Thursday, June 28, 2012

Crazy Catz

Monday, June 18, 2012

Wanted: Baguio Witches

Wanted: Baguio Witches
Formal Designation: "The weyward Sisters, hand in hand, Posters of the Sea and Land...(Shakespeare, Macbeth)" also "Those pesky women who get in the way of development in the city of Baguio"
With the death of Leonora San Agustin (UP's first chemical engineer aka the Witch of Jungletown) and the recent death of Cecile Afable (Doyenne of Baguio Media aka the Witch of P. Burgos), the city of Baguio needs someone to accompany Gene de Guia (Baguio's Only Lady Mayor aka the Witch of Scout Lim) in the fight for what Baguio used to be and what it stands for.
Sex: preferably Female. Although the original Three Witches used to be accompanied by Mayor Ping Paraan who sadly was caught by the demographics (mainly that women outlive men)
Age: Eighty and above. But let's see if there are worthy applicant a few years younger. It's not being anti-ageist but in this job, it is a must that you should have seen Baguio in its youth. No amount of watching old movies on Baguio or downloading old photos can qualify you for this. You should know what it feels like to walk on Burnham Park in the morning and step on the frosted meadows. You should have seen the rivers traversing it when it was clear. You should have been used to seeing fireflies and May beetles and monkeys coming down on your buzz as you pass by Zigzag road. Your skin should have been used to single-digit weather. When you hear the 6 pm Angelus your first impulse is to just freeze and pray for your blessings. You remember that time when everyone older is either "Uncle" or "Auntie." As for your real age, you should defend it till you die. 
Hometown: You should spend at least half a century in Baguio. Those who went abroad and came back like they know everything wrong with Baguio and can cure it, please pack your brooms and don't come back. You can, however, bring along the special Baguio brooms which we all know came from La Union or Nueva Vizcaya.
Special qualifications:
1) You should be much acquainted with the media and see them as allies not as enemies out to bring out your secrets.
2) Humor is a must although with the Witch of Jungletown, that humor can be of the hard-to-get type
3) Your heart should be in the right place. Carved inside the pine trees.  
4) You should be very intelligent. So intelligent you can beat men in the battle of wits with a single repartee. So intelligent, you can beat President Marcos in a college debate. Humor is also very important. You must laugh at the graves of your enemies and lovers.
5) You must be the bestest. No ifs and buts.
6) Your children should be as good as you. But not better.
7) Dancing skills highly required. Not only in ballroom dancing but in the various indigenous dances.
7) You must be a connoisseur in Arts.
8) You must have balls in a manner of speaking. You must tell whoever is the Mayor to fck off right in his face. You must be willing to lead protest rallies and tell the police officers, I used to kick the asses of your fathers who were also policemen. You must be able to twist the arms of the politicians while pinning their followers on the floor.
9) Leadership skills required. Leadership and management trainings in Harvard, AIM, etc will never be accepted. You must have the mark of a leader on the day you were born.
10) Of course, you must know how to brew (intrigues, development plans, backroom politics), cast a spell and make Baguio a better place than when you left.
Hurry! Submit your applications now. You know  where to submit it. Those who will submit theirs at the Baguio City Hall will be immediately disqualified. 
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