Motto of the Week

“I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

Douglas Adams (via topherchris) (via kylebunch)

James Dean Shows You How to be Un-Jologs

• Lean on Stuff While Standing
• Get as Horizontal as Possible While Sitting
• Assume an Open Posture
• (Take up lots of space)
• Master the Confident Gaze/Fearless Stare/Scowl
• Talk Slowly
• Smile Strategically (No Sycophantic Smiling)

Working Better

How to Work Better by Fischli/Weiss (1991)

“Taped to the wall of my studio is an A4 photocopy of a short ten-point manifesto by Fischli/Weiss entitled “How to work better”. I don’t know who put it there, but it has been in place for at least three years. It’s a tongue-in-cheek work using a motivational statement, which is a piece of found text they subsequently enlarged and had painted on the exterior of a building as part of a public commission. I sometimes show it to students at the beginning of slide lectures, and always point it out to assistants who come to the studio. I like it quite simply because it acknowledges their awareness of the idea of practice rather than production”.

(Ryan Gander, from Dexter Sinister Library)

Semicolon

;

Tough

Jo Ellen Gryzb and Robin Chandler, authors of 'The Nice Factor: The Art of Saying No' want you to stop being too nice and start being tough. Here's their 10-step guide to getting tough

1. Don't smile Smiling gives someone permission to think you don't really mean what you say as you have this big grin on your face
2. Stand your ground Backing off is wishy-washy. Standing your ground gives weight to your intention. This means both physically and verbally
3. Tell the truth Let the other person know what you are feeling. Let them know you aren't comfortable with what they are doing
4. Agree when it's unexpected If someone tells you you're being silly, agree. They have no place to go after that. "You're a bit touchy." "You're right, I am." It takes the wind out of their sails
5. Don't point fingers If you intend to tell someone you don't like their behaviour, start sentences with how you feel, not what's wrong with them. Pointing an accusatory finger will only make them more defensive
6. Make up a list of handy excuses This will get you out of situations long enough to see clearly what's going on before you put yourself back in the fray
7. Change your mind whenever you want to You have the right to change your mind, whether it's two minutes, two hours or two months after the fact. There will be times when you don't want to honour your commitments
8. Keep things short and sweet Gabbling won't help, it just gives the other person rope to hang you with
9. Don't engage Never apologise or explain. Don't supply fuel for someone to use against you
10. Get your 'no' in quickly Set your marker right at the beginning of the discussion. You can always change your mind later, but if you say it fast, it's out on the table and can't be ignored

Five Things I Learned from the Gucci Gang

1) Frenemies. enemies acting like they're best friends.
2) Some people actually dream of having HIV+ lovers
3) Chowder. Hmmm. Used to be bulalo.
4) The rich should ukay more often
5) The rich are actually clueless

Resumes That Work

Here are 36 resumes that are effective and pleasing to the eye without being too OA
If you noticed, there are white spaces galore, none use Times New Roman, they are simple, there are cotnrasts and the names are big. They used bullets and the contact infos are all one one spot.
And of course, you must watch this amazing video: The return of the "We Are the World" powerhouse singers in Tokyo

Zorn's Rules to Live 50 By

Eric Zorn, a columnist of Chicago Tribune, wants to share these to you. I highlighted those I found original and funny:

I’m turning 50 next week. So I thought I’d take the opportunity here to list 50 things I’ve learned in 50 years—truths gleaned from experience and the words of others that guide, inspire and sometimes haunt me:

1. It’s better to sing off key than not to sing at all. 2. Promptness shows respect. 3. You can’t avoid offending people from time to time. When you don’t mean it, apologize. When you do mean it, accept the consequences. 4. The first person to use the expression “Get a life!” in any dispute is the loser. 5. The medium is not the message. Those who issue blanket condemnations of any form of communication—be it TV, tabloids, text messages or blogs—simply aren’t paying attention. 6. The most valuable thing to have is a good reputation, and it’s neither hard nor expensive to acquire one: Be fair. Be honest. Be trustworthy. Be generous. Respect others. 7. Prejudice and bigotry is hard-wired into us. You can’t overcome it until you acknowledge it. 8. Don’t be bothered when people don’t share your tastes in music, sports, literature, food and fashion. Be glad. You’d never get tickets to anything otherwise. 9. Cough syrup doesn’t work. 10. Empathy is the greatest virtue. From it, all virtues flow. Without it, all virtues are an act. 11. The Golden Rule is the greatest moral truth. If you don’t believe in it, at least try to fake it. 12. Keeping perspective is the greatest key to happiness. From a distance, even a bumpy road looks smooth. 13. You can’t win arguing with police officers or referees, but every so often you can fight City Hall. 14. It’s not “political correctness” that dictates that we try not to insult others’ beliefs and identities. It’s common decency. 15. It may not feel like it, but it’s good luck when you have people at home and at work who aren’t afraid to tell you when you’re wrong. 16. It’s 10 times easier to fall in love than to stay in love. And no matter what the sad songs say about romance, broken hearts do mend. 17. Don’t waste your breath proclaiming what’s really important to you. How you spend your time says it all. 18. Keeping an open mind is as big a challenge as you get older as keeping a consistent waistline. 19. It’s never a shame when you admit you don’t know something, and often a shame when you assume that you do. 20. Wounds heal faster under bandages than they do in the open air. 21. Fear of failure is a ticket to mediocrity. If you’re not failing from time to time, you’re not pushing yourself. And if you’re not pushing yourself, you’re coasting. 22. Anyone who judges you by the kind of car you drive or shoes you wear isn’t someone worth impressing. 23. Grudges are poison. The only antidote is to let them go. 24. If you’re in a conversation and you’re not asking questions, then it’s not a conversation, it’s a monologue. 25. In everyday life, most “talent” is simply hard work in disguise. 26. Great parents can have rotten kids and rotten parents can have great kids. But even though biology plays a huge role in destiny, that’s no excuse to give up or stop trying. 27. Four things that most people think are lame but really are a lot of fun: barn dancing, charades, volleyball and sing-alongs. 28. Two cheap, easy self-improvement projects: Develop a strong handshake and start smiling when you answer the phone. 29. When something that costs less than $200 breaks and it’s not under warranty and you can’t fix it yourself in half an hour, it’s almost certainly more cost-effective to throw it out. 30. Most folk remedies are nonsense, but zinc really does zap colds. 31. Physical attraction is nice, but shared values and a shared sense of humor are the real keys to lasting love. 32. To keep dental visits regular, schedule your next appointment on your way out from your last appointment. 33. The 10-minute jump start is the best way to get going on a big task you’ve been avoiding. Set a timer and begin, promising yourself that you’ll quit after 10 minutes and do something else. The momentum will carry you forward. 34. Laundry day is much easier when all your socks are the same and you don’t have to sort them. 35. Candor is overrated. It’s hard to unsay what you’ve said in anger and almost impossible to take back what you’ve written. 36. Goals that you keep to yourself are just castles on the beach. If you’re determined to achieve something, tell people about it and ask them to help you stick with it. 37. Mental illness is as real as diabetes, arthritis or any other disease, and no more disgraceful. It’s the stigma that’s disgraceful. 38. In crisis or conflict, always think and act strategically. Take time to figure out what the “winning” outcome is for you, then work toward it. 39. All the stuff you have lying around that you’ll never want, need, wear or look at again? It just makes it harder to find what you do want, need or intend to wear. File it, donate it or throw it out. 40. Exercise does not take time. Exercise creates time. 41. Almost no one stretches, flosses or gives compliments often enough. 42. It pays to keep handy a list that includes a trusted plumber, electrician, locksmith, appliance repair specialist and heating contractor. When you really need one is no time to start looking. 43. The store-brand jelly, cereal, paper goods, baking supplies and pharmacy products are good enough. 44. When you mess up, ’fess up. It’s the fastest way, if there is one, to forgiveness. 45. When you’re not the worst-dressed person at a social event, you have nothing to worry about. 46. Be truthful or be quiet. Lies are hard to keep track of. 47. Your education isn’t complete until you’ve learned to take a hint. 48. There’s a good reason to be secretive about your age. People tend to assume things when they know how old you are. “Oh, he’s turning 50,” they might say, for example, “probably full of cranky self-lacerating aphorisms that he thinks qualify as wisdom.” 49. Whatever your passion, pursue it as though your days were numbered. Because they are. 50. Readers love lists. You got to the bottom of this one, didn’t you?

Rizal Day Part I

In Dapitan, Rizal actually has his "Code of Ethics." "Dont be a drunkard." Oh please, Rizal would not be this stupid.

Faux Pas: What Richard, Cameron and Liz Hurley Need to Know

"Embarassing," was what a Sudanese friend told me about the situation back home where Sudanese citizens (actually paid government employees, was what my friend told me) were asking for the head of a British teacher for naming a teddy bear as "Muhammad." Liz Hurley was sued for drinking alcohol during a wedding and wearing her shoes in the madrap or sacred ground. Cameron Diaz wore a Shining Path T-shirt. Richard Gere kissed Shilpa Shetty and he was torched as an effigy and Big Brother winner Shetty now know what Big Brother means.
Telegraph gave us this foreign faux pas:

1 Blowing your nose into a handkerchief in Japan. The Japanese call snot hanakuso - literally "nose shit" - and find the idea of walking around with a cloth full of it disgusting.

2 Getting your host's name the wrong way round in China. In the Far East name order is reversed, with the surname first, then a middle, generational name, then a given name. So calling Mr Li Wong Chee of Beijing "Mr Chee" would be like calling Mr John William Smith of London "Mr John".

3 Confusing a Canadian with an American. Or a Paraguayan with a Uruguayan, an Englishman with an Irishman or an Australian with a Kiwi. Neighbours are always the twitchiest about each other. (or a Filipino with a Korean, or a Filipino with a Samoan, or a Cebuano with a Boholano, or an Ilocano with a Bicolano....)

4 Keeping your shoes on in a temple or home in the Far East. Take them off at the door, everywhere from Burma to Japan. It's wise to be wearing clean socks - and do remember where you put your shoes. It's an awful bore to get back to the hotel and realise you're wearing Mr Yamazaki's brogues.

5 Looking at your feet when drinking a toast in Scandinavia. Right across Northern Europe, you should always meet your host's eye when saying "Skål!" or "Prost!" And the drink must then go down in one. If you fail to do this, the Germans say, seven years of bad sex will follow.

6 Teasing an Australian about how useless their national team is. Sport is the one sacred activity Down Under.

7 Giving a bottle of malt whisky in a pigskin bottle holder to an Arab host. If your Muslim host drinks, he certainly doesn't do so publicly, so drawing attention to his love of Glenfiddich is not the best idea. Like the dog, the pig is unclean in Arab countries, so pigskin only adds to the offence.

8 Being on time for an Argentinian dinner party. Dinner in Latin America is always late, but you should arrive later. Turning up on time isn't regarded as polite - just greedy.

9 Eating with your left hand in Africa and India. In areas where they routinely eat with their hands, you must use the right one. The left is the "unclean" hand, reserved for a related function a few hours later.

10 Leaving your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice in China or Japan. Of all chopstick no-nos this is the worst, as it mimics a Japanese funeral rite, when chopsticks and rice are left by the bedside of the newly deceased.

Fight Club Lessons for Writers

Carlo Rotella, author of Cut Time: An Education at the Fights, decided to just watch YouTube to find the art and poetry of streetfights. In his Slate article, Rotella even gave us lessons he got from watching websites of these fights. He gave us the basic lesson (Skip the preliminaries, strike first, and keep it coming) which makes Brad Pitt really a poseur. I mean, no more braggadocio in real fights. So goodbye to Filipino fight films, for that matter. I know this because I've seen this. One guy would start heaving for to his "300" scream and "Kappow" he's down before he can draw out his breath from his diaphragm.
There is very little you can draw from actual streetfighting with writing, or maybe there is. One, no more preparation for the big finish if you started bad. Maybe this is the lesson for writing leads. If your lead is bad, be sure to be knocked out by the reader.
Rotella's first lesson (If you're going to pick a fight, or consent to such an invitation, know what you're getting into and be prepared for a fast start and a quick finish). Most fights are a blur, even to the pugilists. One, you are either very drunk to be in a fight or blinded by rage. You can either be very dangerous at this state of mind or very stupid. Similarly, if you're very drunk and you are writing the editorial, forget it. You are picking a fight you would regret the next morning when it is published. It's either you picked the wrong guy (there are fight videos here where the picker get picked on very brutally) or you get into a fast fight and your body is in slo-o-ow motion. You die a slo-o-ow death. I hope, figuratively.
Second lesson: If people are standing around smiling mysteriously and pointing cell phones at you for no apparent reason, you should get ready to duck. Remember as a writer, you are also a target. Know these mysterious smiles. Beware of the sucker punch. Don't write as if there's no tomorrow because you will get it.
Third lesson from Rotella is: There's a thin line between doofus and genius, and people often fight with one foot planted on each side of it. Norman Mailer is one writer who liked to brawl. And he acknowledged that he was putting his feet in Nobel stage and doofusland when he did. Unless you have the arsenal of Mailer's books, don't follow suit.
Rotella's last lesson is more of the commentary side. It's the blow-by-blow from the people watching. No color commentaries. Just "he just beat you, man" and other obvious observations. Why? Because of the spontaneity of the fights, you just can't believe it. They're fighting in front of you. There's blood and then woof! it's over.
Poems should aspire for that, sometimes. Fight in front of the unknowing readers and make them think, Oh, it's a fight, while you are being read. Then it's over and the readers would think, What was that? And the poem will re-play like a YouTube in their minds.
Inspired by such, I decided to click on one of the websites Rotella recommended and randomly clip on one fo the videos:

After watching this, I was thinking, where's the genius? This is all doofus extravaganza. And the things they are doing to their family jewels are so awesome. Nice way to start the day.

Pro(crastination) Chart for Year-End Deadlines

I just came from a meeting in UP Village. So officially I have six deadlines for the next two weeks not including my regular story deadlines. When in doubt, I use this flowchart. And why aren't I in Taipei last November 21?

Winning Formula for National Book Awards

Denis Johnson won for fiction for "Tree of Smoke" which from the blurb reminds me of Robert Olen Butler's A Good Scent From a Strange Mountain and Tim O'Brian's Going After Cacciato and The Things They Carried; i.e. another Vietnam fiction. Don't get me wrong. I love the three books abovementioned and re-read them. But then the Vulture section of New York Magazine came out with: "How to Win a National Book Award in Five Steps" which is short of saying that Johnson will win and he did.

Don't Be a Young Debut Novelist
Do Aim for World-Historical Significance
Don't Write Short Stories
Do Be a Literary Insider
Do Expand Your Demo

Boris Kacka wrote on the last "do":

Denis Johnson already has the literary-insider and world-historical-significance angles covered: He’s a sometime poet and a big name writer, and his sprawling Vietnam novel is a sweeping indictment of American military ambitions with obvious topical parallels. And he's got the inside track on another requirement: widening your audience. He already had the poetry fans; with Jesus' Son, he won over the younger lit hipsters, and now Tree of Smoke hits the baby-boomers and history buffs where they live. So his appeal probably runs straight through all five members of the committee — like that of past winners Cormac McCarthy and William Styron. He's not as easily crowned as front-runners past, but then, the competition isn't what it used to be. (In 1980, Styron’s co-nominees were Philip Roth, Norman Mailer, James Baldwin, and Scott Spencer.) Chances are, you'll see Johnson's wife at the podium Wednesday. Johnson himself is in Iraq writing. That's a story in itself — and one the judges will probably like

And so it was. That is Denis's wife, Cindy, accepting the award.

Ten Commandments for Mafiosis and 80 Others

The new Sicilian Mafia head was arrested. Nothing remarkable about that, except that they found among the stash a list. It is the first time that the "Ten Commandments of a Good Mafiosi" was bared to the public.

1. No-one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it.
2. Never look at the wives of friends.
3. Never be seen with cops.
4. Don’t go to pubs and clubs.
5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife’s about to give birth.
6. Appointments must absolutely be respected.
7. Wives must be treated with respect.
8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth.
9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families.
10. People who can’t be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn’t hold to moral values.
Pinoy hoodlums including the congressmen and cops can no live up to these commandments, sadly.

Anyway here are other Ten Commandments:
1) cellphone use, terrified auditioners
2) Historical Writing, writing myths, good writing, writing fan fiction, pr writing, eating out,writing detective fiction , branding, Q&A, tractor safety, first date, Photographers, Writing Recommendation letters, distinguishing science from pseudo science, sneaker collaborations, writing philo papers, keywords selection, working with lawyers, good listening, fundraising and clubbing
3) Driver's Ten Commandments with blessings from the Vatican
4. client presentations, Video Editors, PVP, Access, Blog Typography
5. Math teachers and Designers, Earth and cowboys
6. Google which is different from Internet Searchers
7. Entrepreneurs, natural skin, men styling, permanent weight removal, DNA replication, MySpace advocacy, good business naming, developing countries, short-term mission trips and moving, pro-poor growth, goldbuyers, marketers, westerners in China
8. Golf, baseball pitchers and Greeks and Indians
9. Buddhist, Iraqi, Ilocanos,, pet owners, pilots, Democrats, Insomniacs, Caleists, amateur astronomers, mushroom gatherers, German soldiers, dogs, Atheists, ecotourists, saplings, college students, and Villains
10.Counter-Insurgency and counterintelligence and Dick Cheney's Secrecy

Cellphone Law

While getting meat for my story a while back, I called up a source and dialed a wrong number. So somebody else answered and saying sorry and waiting for the angry answer took one minute and one second. Then another call. Another wrong number. When I finally got the right number, a girl answered, "The number you dialed can not be reached." Then later, a busy signal. Then a choppy signal. Oh, I realized I was within the "Law of the Cellphone" which states, If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.
Other laws, actually corollaries of Murphy's Law, are as follows:

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee.
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner, even if it is square.
Law of Visual Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now.
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
Law of Coffee Temperature: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the cost of the carpet.
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
Law of Location: No matter where you go, there you are

No Tip Allowed

We used to think that once you tip a turtle, they're as good as soup. Not so, says this Argentinian snake-necked turtle. The secret is due to the design of their shells. Of course it will not help you in your daily problems but (at least for me) I can sleep better thinking that no turtle or tortoise would be slowly dying out there looking at the stars and cursing mankind:

Hey, They Used to Love Me in Vigan

Republic of the Philippines
Province of Ilocos Sur
MUNICIPALITY OF VIGAN
OFFICE OF THE SANGGUNIANG BAYAN
Resolution No. 16
Series of 1998
RESOLUTION DENOUNCING THE ARTICLE ENTITLED “REMEMBER, AND
SAVE, CIUDAD FERNANDINA” WRITTEN BY FRANK CIMATU PUBLISHED
IN THE PHILIPPINE DAILY INQUIRER ON JUNE 28, 1998, FOR ITS BLATANT
DISREGARD, DISTORTION AND MUTATION OF FACTS BESMIRCHING THE
REPUTATION AND HONOR OF PUBLIC OFFICIALS OF VIGAN
PARTICULAR AND INSULTING THE PEOPLE OF VIGAN IN GENERAL; AND
DEMANDING AN APOLOGY AND RECTIFICATION OF FACTS BY MR.
CIMATU WITH EQUAL SPACE AND TREATMENT IN THE SAME
PUBLICATION.
WHEREAS, an article “Remember, and Save, Ciudad Fernandina” was
published in the June 28, 1998 issue of the Philippine Daily Inquirer particularly
under the Travel section written by Mr. Frank Cimatu;
WHEREAS, Mr. Frank Cimatu, writer of said article, never consulted or
interviewed any official of the Municipality of Vigan at least in an effort to verify
the veracity of facts he had gathered from one person; in the spirit of balanced or
impartial journalism;
WHEREAS, Mr. Frank Cimatu, obviously was misled by a single person with a
personal interest to gain recognition at the expense of the people of Vigan;
WHEREAS, the article “Remember, and Save, Ciudad Fernandina” describes the
history of our beloved town – Vigan, as well as plans for its preservation and
development as a major tourist destination in the world, particularly in our
application for inclusion in the World heritage List;
WHEREAS, the concluding paragraphs that follow the beautiful description and
plans for Vigan, particularly states “BUT VIGAN POLITICIANS HAVE OTHER
IDEAS”, thereby implying that Vigan politicians are irresponsible, unreliable,
unpatriotic and their ideas are contrary to the plans for Vigan’s greatness;
WHEREAS, plans and visions for Vigan is not for the credit of “ … one of the
handful Bigueños” as the article fondly describes its “heroine”; rather plans and
visions for Vigan is for the credit of each and every Bigueño who cooperates in
every efforts of the Municipal Government of Vigan and the Provincial
Government of Ilocos Sur;
WHEREAS, a member of the Sangguniang Bayan of Vigan, Councilor Steve
Javier has been portrayed as unpatriotic and a destroyer where he “….
Demolished the remnants of one of the first churches of the Iglesia
Independiente in the process”;
WHEREAS, Councilor Steve Javier never demolished the structure which Mr.
Cimatu refers to, rather such building was restored, and conserved through the
use of materials approved by the National Historical Institute and described as
reversible by experts from the National Historical Institute, the same national
agency that issued the permit for Councilor Steve Javier on his Supermarket
project;
WHEREAS, the article stated that other politicians, bought or owned houses
within the area and are “planning to go on with their own development”, which
further mentions our Honorable Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson with an “open
secret” in owning many of the houses in Vigan, exacerbates Mr. Cimatu’s
allusion that politicians in Vigan are irresponsible and unpatriotic and could go on
with ‘their own development” plans;
WHEREAS, our Honorable Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson is from Vigan and
belonged to the affluent Singson clan. Hence, there is no “open secret” implying
a personal interest or purpose as pictured in the article, for our Honorable
Governor to own houses in Vigan;
WHEREAS, our Honorable Governor Luis “Chavit” Singson is very supportive in
all efforts and programs of the Municipal Government of Ilocos Sur on
conservation and restoration of Vigan;
WHEREAS, the Provincial Government of Ilocos Sur and the Municipal
Government of Vigan with the cooperation of all concerned have been doing all
efforts to realize the dream to make Vigan a global tourist destination as part of
the North Western Luzon Growth Quadrangle Program;
WHEREAS, the article of Mr. Cimatu is an insult to the people of Vigan who
elected Vigan Politicians;
WHEREAS, the article of Mr. Frank Cimatu besmirched the reputation of elected
officials of Vigan and shall caused embarrassment and shame to the Municipality
of Vigan and to all Bigueños before our national and international community;
NOW THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED AS IT IS HEREBY RESOLVED, to
denounce the article entitled “Remember, and Save, Ciudad Fernandina” written
by Mr. Frank Cimatu published in the Philippine Daily Inquirer on June 28, 1998,
for its blatant disregard, distortion and mutation of facts besmirching the
reputation and honor of public officials of Vigan in particular and insulting the
people of Vigan in general; and demand an apology and rectification of facts by
Mr. Frank Cimatu with equal space and treatment in the same publication.
Approved on August 3, 1998.
(Sgd.) LIBORIO F. ARCA
Vice Mayor and Presiding Officer
(Sgd.) FRANCISCO P. RANCHES, JR.
(Sgd.) LOURDES G. BAQUIRAN
(Sgd.) DANILO ESTEBAN C. JAVIER
ALFREDO A. FIGUERRES, JR.
(Sgd.) CONSTANTE V. BENZON
(Sgd.) NICOMEDES R. RAMIREZ
(Sgd.) RANDOLF V. SINGSON
GEORGE J. VILLANUEVA
(Sgd.) BENEDICTO JOSE P.
VERZOSA
(Sgd.) ARISTOTLE F. ARDE
Attested:
(Sgd.) RAMIL A. ARCE
Secretary to the Sangguniang Bayan
Approved:
(Sgd.) EVA MARIE S. MEDINA
Mayor

Ayayuh or You Are Not From Baguio (Hilltop Version)

Donald J sent this to me. Please feel free to add and I can give you the English version later.

Taga Baguio ka isu? 1. Taga-Baguio laeng iti makaammu iti original nga kulay ti pader iti Maharlika ken Marbay.... nu dayu, kuna da nga napinturan iti nalabbaga... .hehehe handa ammu ma-ma gayyam

2. Paboritong expression "WEN YA!!!"

3. Mahilig iti polo nga stripes and checkered (long sleeves pay) uray aglingling-it ket madi da nga ikkaten...

4. Uray pangkis iti medyas...ayos latta

5. Haan ka nga taga-Baguio nu haan mu nga ammu diay infamous nga "NOVA LODGE".

6. Haan ka nga taga-Baguio nu haan mu nga ammu nga adda iti outbreak...

7. Wash and wear style

8. Naangseg iti Burnham... kasatnu pagisbuan iti nababartek.. ..nu malpas ket pag-iddaan pay iti turista..hehehe

9. Hindi ka taga-Baguio kung nawala cellphone mo...

10. Lastly, sa mga taga Baguio na hindi pa nakakaalam na ang Session Road ay napalitan na ng pangalan, ang bagong pangalan ay "Muslim Road"

11. Haan ka nga tigadtoy nu han mu nga malagip ti "labus angels" or " Labo's angels" idyay pinagtakderan iti concrete x-mas tree idyay session

12. Basta naka "LEATHER JACKET, FRIENDS FOREVER!" ya!

13. Nu malpas ti shot ket awan ti pagtaxi ibaga da intayo ag-ghost hunting .. gayam magmagna agawid...

14. Awanin ti Session Theatre! santo haan nga inaldaw ti panag digus.. nyahaha! naglammin gamin!

15. Taga-Baguio ka nu nabilib ka ket ibagam nga "ay-yu ya! dayta ah!! gemays!!!" hehehe

16. Nu mangmangan ka strawberries. ....haan ka taga ditoy. ta haan mo ammu nagtubuan na ken ayna nangalaan da ti pinag-sibug da ijay.. wehehehe ---BALILI CREEK! TOINKS TOINKS

17. han ka taga baguio nu han mu ammu ti BATAWA nyahahahahaha. Intako mandance-dance id sidi ya!!!!! IJAY DANCE FLOOR PAYLANG KET NATENG TI TOPIC YO ENYA HEHEE

18. Haan ka nga taga-Baguio nu han mu ammu iti tawag da idyay ayan ti SM tatta... hehehe... intako agkibin- kibin idyay nasipnget nga parti...

19. Haan ka nga taga-Baguio nu han mu ammu nga kadwan dagiti jeep nga apan trinidad ken apan jay north nga ada terminal o nu sardengen tuy baguio ket COUNTRY, ken ti no.1 bars ditoy ket jay bokawkan han nga ijay Legarda. ken ti no.1 FM station ditoy Baguio ket 99.9

20. Kaaduan nga taga-Baguio ket chow da ti dogie.. intako man chow ed comiles hehehehe naimas den pulutan da isdi

21. Paboritong expression "WEN YA!!!"... "AW ADI" Y MAS D"

22. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu han mu ammu jay TAM-AWAN Village... balay ti tam-awan u..hehehe

23. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu sobra ka nga ag-ayat ti artista... uray samet agpapansin ti artista ditoy ket deadma da latta...

24. Han ka nga taga baguio nu han mo ammo daytoy.... URAY BUTBOT PANTALON KO BASTA LEVI'S...

25. Han ka nga taga baguio nu han mo amu nga jay dati nga nagtatakderan jay Centermall ita ket dati nga 'burn area'

26. Ti taga-Baguio kaaduwan nga nagapwan ti taraki nga badu da ket wag- wag nga selection.

27. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu ti amum ket kayo ti pagbungaan ti Sayote..

28. Haan ka nga taga-Baguio nu apan ka diyay Burnham tapno agpapicture dagidyay photographers idyay... gusto mong magpakuha? may digicam na ngayon uy!

29. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu madim amo ti usar na ti side A ken side B ti underwear. ayu ket nagbagyo garud!

30. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu agpara ka ket ibagam "ma, dyan lang sa tabi". Weirdo, ket apay in-nam data driver?

31. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu naka shorts ka ken nagpuskol ti jacket mo ken nakabonnet ka iti BAGUIO CITY. ayu data a!

32. Han kan nga taga-Baguio nu ibagam nga "kawawa naman" iti pinikpikan nga manok. naimas ti sabaw nga kadwa iti shot! hwahahaha... kawawa nga?!!!

33. Haan ka taga-Baguio nu madim amu nga ti number 1 nga in-inumin ti aartek ditoy ket gin latta ah ken 4x4 pay laeng..inggana maibusan..santu sigarilyo ket Hope nu saan ket Winston..haan kadi? This is my nayun

34. Haan ka taga-Baguio nu han mo nga amu nu ayan na idi jay Chapparal. Malagep mo pay jay sabon ken batya. Ken ti makitam iti kab-cabaret ket mga BHD inspektor nayunam pay ti pupulis wheehehee

35. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu haan mo nga amo nga ti number 1 tambayan idi ti high school students ket jay Assumption Road ta ada pay idi jay FRB Building, Fires Place ken Girls High idi idjay

36. Han nga taga-Baguio nu han mo nga ammo ti Benedicts Place, nasukatanen ti Jet Bookstore idjay Session. Idjay ti naimas nga aginum idi, adan ti chicks ada pay ti gulo tatta ket jay Nevadas Square aminen, gulo ken chicks, hehehe

37. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu haan mo nga ammo ti Hokkee ti paginuman ti medical students nga artek Di ba doc? Le Fondue ti paginuman ti artist kuno ken nahilig ti acoustic ken Ayuyang ti paginuman ti nahilig ti reggae tapos nu nabarbartek ka ket agpamawmaw ka jay 456 (Lomi adi) ken jay terminal (goto to the max!)

38. Han ka taga-Baguio nu haan mo nga ammo nga ti sayote ket maka-high blood. Inya, sayote manen ti sida tayo!!!! Inyametten!! ! Aahhhh!!!

39. Han ka nga taga-Baguio nu han mo nga ammo ti number 1 nga sports ket bilyar ken tong-its. Pustaan pay ket gin manen Hahahaha (i did it right??)

heyah... yuhooooo!!! --han ka nga taga-Baguio nu han mo nga i-repost daytoy tapos han mu pay manayunan..

What I Learned in Banaue

I learned that the early humans have no Achilles tendon and so walked slowly. That meant that they needed cars more than we.
Ebi said that an old Ifugao hut costs P100,000, plus a little more for delivery. Carpenters here would be acocmpanying to set up your expensive Jigsaw puzzle.
Eat the peels of your tangerine. It's good in your fight for cancer. That's why Trotsky, in the movie "Reds" where he was played by Jerzy Kozinsky, was right about eating lemon peel.
The issue of prostitution is still a contentious one here. It's more a question of semantics though. One mayor said that there's no prostitution, only waitressing. The waiters come from as far as Bicol and Visayas. Hmm.
Tabayag, those Ifugao lime container which are also elaboratley carved, sells for more than a P1,000. I haggled one to p600 but I can't really set a trend because BenCab beat me to it. In eBay, they even sell cheaper.

Miranda July in September

Learn from your indie guru in learningtoloveyoumore.com. Yes, the Oliver family will be featured in Bumbershoot