GMA Nalintikan

Can't they see the sign? When PGMA was addressing her allied bishops and priests at Baguio Cathedral, a particularly loud thunderclap hit the vicinity. It was so strong where I was at SM, that the gang of boys beside my table shrieked. I twittered about jokingly that the media should prepare for lightning as PGMA was set to talk. And she did and it did thundered. I don't know if the brownout was caused by the lightning but I wouldn't be surprised. Of course, she thanked the bishops for their support to her regime aka kleptocracy. And of course, she told them about her anti-poverty program which of course did not include her stepping out of office and killing the Gonzales twins and the Abalosers. And since it is the opening of the poverty summit, she should have just worn a Tshirt with THE CAUSE written on it. She looked so holy and the bishops just loved it. But God showed her disgust by throwing lightning at the Cathedral. The media will not include that phenomological aspect in their writing, of course. They will talk about her program like it's their first time to hear it.

Hogs turned to Kitty, by Amazing PGMA

Apparently, pigs went to pigs. Or (fund for) pigs turned to (election) kitty. In other words, the Greedy Gang went hog wild.

The government may have spent some P900 million out of its P2.46-billion swine program to fund the 2004 election campaign, a civil society lawyer said Wednesday. In an interview on dzBB radio, lawyer Harry Roque Jr said he is now organizing the documents involving balances of up to P900-million in the government swine program involving Quedan and Rural Credit Corp. (Quedancor). Notably, the balance was spent during an election year, Roque said.

Hoy Gloria! Bayaran mo Strawberries mo!

A farmer in La Trinidad billed the office of the President P6,000 for the strawberries she and her staff collected for the photo opportunity. Ignacio Canuto said PGMA got 60 kilos last Black Saturday. For P100 a kilo, that goes for P6,000. Fair enough? Not so, sabi ng DA. They paid him P7,200 to shut up and not to talk with the media.
Well, better than coming up with a blog and telling the president to pay up! Team Ignacio! Yap yap yap

Bad EggS

Nanay Mameng Diunida, chair of the urban poor organization KADAMAY), led members of her organization, the Anakpawis partylist and the NNARA Youth-UP Diliman in an Ouster Sunday egg hunt at the public market in Trabajo, Sampaloc. They searched for the Easter eggs until they collected all the 10 eggs that spell OUST GLORIA.
Also:
A UROLOGIST
GUITAR SOLO
RIOTOUS GAL
OUT GO RAILS
RITUAL GOOS
GOAL IS TOUR
SUGAR TO OIL

The Sins of Patronage

Everyday there are full-page ads from a local government unit or a group of LGUs vowing their support of the administration of President Arroyo. Today, there was a correction of an ad from the Assumptionistas eternally beholden to the President. It corrected names of deceased included among the signatures. A full page ad from the Inquirer costs about P250,000. The Assumptionista correction cost about P75,000. This infuriates me because they eat up space that would have had stories from journalists like me. Instead, we are bumped off because the mayor of Maasin, Southern Leyte is spending a huge chunk of its IRA to say that he loves to lick the ass of an evil person. Until I remembered what a powerful person in authority told me last week: that these ads were paid by the government. It all made sense now. You pay for the ad so that you can have a semblance that people are still on your side while at the same time, you dislodge stories that are mostly critical of your government. This is the essence of the patronage politics. Hey, I pay you so that you will support and silence me. President Arroyo (God Bless her Soul) will be paying generals, mayors, governors and many, many others until 2010. She will be using up our money to silence these potential enemies. She has to stay till 2010 because she has to pay the people who made her buy her way through the elections. Which meant that she had to extend her term to pay off her enemies now. That's why we also need to cut her now and cut cleanly.

To PGMA, a Foetus

Dear President Arroyo,

Because of your stand on population management (Pray to the Lord that you will not get pregnant), this is what happens:

A janitor found a dead fetus in a restroom at the Philippine presidential palace on Thursday and police were looking for the mother, officials said. Brigadier General Romeo Prestoza, head of the Presidential Security Group, said authorities were trying to track down a woman seen leaving the restroom at dawn. Access to the presidential palace is highly restricted, but hundreds of people work there.

PGMA Clamps Down on NGOs

In another effort to upstage her idol Ferdinand Marcos, President Arroyo turns her goo-goo eyes on the NGOs, many of whom are critical of her administration. She abolished a self-regulation scheme for NGOs which entitled them to accept tax-deductible donations. Instead of the Philippine Council for NGO Certification giving the OK signal, NGOs would now have to deal with her through the Department of Social Welfare and Development, the Department of Science and Technology, the Philippine Sports Commission (PSC), the National Commission for Culture and the Arts (NCCA), and the Commission on Higher Education (CHED). In other words, if the NGO is critical of PGMA, these five government agencies could say that you can not get funding from accredited foundations like Coca-Cola, SM, Lopez Foundations and the like. This would weaken "local philantrophy" and make the NGOs temper their stand on her governance jsut so they can get a go-ahead. The PCNC had been established in 1998 as a self-regulating scheme and is backed by the biggest NGO consortiums. Now say goodbye to your independence, NGOs, as President GMA signed EO 671 stripping PCNC of its powers and them into her iron hand again. Or maybe the most corrupt President in recent history thought that the foundations fund her "pet" NGOs instead. PGMA should realize it was the NGOs which helped her into power.

The Dogs of German Gervacio

Hu Let Da Dogs Awt?! Hu-Hu-Huhu!: Isang Desperadong Pag-aaral sa Mga Modernong Bugtong na Walang Gustong Sumagot ni German V. Gervacio

0. Aso kong puti

Inutusan ko sandali

Hindi na umuwi

Clue: pwe!

Sagot:

1. Aso ako ng Puti

Inuutusan ako palagi

Upang maka-loan muli’t muli

Clue: cute po ako at hate ko mga terrorists

Sagot:

2. Aso kong punggok

Sa trono’y iniluklok

Nang pababain ay naghimutok

Clue: hate po niya mga terrorists at cute siya

Sagot:

3. Aso kong tabogol

Kadena’y aking pinutol

Upang tumigil sa katatahol

Clue: Err-rafrafraf, hik!

Sagot:

4. Aso kong itim

Pinabilang ko nang lihim

Trono’y napunta muli sa akin

Clue: kapag bundat na ang linta, nagreresayn nang kusa

Sagot:

5. Aso ako ng punggok

Nang ang tuta ko’y nagpaputok

Nasabon ako mula paa hanggang tuktok

Clue: dog po ako pero parang sa rabbit tenga ko

Sagot:

6. Aso kong panay ang atungal

Sa palasyo nainvite mag-almusal

Pag-uwi may paperbag na busal

Clue: batik-batik po ang aso kong ito, lord

Sagot:

7. Mga aso kong pula

Pinalparan ko na

Panay pa rin ang alma

Clue: Sori, wala pong clue, wala ring ebidensya…

Sagot:

8. Aso kong astang-hero

Mistulang si fernando poe

Nang pulbusin ang mga haybol sa estero

Clue: Sapatusin po kita pag humingi ka pa ng clue!

Sagot:

9. Aso kong may sayad

Tingin sa sarili niya’y isteytsayd

Kuntodo-accent pagbigkas ng “I lied!”

Klu: klut-klut hair niya

Sagot:

10. Mga katahulan kong apatetik

Pinabasa ko nitong aking gimik

Di nangagat panay lang hagikgik

Clue:

Sagot:

We're Making a List (Three) for the Manila Pen Xmas Tree

And we're not checking it twice but now we know who's naughty or nice. Here's three lists regarding the Manila Pen standoff. The two were forwarded and the other one I made. So sioux me:

TOP TEN REASONS WHY TRILLANES AND COMPANY PACKED UP
1) Not even his mother joined them
2) Oakwood had a better lobby
3) CNN was not there to cover it
4) The hotel had run out of ice cubes
5) The APC's were parked in the lobby and not the parking lot
6) Trillianes realized being teargassed was not part of his mandate as senator.
7) Guingona thought it was an anti-erap, or pro-erap pardon rally, whatever...
8) Surrender was better than the company of Father Robert Reyes.
9) Trillianes noticed people were crying not because of the tear gas but because of him
10) Even GMA was beginning to look better the longer they stayed

TOP TEN REASONS WHY THEY SHOULD HAVE GONE TO VICTORIA COURT INSTEAD
1) They were only gonna stay for a 'short time' anyway
2) Bishop Labayen and Fr. Robert Reyes could have heard confessions
3) They could have wet the towels in the jacuzzi to combat tear gas
4) There are no wedding receptions in Victoria Court. Only honeymoons.
5) It always has more people than Manila Pen
6) The APC won't know which garage to park
7) The ceiling mirrors would have thrown off the raiding party.
8) ABS-CBN could have done an episode of XXX and The Buzz while covering the coup
9) 'What happens in Victoria Court stays in Victoria court'
10) It's a good place to get screwed

TOP TEN REASONS WHY ABS-CBN IS GUILTY
1) Because of the curfew, more people will have more time watching their shows
2) They got the exclusive contract for the Baras-Trillanes fight even before the siege
3) Juday and Ryan announced their wedding at, where else, Manila Pen
4) Hey, Manila Pen can also mean Manila Penitentiary. Nice name for a drama series.
5) If Binay's men can wear blonde wigs, why can't Ces Drilon wear heels?
6) The letter of the police to ABS-CBN is clear of typo errors. How possible is that?
7) ABS-CBN is in the banner headlines of Inquirer for two days and running. How possible is that?
8) Nash of England sent us this
snippet. If the Philippine Army is seen by the foreign press as incorruptible compared to the Arroyo administration, then everybody is guilty indeed:











9. "Hanapin si Faeldon" has "reality hit show" written all over it. I've also heard that an angel tipped ABS-CBN about this. Not Angel Aquino, dearie but a baby angel. What's the partner of a seraphim? Ok. Translate it to Spanish.
10. Maria Ressa said that the ABS-CBN performed a "minor miracle" regarding their early transmission of events at Manila Pen. The most intriguing question among the other media is: When did ABS-CBN ever perform a minor miracle?

Bonus: here's an article on why teenage Liberian rebels wear wigs so you would know why Colon did the same.

Gloria's Nose

"A Day in the Life of Gloria" is an animated feature with President Gloria Arroyo's nose turned into Pinocchio's whenever she lies, which is most of her breathing time. Not really an original concept as I've seen this turn out even in works written by children. But I have not watched "A Day..." because the MTRCB banned it for putting PGMA in a bad light. The MTRCB has long had a dismal history so I'm not complaining. Activists in Manila showed "A Day..." and "Mendiola" in the light of what was happening to Filipino artists and media recently. The National Press Club, suffering from gout, "censored" a mural made by Angono artists. Medi a were handcuffed using plastic straw for covering the Manila Pen Standoff and ABSCBN was reprimanded for their impeccable coverage. Anyway, here's the first part (I think there are eight parts) of Gloria as Pinocchio:

Ominous

petition online informed me that I just signed an online petition calling for the immediate resignation of PGMA and Noli de Castro. Much as I detest her administration, I have not willingly signed the petition. What if this is part of Martial Law and one way to arrest me?

Leaving Manila

I had to leave Manila in a rush. They declared martial law already in the city. The bus stations were full, most leaving anyway and most suddenly wanting to leave sooner than they wanted. I was slated for 12 mn and left at 11 pm because I don't want to be caught in the curfew. Not that it matters but it's too much a hassle and too much baggage on my back. The coup attempt was so imbecile and obvious (Nov. 30 Araw ng Mga Bayani, hello) but it still caught us flatfooted. I was in the area, for example. But the reaction of the government is so, so "playing in the iron gloves." Now she can have her dictatorship!! First, she declared Martial Law in our bedrooms. Now she's taking over the nation. How sweet. And on the Holidays, she would be in Baguio declaring Peace and Understanding. Then I have to find a place to leave again.




And I was just telling people that Etihad was one of the best we rode into. So now we can't leave on this jetplane also.

Wrong Number

Ha ha ha! My friend Teddy Baguilat, the governor of Ifugao, was in the front page of the Philippine Daily Inquirer without lifting a finger, I mean phone. President Arroyo tried to call him and got a wrong number.
"Hehe. I really think they dialed the wrong number because I had my two CPs with me," the governor texted just now (5:20 am). "Kept waiting for their call. Eventually we talked."

Jonas

From Ed M:

Vice President Noli

Three years ago, I wrote this and I think I forgot to send it. I was looking at it a while back and thought it is still relevant because Noli remains a political eunuch

TOP TEN REASONS WHY GMA CHOSE NOLI DE CASTRO AS HER VICE-PRESIDENT

10) She now has her own personal news reader.

9) As a concession to the Nora Aunor fans, GMA asked Tirso Cruz III as her running mate but Pip declined so she got somebody from the Bicol region instead.

8) Hermie Aquino is taken. Joke. Joke. Joke.

7) So what if he only sponsored two bills while in the Senate. GMA’s most memorable memories involved two Bills – when she was Bill Clinton’s classmate in Georgetown University and when she met Bill Gates.

6) Since the country has adopted the bilingual policy, Noli de Castro can take care of the Filipino side.

5) Noli De Castro’s anagram is “Second to Liar.” Sorry, “Second tailor.”

4) Bayani Fernando kept on saying “Magandang Gabi, Bayani.”

3) My Past Vice-President is too good for me.

2) Now that Cardinal Sin is retired and Bro. Eddie Villanueva is running, GMA needs somebody who has a direct contact with God. Noli de Castro believes in his heart that God is texting him.

1) GMA Made a Secret Deal with GMA-7. If Noli de Castro Gets elected as Vice-President, like all VPs, he will never be heard of again.
--

Gov’t takes responsibility for girl’s suicide: Inquirer.net story

Gov’t takes responsibility for girl’s suicide

Assures steps to ease hunger, poverty
By Lira Dalangin-Fernandez
INQUIRER.net
Last updated 05:51pm (Mla time) 11/08/2007

MANILA, Philippines -- The government is taking responsibility for a 12-year-old girl who took her life because of extreme poverty but assured that steps are being taken to ease hunger and poverty, officials said on Thursday.

At a news conference in Malacañang, Health Secretary Francisco Duque said the government is taking responsibility for what happened to Mariannet Amper, who hanged herself inside her family’s makeshift house a day after her father told her he could not give her the P100 she needed for a school project....

So would this mean that PGMA and her cabinet would do harakiri? Because everybody wants to take the blame for the suicide of Mariannet. Months ago, another young girl from Malate committed suicide. Same thing. We blame ourselves and then move on. Enmity is nothing unless you do something. Maybe like President Arroyo and Mayor Atienza, we let people have sex only for procreation and then let them go hungry because God will provide.

Divorce

One thing I learned in this conference is that Philippines and Malta are the only countries that do not permit divorce. Hooray for La Filipinas! The country with the most number of happy marriages! No? Well, take it on the other side. At least President Arroyo and Mike Arroyo are together till they die. What a faithful pair!! No?

I am Amelia Earwax

(Actually that was Delfin Tolentino's original but I can't resist)At first, you thought it was the girl picking her nose who would do it but it was the pink guy on the other side who snaked into his ear and ate his earwax. Eeew. That is Kevin Rudd and he may be Australia's next prime minister.

"What Kind of People Would Do That?"

This was what Norberto Gonzales, GMA's Security Adviser, said about the Glorietta bombing. He later said that only mga "sira-ulo" would think of such thing. Gonzales was a member of the Light-The-Fire Movement which bombed PICC during the Marcos years. The LTFM may be considered a patriotic act now (notwithstanding the fact that Nonoy Zuniga lost a leg during the blast) but if Marcos is still in power now, where would Norberto be in the scheme of things? The fact that the government authorities were so fast in finding the culprit (Rajah Soliman Group) and slow in admitting that a bomb containing C4 caused it makes everybody suspicious of the involvement of the government. "What kind of people would do that," he asked. Of all people.

The Last Girl Scout. Ang Kyut-Kyut Niya!