Hating "Woot" is Pecksniffian

Merriam-Webster's #1 Word of the Year for 2007 based on votes from visitors to our Web site:
1. w00t (interjection)

expressing joy (it could be after a triumph, or for no reason at all); similar in use to the word "yay"

2. facebook
   
   
3. conundrum
   
   
4. quixotic
   
   
5. blamestorm
   
   
6. sardoodledom
   
   
7. apathetic
   
   
8. Pecksniffian
   
   
9. hypocrite
   
   
10. charlatan

Zorn's Rules to Live 50 By

Eric Zorn, a columnist of Chicago Tribune, wants to share these to you. I highlighted those I found original and funny:

I’m turning 50 next week. So I thought I’d take the opportunity here to list 50 things I’ve learned in 50 years—truths gleaned from experience and the words of others that guide, inspire and sometimes haunt me:

1. It’s better to sing off key than not to sing at all. 2. Promptness shows respect. 3. You can’t avoid offending people from time to time. When you don’t mean it, apologize. When you do mean it, accept the consequences. 4. The first person to use the expression “Get a life!” in any dispute is the loser. 5. The medium is not the message. Those who issue blanket condemnations of any form of communication—be it TV, tabloids, text messages or blogs—simply aren’t paying attention. 6. The most valuable thing to have is a good reputation, and it’s neither hard nor expensive to acquire one: Be fair. Be honest. Be trustworthy. Be generous. Respect others. 7. Prejudice and bigotry is hard-wired into us. You can’t overcome it until you acknowledge it. 8. Don’t be bothered when people don’t share your tastes in music, sports, literature, food and fashion. Be glad. You’d never get tickets to anything otherwise. 9. Cough syrup doesn’t work. 10. Empathy is the greatest virtue. From it, all virtues flow. Without it, all virtues are an act. 11. The Golden Rule is the greatest moral truth. If you don’t believe in it, at least try to fake it. 12. Keeping perspective is the greatest key to happiness. From a distance, even a bumpy road looks smooth. 13. You can’t win arguing with police officers or referees, but every so often you can fight City Hall. 14. It’s not “political correctness” that dictates that we try not to insult others’ beliefs and identities. It’s common decency. 15. It may not feel like it, but it’s good luck when you have people at home and at work who aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re wrong. 16. It’s 10 times easier to fall in love than to stay in love. And no matter what the sad songs say about romance, broken hearts do mend. 17. Don’t waste your breath proclaiming what’s really important to you. How you spend your time says it all. 18. Keeping an open mind is as big a challenge as you get older as keeping a consistent waistline. 19. It’s never a shame when you admit you don’t know something, and often a shame when you assume that you do. 20. Wounds heal faster under bandages than they do in the open air. 21. Fear of failure is a ticket to mediocrity. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not pushing yourself. And if you’re not pushing yourself, you’re coasting. 22. Anyone who judges you by the kind of car you drive or shoes you wear isn’t someone worth impressing. 23. Grudges are poison. The only antidote is to let them go. 24. If you’re in a conversation and you’re not asking questions, then it’s not a conversation, it’s a monologue. 25. In everyday life, most “talent” is simply hard work in disguise. 26. Great parents can have rotten kids and rotten parents can have great kids. But even though biology plays a huge role in destiny, that’s no excuse to give up or stop trying. 27. Four things that most people think are lame but really are a lot of fun: barn dancing, charades, volleyball and sing-alongs. 28. Two cheap, easy self-improvement projects: Develop a strong handshake and start smiling when you answer the phone. 29. When something that costs less than $200 breaks and it’s not under warranty and you can’t fix it yourself in half an hour, it’s almost certainly more cost-effective to throw it out. 30. Most folk remedies are nonsense, but zinc really does zap colds. 31. Physical attraction is nice, but shared values and a shared sense of humor are the real keys to lasting love. 32. To keep dental visits regular, schedule your next appointment on your way out from your last appointment. 33. The 10-minute jump start is the best way to get going on a big task you’ve been avoiding. Set a timer and begin, promising yourself that you’ll quit after 10 minutes and do something else. The momentum will carry you forward. 34. Laundry day is much easier when all your socks are the same and you don’t have to sort them. 35. Candor is overrated. It’s hard to unsay what you’ve said in anger and almost impossible to take back what you’ve written. 36. Goals that you keep to yourself are just castles on the beach. If you’re determined to achieve something, tell people about it and ask them to help you stick with it. 37. Mental illness is as real as diabetes, arthritis or any other disease, and no more disgraceful. It’s the stigma that’s disgraceful. 38. In crisis or conflict, always think and act strategically. Take time to figure out what the “winning” outcome is for you, then work toward it. 39. All the stuff you have lying around that you’ll never want, need, wear or look at again? It just makes it harder to find what you do want, need or intend to wear. File it, donate it or throw it out. 40. Exercise does not take time. Exercise creates time. 41. Almost no one stretches, flosses or gives compliments often enough. 42. It pays to keep handy a list that includes a trusted plumber, electrician, locksmith, appliance repair specialist and heating contractor. When you really need one is no time to start looking. 43. The store-brand jelly, cereal, paper goods, baking supplies and pharmacy products are good enough. 44. When you mess up, ’fess up. It’s the fastest way, if there is one, to forgiveness. 45. When you’re not the worst-dressed person at a social event, you have nothing to worry about. 46. Be truthful or be quiet. Lies are hard to keep track of. 47. Your education isn’t complete until you’ve learned to take a hint. 48. There’s a good reason to be secretive about your age. People tend to assume things when they know how old you are. “Oh, he’s turning 50,” they might say, for example, “probably full of cranky self-lacerating aphorisms that he thinks qualify as wisdom.” 49. Whatever your passion, pursue it as though your days were numbered. Because they are. 50. Readers love lists. You got to the bottom of this one, didn’t you?

Films of 2007

I didn't know film critics can be so divided until I scanned all the "Top 10 Films of 2007" of most of the newspapers and others. Even within New York Times, they only agreed on two films. But for me and my taste, I agree on Village Voice and La Times.
I also like VV's Top 10 Experimental Films. Remember, it was VV which chose Kidlat Tahimik's Mababangong Bangungot and Turumba in the list.

Salon's Best

The CIA's torture teachers: Psychologists helped the CIA exploit a secret military program to develop brutal interrogation tactics -- likely with the approval of the Bush White House. By Mark Benjamin

Bjørn Lomborg feels a chill: Global warming doesn't faze the infamous author, who argues that polar bears are doing fine and Al Gore is way too hot under the collar. But can the "skeptical environmentalist" back up his rosy views? By Kevin Berger

Why bathroom sex is hot: Larry Craig is the latest politician to get caught with his pants down. So what is the eternal allure of sex in a stall, and does it make you gay?
By James Hannaham

The readers strike back: Massive online feedback has rocked writers and changed journalism forever. This brave new world is filled with beautiful minds and nasty Calibans and everything in between. Its benefits are undeniable. But do they outweigh its insidious effects? By Gary Kamiya

Tinky Winky says bye-bye to Jerry Falwell: The former TV star recalls the trauma of being called gay by the conservative preacher. By King Kaufman

The dark legacy of Carlos Castaneda: The godfather of the New Age led a secretive group of devoted followers in the last decade of his life. His closest "witches" remain missing, and former insiders, offering new details, believe the women took their own lives. By Robert Marshall

It's easy for soldiers to score heroin in Afghanistan: Simultaneously stressed and bored, U.S. soldiers are turning to the widely available drug for a quick escape.
By Shaun McCanna

Plastic bags are killing us: The most ubiquitous consumer item on Earth, the lowly plastic bag is an environmental scourge like none other, sapping the life out of our oceans and thwarting our attempts to recycle it. By Katharine Mieszkowski

The fall of man: For ages, impotent men cowered in shame and submitted their penises to terrible remedies. Yet in time, a new cultural history shows, relief would arise for their private misfortunes. By Laura Miller

The Mormons are coming: Long before Mitt Romney and "Big Love," Mormons were demonized as polygamists, prudes and vampires. But Mormonism just may be the first major world faith since Islam. By Andrew O'Hehir

Inside the Creation Museum: Adam and Eve frolic amid the dinosaurs in the new $27 million museum that demonstrates Darwin has nothing on the Book of Genesis.
By Gordy Slack

"I'm Not There": This dazzling film explores the idea of Bob Dylan, "poet, prophet, outlaw, fake, star of electricity." By Stephanie Zacharek

Buzzwords

The New York Times through Grant Barrett's article brought out their buzzwords of the year. Here are some selections:

bacn n. Impersonal e-mail messages which, unlike spam, you have clicked and so deserves the annoyance.

boot camp flu n. "An adenovirus that is usually innocuous but in its latest strain has led to pneumonia and death. The virus often occurs among military recruits, who are susceptible to it because they live in close quarters under stressful conditions" OK, so this is also what ails our PMA cadets. An eager correspondent wanted to bring out the meningo into it. Hopefully he was contained.

chief sustainability officer n. A business executive hired to meet environmental regulations and to find ways to profit through environmentally friendly products and services.

crowdsource v. To use the skills or tools of a wide variety of freelancers, professional or amateur, paid or unpaid, to work on a single problem.

e-mail bankruptcy n. When your inbox was so filled with many messages not spam that you found impossible to answer because you have not opened your email for all time, you declare bankruptcy from your senders. This happens when you join egroups with a huge following, all sending chain letters like the baguio web international. Beware!

FTW interj. For The Win. A bragging exclamation of approval, as in “K-Fed got the kids FTW,” or “I was able to open the file with Photoshop. FTW!!!” Originally part of the patter of the game show “Hollywood Squares” and later found in online games like World of Warcraft. Now largely used ironically and sarcastically.

global weirding n. An increase in severe or unusual environmental activity often attributed to global warming and includes freakish weather and new animal migration patterns.

gorno n. A genre of movies that are gory almost to the point of being fetishistic. A blend of “gore” and “porno.”

-hawk suffix Indicates a haircut similar to a mohawk. Sanjaya Malakar, a contestant on “American Idol,” sported what he called a ponyhawk. Shawn Andrews of the Philadelphia Eagles described his haircut as a brohawk, something akin to a short mohawk on a black man. An older use is fauxhawk, in which the hair is styled in a vertical strip but none is cut.

I-reporter n. CNN’s name for citizen journalists who submit their own photographs and reports about news events.

kinnear v. To take a candid photograph surreptitiously, especially by holding the camera low and out of the line of sight. Coined in August by Stephanie Pearl-McPhee of the Yarn Harlot blog when she attempted to take a photograph during an encounter with Greg Kinnear at an airport.

life-stream v. To make a thorough, continuous digital record of your life in video, sound, pictures and print.

lolcat n. On the Internet, an odd or funny picture of a cat given a humorous and intentionally ungrammatical caption in large block letters. Originally called a cat macro.

make it rain v. phr. To drop paper money on a crowd of people, especially in strip clubs, nightclubs or casinos.

maternal profiling n. Employment discrimination against a woman who has, or will have, children. The term has been popularized by members of MomsRising, an advocacy group promoting the rights of mothers in the workplace.

mobisode n. A short version of a full-length television show or movie, suitable for playing on a mobile phone or other hand-held electronic device.

mom job n. Also known as a mommy makeover, this is a package of cosmetic surgery procedures that will reduce the visible effects of childbirth, like stretch marks or sagging.

multi-dad v. Said of a woman who has children by more than one man. First popularized in Britain.

Navy shower n. A very short shower in which you turn off the water while lathering up. This old term is also known as a G.I. bath, but it’s new to many in the drought-stricken Southeast. Its antonym is the Hollywood shower, a long, wasteful one. Here it's long known as sisid marino.

nose bidet n. A neti pot or nasal irrigator, said to help with allergy symptoms.

post-kinetic environment n. In military jargon, the site of an explosion, severe gunfire or a destructive engagement. Unlikely to be used in the Philippines because it takes a lot of seminars to explain post, kinetic and environment.

tumblelog n. A Web site or blog that is a collection of brief links to, quotes from, or comments about things a person has encountered while Web browsing. It is a sort of digital commonplace book.

vegansexual n. A person who eats no meat, uses no animal-derived goods and prefers not to have sex with non-vegans.

EW's Eoww! Five Worst Books of 2007

1. IF I DID IT (The Goldman Family)
According to O.J. Simpson, whose name was purged from the cover of his ''confession,'' it was all her fault. Nicole Brown Simpson was manipulative, whiny, and confused. She wore ''ridiculous'' short skirts, partied with druggies and hookers, and kept O.J. from seeing his kids. And so if he did it — if he slashed her throat and slaughtered her friend Ronald Goldman one balmy night in 1994 — the exasperating lady had it coming. A bloody glove could have written a more tasteful book.

2. THE ALMOST MOON by Alice Sebold
The narrator of Alice Sebold's queasy second novel smothers her elderly mom, then calmly reflects: ''When I was a teenager, I thought every kid spent sweaty summer afternoons in their bedrooms, daydreaming of cutting their mother up into little pieces and mailing them to parts unknown.'' Actually, they don't. The few who do may be the only readers who relish this unsavory melodrama.

3. 7: THE MICKEY MANTLE NOVEL by Peter Golenbock
With this trashy fictionalization of Mickey's miserable life, Peter Golenbock manages to strike out, pop up, hit into a double play, and foul a ball into the stands, beaning a little kid.

4. CELEBRITY DETOX by Rosie O'Donnell
Here's what you learn from Rosie's sloppy, score-settling memoir: She hates Donald Trump with such a fury she can't see straight; she worships Barbra Streisand more than seems healthy; she can't ''poop'' in public restrooms. Thanks for sharing, Ro.

5. BOOK OF THE DEAD by Patricia Cornwell
Like a putrefying corpse left too long on forensic pathologist Kay Scarpetta's table, Patricia Cornwell's thrillers just get stinkier and stinkier. Her latest gory specimen is in such bad shape it's virtually unrecognizable as a novel.

Ringtones

 AT&T's best-selling ringtones of the year are as follows:
  1.  Shop Boyz - "Party Like a Rockstar"
  2.  Mims - "This Is Why I'm Hot"
  3.  Soulja Boy - "Crank That (Soulja Boy)"
  4.  Nickelback - "Rockstar"
  5.  Akon - "Don't Matter"
  6.  T-Pain - "Buy You A Drank (Shawty Snappin)"
  7.  Hurricane Chris - "A Bay Bay"
  8.  Sean Kingston - "Beautiful Girls"
  9.  Huey - "Pop, Lock & Drop It"
  10. Fergie - "Big Girls Don't Cry"

Ten Filipino Buzzwords

I coined these while stuck in the Holiday traffic.

1) Culture of puniness: akin to “culture of impunity” but instead of being callous, this term goes to the root. “Puny” does not only mean “small” or “tiny” like President Gloria M. Arroyo (PGMA) but also the smallness of empathy, conscience and integrity of the people in the government which allows the killing of people who point out this fault.

2) Friendsterism: I’ve been using this term a long time ago. Why do Filipinos use “friendster” over other social networking sites like Facebook, mySpace etc? Because we want to be direct. We love abstract words. We use “friendster” because we want to make friends. We invented “love virus” because we know that people just want to be loved.

3) Pratsfall: (from Camille Prats) You are a cute mestiza. In Pinoy showbiz, that’s enough to make you a starlet. So you have youth, fame, commercial endorsements, movies. Then you got pregnant. Her PR friends tried to make a game of who the father is but people don't care. That’s the end of your fame, dahling. No second act.

4) Bossanian empiricism: (from Bozanian empire) The tendency of Filipino music heads to cash in on “bossa nova.” Sitti Navarro, she with the outrageous diction, started it all. Then we have Sophia, Cinderella bossa, VST bossa, religious bossa, Ilocano bossa. After all, it’s not that hard to do. Even in circa 1970’s Yamaha organs, bossa is just one flick of the switch.

5) CBCPal bull (also H-scad): The tendency of mainstream media to treat all “pastoral letters” from the Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines as the argument to end all arguments, similar to the papal bull. Politicians know this. When PGMA was tagged as the most corrupt president Philippines ever had, the Inquirer took a photo of her beside a picture of Christ with the flaming heart. Context: I may be corrupt but God is with me so sorry ka na lang (you’re the Lucita Soriano, sore loser) H-scad means “highly scandalous acts against decency” which is the term used in the House of Representatives, of all people, for their new bill imposing higher penalties against H-scad.

6) Call-centeredness: You are a fresh graduate. You are made to train to speak in an American drawl. Then you get to talk at midnight to Americans as you guide them on the wonderful tedious world of computer or telephone operation. You have this notion that you are talking to a very important American who has more important things to do other than learning how to operate the computer. You are teaching God’s chosen people! Sometimes they bawl you out. That’s OK. Sometimes you have a feeling you are talking to illiterates but that’s OK. You are here guiding those who will save the whole world. If only...

7) Dedma texting: From dedma and texting, of course. This explains the rising number of vehicular accidents in the country because the motorists and pedestrians are busy texting. No wonder, this term was coined from “dead man walking.”

8) Political Korectonism: During the past elections, the only wonderful result was that many showbiz people lost in the elections. Maybe the voters are becoming politically savvy (good luck!). Sen. Ralph Recto knew this. Throughout his married life, he was referred to as “Mr. Vilma Santos” and he used this tag in gaining his first senatorial term. Then in his second run, he thought: Hey, I am the apo of Claro M. Recto, one of the country’s most brilliant and respected statesman. So he changed his motto from “Mr. Vilma” to “Ko-Recto.” Nice shift. He lost. Vilma won.

9) Sinigangstah: “Sinigang” is Pinoy’s favorite food (fish broth soured by tamarind or Knorr Sinigang Mix) but sinigangstah is actually a combination of “sine” and “gangstah.” This is highlighted by Jim Libiran’s “Tribu” which is a story of the many gangs in Tondo. It’s a tragedy because everybody died in the end but it won the Cinemalaya and is now reaping awards abroad. Expect many more movies of the sinigangstah genre. No bittersweet endings only sourness to the hilt.

10)Trillaness: The name has become a condition. Hey, he could not have become a senator if no one voted for him so there must be a lot out there who thought he was the savior out to clean government. But all these coup attempts is getting into our nerves. “Trillanes” is becoming just a “trill” or a “Thrillah” which is all spectacle. Many of us realized that change of government using the military may not be the solution but to some sad people, there’s no other way. Also “Barbarias at the Gate” which refers to “OA attempts to quash Trillaness.”

Seven-Minuter Songs

Rolling Stones recently came out with the Best 50 Songs Over Seven Minutes Long. These include Cortez the Killer (Neil Young), Heroin (Velvet Underground), Purple Rain (TAFKAP), One (Metallica), Sad-Eyed Lady of the Lowlands (Bob Dylan), Inna-A-Gadda-Da-Vida (Iron Butterfly), Layla (Derek & The Dominoes), Frankie Teardrop (Suicide), The Message (Grandmaster Flash), The End (The Doors) and Freebird (Lynyrd Skynyrd).

The Dogs of German Gervacio

Hu Let Da Dogs Awt?! Hu-Hu-Huhu!: Isang Desperadong Pag-aaral sa Mga Modernong Bugtong na Walang Gustong Sumagot ni German V. Gervacio

0. Aso kong puti

Inutusan ko sandali

Hindi na umuwi

Clue: pwe!

Sagot:

1. Aso ako ng Puti

Inuutusan ako palagi

Upang maka-loan muli’t muli

Clue: cute po ako at hate ko mga terrorists

Sagot:

2. Aso kong punggok

Sa trono’y iniluklok

Nang pababain ay naghimutok

Clue: hate po niya mga terrorists at cute siya

Sagot:

3. Aso kong tabogol

Kadena’y aking pinutol

Upang tumigil sa katatahol

Clue: Err-rafrafraf, hik!

Sagot:

4. Aso kong itim

Pinabilang ko nang lihim

Trono’y napunta muli sa akin

Clue: kapag bundat na ang linta, nagreresayn nang kusa

Sagot:

5. Aso ako ng punggok

Nang ang tuta ko’y nagpaputok

Nasabon ako mula paa hanggang tuktok

Clue: dog po ako pero parang sa rabbit tenga ko

Sagot:

6. Aso kong panay ang atungal

Sa palasyo nainvite mag-almusal

Pag-uwi may paperbag na busal

Clue: batik-batik po ang aso kong ito, lord

Sagot:

7. Mga aso kong pula

Pinalparan ko na

Panay pa rin ang alma

Clue: Sori, wala pong clue, wala ring ebidensya…

Sagot:

8. Aso kong astang-hero

Mistulang si fernando poe

Nang pulbusin ang mga haybol sa estero

Clue: Sapatusin po kita pag humingi ka pa ng clue!

Sagot:

9. Aso kong may sayad

Tingin sa sarili niya’y isteytsayd

Kuntodo-accent pagbigkas ng “I lied!”

Klu: klut-klut hair niya

Sagot:

10. Mga katahulan kong apatetik

Pinabasa ko nitong aking gimik

Di nangagat panay lang hagikgik

Clue:

Sagot:

The Worst Xmas Songs

From Fay to Z brought out this list of the worst Xmas Tunes (Also read this hilarious article from Baltimore Sun)

1. Feliz Navidad.
   
2. Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney. I’m a McCartney fan, but Christmas obviously brings out the worst in his songwriting. And his synths. Listening to this is like having pine needles inserted under the fingernails.
3. The entire Christina Aguilera Christmas album. Look, the girl can sing. But this record, which I was forced to sit through several Christmases ago, is a festering boil on the buttock of music.
   
4. Christmas Shoes by Newsong is, according to Observer features editor Kristin Askelson, who loves Christmas music, “the only Christmas song I HATE, HATE, HATE.”
   
5. A Spaceman Came Traveling. Chris DeBurgh is enough of a cretin for inflicting The Lady in Red on the world, but this dreck is almost as bad.
6. Little Saint Nick. I love the Beach Boys, but their music is summery, not Christmassy, and they ripped themselves off by aping Little Deuce Coupe here anyway.
7. Alvin & The Chipmunks. I’m sorry. I just can’t stand the voices.
8. These last three are courtesy of Observer Columnist Jim Pettit. They are the songs that make him “want to bloody Rudolph’s nose.” First up, Please Daddy, Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas by John Denver.
9. Carol of the Bells. “Any song with ‘Ding Dong’ in the lyrics has to be bad unless it’s ‘Ding, Dong The Witch Is Dead’ from the Wizard of Oz,” says Jim.
10. You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch. Jim reckons this may be the worst, “because I change stations any time it comes on.”
11. And I have to add, sorry to her constituents in Batangas, Vilma Santos's take on "I Saw Mommy Kissing San Ta Clawwws" I will find it in my files and inflict it to all of you.
    

We're Making a List (Three) for the Manila Pen Xmas Tree

And we're not checking it twice but now we know who's naughty or nice. Here's three lists regarding the Manila Pen standoff. The two were forwarded and the other one I made. So sioux me:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRILLANES AND COMPANY PACKED UP
1) Not even his mother joined them
2) Oakwood had a better lobby
3) CNN was not there to cover it
4) The hotel had run out of ice cubes
5) The APC's were parked in the lobby and not the parking lot
6) Trillianes realized being teargassed was not part of his mandate as senator.
7) Guingona thought it was an anti-erap, or pro-erap pardon rally, whatever...
8) Surrender was better than the company of Father Robert Reyes.
9) Trillianes noticed people were crying not because of the tear gas but because of him
10) Even GMA was beginning to look better the longer they stayed

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THEY SHOULD HAVE GONE TO VICTORIA COURT INSTEAD
1) They were only gonna stay for a 'short time' anyway
2) Bishop Labayen and Fr. Robert Reyes could have heard confessions
3) They could have wet the towels in the jacuzzi to combat tear gas
4) There are no wedding receptions in Victoria Court. Only honeymoons.
5) It always has more people than Manila Pen
6) The APC won't know which garage to park
7) The ceiling mirrors would have thrown off the raiding party.
8) ABS-CBN could have done an episode of XXX and The Buzz while covering the coup
9) 'What happens in Victoria Court stays in Victoria court'
10) It's a good place to get screwed

TOP TEN REASONS WHY ABS-CBN IS GUILTY
1) Because of the curfew, more people will have more time watching their shows
2) They got the exclusive contract for the Baras-Trillanes fight even before the siege
3) Juday and Ryan announced their wedding at, where else, Manila Pen
4) Hey, Manila Pen can also mean Manila Penitentiary. Nice name for a drama series.
5) If Binay's men can wear blonde wigs, why can't Ces Drilon wear heels?
6) The letter of the police to ABS-CBN is clear of typo errors. How possible is that?
7) ABS-CBN is in the banner headlines of Inquirer for two days and running. How possible is that?
8) Nash of England sent us this
snippet. If the Philippine Army is seen by the foreign press as incorruptible compared to the Arroyo administration, then everybody is guilty indeed:











9. "Hanapin si Faeldon" has "reality hit show" written all over it. I've also heard that an angel tipped ABS-CBN about this. Not Angel Aquino, dearie but a baby angel. What's the partner of a seraphim? Ok. Translate it to Spanish.
10. Maria Ressa said that the ABS-CBN performed a "minor miracle" regarding their early transmission of events at Manila Pen. The most intriguing question among the other media is: When did ABS-CBN ever perform a minor miracle?

Bonus: here's an article on why teenage Liberian rebels wear wigs so you would know why Colon did the same.

Best Comics to Movies, Levels of Fiction Greatness and Other Manifestations of Ossification

This is what I meant by not "writing." Anyway, Hoot gives you the best movies to come out of comics. Tao Lin is funny with the greatness level in fiction. There's centipede in the dark to the really great: F-16 FIGHTER PLANE SHOOTING MISSILES AT A HUT IN IRAQ WHILE SOMEONE INSIDE IS SHITTING IN A HOLE AND TRYING TO READ A COPY OF 'PORTNOY'S COMPLAINT' THAT WAS AIRDROPPED BY ACCIDENT 10 YEARS AGO IN AFGHANISTAN. Funny, but sad when you think of yourself and where are you now. Also, The Cebu inmates' Thriller is trailing the Cute Prairie Dog in Neatorama's Top 5 Viral Videos of 2007. Vote to help the despotic Byron Garcia think of more music videos. From one of my favorite alt-newspapers: Seattle's Stranger. Also there's a paperback on the funniest title so far: Celine Dion's Let's Talk About Love: A Journey to the End of Taste (33 1/3) by Carl Wilson. And finally when you go to Quiapo, clip this Rolling Stone's Top DVD for 2007.
BTW, Evel Knievel is dead at 69. A host of diseases converged to kill him.