Part III: Gucci-Gucci Coup

Part III of CW (aka Mel Orlina) report:

PGMA. Winner. Evil. Bitch. Ingrate. Medusa. Galema. And these are just some of the flattering adjectives heaped on this Teflon president. Stick and stones may hurt her bones, but last time we checked (March 16, 2008 4:30 pm), she is still the President of the country. Happily hopscotching on the grounds of Malacanang via her Unity Walks with the governors, mayors, students, barangay tanods, security guards, nightclub bouncers, and the transvestites of Makati Avenue. To this, Gloria can only say : "Isaksak mo sa baga mo Joe De V., at mamatay ka sa inggit Erap."

Print Ads Supporting PGMA. Losers. Funny that those expensive full-page ads supporting GMA mushroomed only AFTER the crucial inter-faith rally. These seguristas waited to see the full effect (which is nil, by the way) of the much ballyhooed rally before showing their support. And the ads are getting weirder and weirder by the day. From an obscure mayor of a forgotten town in Abra to the tricycle driver's association of Malolos, Bulacan. Please! Trees gave up their lives to have those precious papers printed.

The Inquirer. Loser. A Tabloid pretending to be a Broadsheet. No offense meant to tabloids, of course. At least, tabloids are cheaper, and they have Dear Xerex. While the Inquirer has sensationalism, bias-ness, yellow journalism, and Dolly Ann Carvajal. Enough said.

The Philippine Star. Loser. For having all those pseudo-writers in its stable. Especially those "lifestyle, entertainment, and fashion writers (read: The Gucci Gang and Butch Francisco)" whose only qualification is their connection to the publisher.

The Manila Bulletin. Winner - Loser. CW calls this the autistic newspaper. May sariling mundo. While most local newspapers would have the same headline (ex. ZTE scandal or Inter-faith rally), the Manila Bulletin's headline is about the arrival of some African head of state. They say Ignorance is Bliss, but this is overdoing it. CW wouldn't be surprised if there would be a tsunami today at the Manila Bay, and Bulletin's headline tomorrow would be about the 100th anniversary celebration of GSIS.

Jamby Madrigal. Loser. Is there a cure for verbal diarrhea? This woman has the rare ability to consistently embarrass not only herself but the institution she represents. The senate seat that rightfully belongs to Judy Ann Santos is now being occupied by this Miriam-wannabe. And what a mess she is doing. While Sen. Santiago is as volatile, at least Miriam has the brains, the articulateness, and the legs for the people to forgive, smile, and look the other way.

But there is hope for Jamby. Once in a rare while, she can mouth relevant statements too. To Sen. Pia Cayetano, she admonished: " instead of doing marathon, cycling, triathlon, synchronized swimming, sepak-takraw,and tumbang-preso….. e mag-trabaho ka sa senado." Or something to that effect. Winner!

Stock Market. Loser. From a high of 3,800 points last year to 2,800 points last week. CW has been losing sleep over the fate of the meager investments it made culled from CW's pathetic Christmas Bonus last year, puny Annual Merit Increase last January and Vacation Leave commutation in February.

Please, dear patron saint of stock markets, make the Philippine stock performance bullish again. That investment is meant for an out of the country vacation this September. At the rate the stock market is going, CW's dream vacation will not happen in Bhutan, but in Hinulugang Tak-tak, Antipolo.

Games of the GG Part II

The Greedy Group vs. Whistle-Blower-Probinsyanong-Instik-Who-Suddenly- Found-Instant-Fame-And-Is-Now-Acting-Like-A-Politician (WHPIWSFIFAINALAP). Losers. While the Gucci Gang Scandal has a cast of a thousand beautiful people, the Greedy Group Scandal features a cast of a thousand ugly people. The investigation tackled a whole range of yummy topics ranging from melo-drama (must the star witness always cry and look perplexed and constipated?), sex (a witness who can not testify for fear of being outed by at least two senators who themselves should be outed), comedy (hambur-jer, bukol, tong-pats. A surprise witness who caused the senators to be surprised), action (a man kidnaped at the airport, brought to Laguna, and before one can say Sister Act III, was rescued by nuns), and a whole lot of mystery (money by the billion dollars, and who the hell is F.G.?).

Jun Lozada (J.Lo) and Joey De Venecia . Winner – Loser. Winner for preventing that dirty ZTE deal to push through and, exposing the shenanigans of the very dirty Abalos. Losers because as the feisty Miriam would say "this is just a fight for kickbacks". Pare-pareho lang kayo.

If anything, Joey is a winner for being instrumental in the removal of Yoda (his over staying father) as speaker of the house, and as the head of his political party. To this, thank you Joey. On a lighter side, CW's officemate is wondering if the real father of Joey de Venecia is Mayor Sanchez of Caluan, Laguna. Not because they both committed heinous crimes, but they both sport heinous hair-dos.

As for J.Lo. CW thinks he is telling the truth. Well, most of of the time anyway. But please, Clarissa Ocampo he is not. CW finds J.Lo too glib, too showbiz, and too politician for comfort. The act is fast becoming stale, J.Lo. As the Melanie Marquez would say : You can cry once, you can cry twice, you can even cry thrice…but you can never cry four. CW does not want to think the fate awaiting this man once his usefulness has dried-up.

Benjamin Abalos. Loser. CW can not think of an adjective to describe this creature. Except, Ang Tigas ng Mukha Mo! You are about to kick the bucket Mr. Abalos, so think of the legacy you are leaving behind your grandchildren. All carrying the Abalos name. Please, have some decency.

My take on the "decent" Abalos family. They held a presscon a month ago. It's a telling, the reporter wanted it to be touching but No!, story. The Abalosses held a Mass but Ben wasn't there. Where, you ask. But of course, golf.
And his lawyer had the temerity to say that "he was stressed enough.' No time for God, but golf, Yes. Greedy, but leisurely, bastard.
Then the son had this to say about his mother:

“My mom wasn’t sleeping. We have not had a good night’s sleep for the past two years,” Benhur said

Sleepless nights: Check

"According to Benhur, his nephews have been teased and taunted in school because of their grandfather."

Unjust vexation: Check

Hey, if the decent Abalosses go on, they can get rich suing the people.

Greedy Meets Gucci Part I

forwarded message:

WINNERS – LOSERS : THE HEAT IS ON.

From the Greedy Group to the Gucci Gang. From Jamby to Janina. From Ramielle Malubay to Rovilson & Marc. Conventional Wisdom is at it again. To rant. To rave.


The Season of Lent is a good time to reflect on the good, the bad, and the ugly events we have been experiencing for the past months. Conventional Wisdom (CW) a firm believer in the saying what will not kill you will only make you stronger, is back and fortunately, has not succumbed to aneurysm caused by the scandals heaped upon by the likes of Gretchen, Kris, Ruffa last year.

Unfortunately, only to be replaced by even bigger scandals these past months. Read on, and find out the latest score card.

The Gucci Gang vs. Conned-Aussie-Gay-Guy-With-HIV-Seeking-Revenge- Through-His-Blog (CAGGWHIVSRTHB). Losers. Probably the biggest and hottest scandal du-jour after the ZTE. Gloria Arroyo should be sending thank you notes or better yet, cash (via Western Union) to Brian (the CAGGWHIVSRTHB) for taking the heat out of the Senate ZTE investigation. Giving us, the masses, what can only be described as a nuclear melt-down to gawk at.

Spanning two continents, the blog features a cast of thousand beautiful people (ok, not all beautiful. As the acronym T.I.M. Y.A.P. rightfully spells : T. Inang Mukha Yan, Ang Pangit) involve in drugs, sex in all its permutations, and con artists posing as society boys and girls. The blog tackled a whole range of delicious topics ranging from suspense (a murder cover up inside an exclusive condo), action (police raid of someone's room in the middle of the night in picturesque Boracay) comedy (the clam chowders, or married rich men who actually like other men, but pamper their trophy wives to death), horror and science fiction (all the fat, ugly, and balding high society people who think they are svelte, gorgeous and, with full hair), sex (someone asking for head inside a running elevator), and documentary (a dissection of someone's personal hygiene). This is Discover Channel at its Best.

Brian's blog makes Gossip Girl, Devil Wears Prada, and The Nanny Diaries look like The Sound of Music. Next to Celine Lopez, Kris Aquino is a nun. The blog is vile, dirty, bitchy, and oozing with venom. CW likes it.

We may not wear Gucci. We may not be able to set foot in your clubs. We go to StarMall instead of Greenbelt 5. We ride on that can of sardines masquerading as MRT, and we buy our lunch from the Jolli-jeep. But we do honest work for an honest pay. And we live real, meaningful lives. Thank you very much.

You Still Have a Chance to Join the Gucci Gang or Be a Playboy Pinoy Centerfold

Still no winner of the Superlotto 6/49. 42-43-27-24-21-7! The pot was worth P216,452,088.00. The pot is expected to reach P230 million. Of course, that is still peanuts for Ben Abalos. Also, subtract P3 M if you want Brian's blog to stop. Get your ticket before the Sunday draw.
Also on the left side, our man "Doc" Prudente is dead. Prudente, a political prisoner during the Martial Law years, was a pillar of the education sector. He headed the PUP, then known as the Philippine College of Commerce. On Nov. 11, 1987, Nemesio survived an ambush by unidentified gunmen in Manila's Sta. Mesa district. He survived the attack.
On the front side, Loren Legarda said that she will go after thepinoytube.com for being lewd and exploitative of women and children. Remember the winning combination? 42 and 43 year old men preying on women 27, 24, 21 and 7 years old? I am not aware of the site until Loren mentioned it. The good senator also successfully sued boybastos.com last year.
Playboy Philippines was also launched. No frontal nudity so L.L. could be on the centerfold. I heard they want Tina T's sister to grace the magazine. I much prefer Tina T.

Another Five Things I Learned from Brian

1) You wait for months, even years, for a leather bag. What do you need to wait for? An elephant or a seal with impeccable skin and great fashion sense?
2) No matter how touching your story is. If you misspell the last word, people would remember you for that. It's called "Last Word Syndrome."
3) The way to Celine's heart is to show her a Vogue article about "Twenty Must-Haves" and let her choose one. The way to Tina T's heart is to show the Aristocrat Restaurant menu and let her choose all or one. The way to Pepper T's heart is the locker room of the Pen.
4) Yugatech has many enemies
5) Whatever happens to the blog, it would be discussed in Philippine Journalism 101. I will not have respect to those teachers who will not.

The Daily Brian Fix

I decided not to open Brian's blog and read the Star instead because it's free in McDo. I only noticed that Bea Ledesma, the alleged ghost writer of Celine Lopez, still has a column and -- I don't know if it's the printer's error but -- she is all red. She was bathed in red light and although the "pensive from below"made her look slimmer, she looks like a lechon. And she still refused to talk about Brian.

This is a Tim Yap Post

And it is in French, so you can enter with a visa to Embassy

This is not a DJ Montano Post

This is not a Tina T Post

This is my idol, Aretha Franklin, from a recent engagement. The comments in the Celine in a bikini made me tune off for now. The comments are nasty but not witty. The Stupids have taken over.

Five More Things I Learned from the Gucci Gang Controversy

1) It's not advisable to have a wiki entry about you. Especially if you are controversial, you have to edit and re-edit your life because of the vandals and truth-tellers. Case in point: Tina Tinio, of course
2) Friendster is better. Brian just had a friendster account. Of course, Tina T wants to be your friend.
3) Why do we hate Tina Tinio? Her photo with alleged Celine Lopez's ghost writer, Bea Ledesma, is so...challenging. They take up too much space you don't know if they were posing beside Mayon Volcano. Chocolate Hills, the manor of Nash or Smokey Mountain.
4) Some people actually check Brian's blog every five minutes waiting for his every word. And then they comment, First! The problem is they aren't so they look like fools.
5) Jobert Sucaldito as Tim Yap??? Then Boy Abunda as DJ Montano would suffice. And another thing, Boy Abunda really uses his magic mirror because his columns for the Star mirror the wikipedia

Tina T

Brian is officially on leave but the commenting continues. Here's the old Tina T

The new wikied, wicked Tina T!

So I Lied, Here's the Last Post for Today

Psssst. Here's what the prim-and-proper-but-still-tsismosos were saying about "le scandale in la perla Manille"
Don't mention the B word here when you comment

My Last Brian Blog For Today

Hey, don't hate the Gucci Gang. I'm sure some of you anonymous commenters are now queueing for the 6/49 lotto tickets hoping to win the P200 million jackpot so you can finally join them. Hey, and before you do, read the Bible. This is the GG Bible:

Stop the Presses (Hey, They Stopped)! The President Commented on Brian's Blog

It's true! The appearances of Parisian Belle (Is datchu KC?) and Henry, the pusher notwithstanding, it's Madame President's comment that made my day:

March 20, 2008

Dear Mr. Gorrell,

It is my pleasure to personally visit your site. I felt sad that one of our citizens has caused you traumatic and agitated your psychopathic tendencies. I already gave a marching order to study this case and a possibility to pay you back the said amount.

However, I will encourage you to return to my country to receive that amount. The Filipino people will be glad to meet you in person. Incidentally, my present administration has a similar experience to yours. I value transparency, accountability, integrity and honesty, which my people give me a high regard.

Last night, I talked to God for guidance against those who wanted me to resign in my managerial position. God wants me to stay in power until 2009 or more. It is the same God who wants His (gay) people to be liberated against oppression. I am His instrument in bringing PEACE, PROSPERITY, and JUSTICE to this land.

I am also tired and displeasured to hear negative remarks against my family. My direct connection to the Supreme Being has guided me throughout these years. We still pray and kneel before we sleep at night. On the deathbed of the late Pope, he gave me his blessings and persuade me to be always humble. Humility and relying to His providence are the keys for eternal happiness.

Brian, I will direct my "men" to deliver justice for your humiliation. At this moment, I am in Bora for my lenten break. Ug mangita fafa, charing...

Sincerely,

Ate Glue

Health Advisory: Sterilize the Nails for Crucifixion

So it's not enough, to be writhing in pain as you are nailed and suspended under the cruel sun, watched by thousands who wanted you to do something like die. Now the DOH said that you have to sterilize the nails for your health's sake.
Which reminds me of Brian. All these crucifiying.
Hey, he is getting interesting anew. And he is the only one who feels for Marcel Crespo. Tsk tsk. And Tiny Tim is back and OMG the appearance of the apo of The Apo. Our holyhours suddenly became unholyhours.

Have No Moolah to Join the Gucci Gang But Want the Same Hi?

Join the DIY Bucci Gang here

Five Things I Learned from the Gucci Gang

1) Frenemies. enemies acting like they're best friends.
2) Some people actually dream of having HIV+ lovers
3) Chowder. Hmmm. Used to be bulalo.
4) The rich should ukay more often
5) The rich are actually clueless

Hexed Exes of the Bora Rich

After all these excesses, sometimes you wanted to see naman the lives of the bading rurogs.
Napakasimple, may mga tuba gatherers pa and bathing by the waterfalls.

Enough of Brian, Lets Talk About Me: Bryan Boy

Ha ha ha. A quarter of a million holding on to the grapevine about the Gucci Gang. And now, Brian would be opening the comments pages: the most interesting of them all.
But now, we go to Bryan Boy for a schadenfreudeian view of comments:
girl interrupted wrote: Celine stole my doll when we were kids and never returned it
xoxo wrote: I know Brian (personally) and DJ was a passing acquaintance. And yep B's stories are true. DJ is a sleazeball who ripped B off. It's just sad how these blog has rocked and devastated several people including mine. I had 5 days of bad sleep, cant eat and think right. I hope DJ pays up soon. Although B did someting cruel to me as well, I think DJ should get his act up now before this crosses over to mainstream media.
Too late, xoxo
jon wrote: to bring out the crazy: well, let me tell you one thing... i'm rooting for EVERYBODY!!! I'm not taking sides. Team Brian! Team Celine! Team DJ! This whole "thing" is even more screwed up than me which I love!!! It's like anything I blog now is gonna be boring. I mean come on, how can someone TOP that? I spoke to a few other bloggers and they are ALL hooked... NOBODY is blogging anymore lol.
Here's the best:
from vannie
I guess it's almost art. The sordid tale with the glamorous pictures, very well done, very Bret Easton Ellis. But why is your hand on Mephistopheles' leg? And what's with the cheeky smile on your face? Are you his pimp? Are you the Keyser Söze in this tale. I think you are :)