Guardian Eats Pinoy Rice

Nash twittered me, a two page feature on the Philippines in the Guardian. Uh oh, it's about rice. Also Banaue. Philippines said the famine is over. What famine? What over? It's always famine and will always be so. But maybe I expect my sister in UK to send me a cavan of couscous.
Speaking of British, meet Ian Fleming, author of the Bond novels (except the new one) 100 ways

Health Advisory: Sterilize the Nails for Crucifixion

So it's not enough, to be writhing in pain as you are nailed and suspended under the cruel sun, watched by thousands who wanted you to do something like die. Now the DOH said that you have to sterilize the nails for your health's sake.
Which reminds me of Brian. All these crucifiying.
Hey, he is getting interesting anew. And he is the only one who feels for Marcel Crespo. Tsk tsk. And Tiny Tim is back and OMG the appearance of the apo of The Apo. Our holyhours suddenly became unholyhours.

The King of Philippine Comedy Takes High School Exam

Philippine Star wrote:

For comedy king Dolphy, nothing is ever too late. Dolphy, Rodolfo V. Quizon in real life, is this year’s celebrity taker of the Department of Education’s Accreditation and Equivalency (A&E) Test, previously known as the “Pep” test. Education Secretary Jesli Lapus broke the news yesterday when he spoke at the 1st Biennial National Congress on Education at the Manila Hotel. Lapus said that if the 2007 A&E test had world boxing champion Manny “Pacman” Pacquiao as its most famous examinee, “this year it will be Mang Dolphy.” The comedian was among the 80,000 people who have registered with DepEd’s Bureau of Alternative Learning System (BALS) to take the test scheduled this February. The A&E Test is administered by DepEd’s Bureau of Alternative Learning, to individuals who did not have formal elementary and high school education.

Dolphy, the King of Comedy at almost 80 years old, still needs to have a high school diploma? Nagpapatawa ba Kayo?

Jim Zwick: Twain's Main Man and Pinoy Ally

Jim Zwick, 51, an American Studies scholar whose specialties included Mark Twain, political history, and the educational usages of the internet died Thursday (January 24, 2008) at his home outside of Syracuse, New York. Zwick was the author of numerous noted books and
articles on Twain, anti-imperialism and other topics. Major
publications included the books Mark Twain's Weapons of Satire, Inuit
Entertainers in the United States, and Confronting Imperialism: Essays
on Mark Twain and the Anti-Imperialist League. He was a frequent
contributor to a wide range of journals and anthologies. Zwick began
creating websites in 1994. He created and ran the Mark Twain site at
About.com, later consolidating his many writings into the widely cited
Boondocksnet.com, which was included in the reading list of Mark Twain courses at universities worldwide. In 2000, he ran the author's posthumous online campaign for the Presidency, MSNB's top-ranked campaign website. With his unique perspective, he provided consultation and commentary for documentary films including Ken Burns' Mark Twain. Living in Hong Kong during the 1970's, his language skills allowed him to travel extensively in the Peoples' Republic of China in 1979, long before the current openness. He later traveled in the Philippines, and was long active with the Friends of the Filipino People. Zwick also served on the Executive Committee of the Mark Twain Circle. Zwick received his BA at Earlham College in 1981 and his MA in Comparative Politics and World History at Syracuse University where he continued to do post-graduate work and teach for some time. He attended Wethersfield High School and the Shanti School in Hartford. Zwick is survived by his father and step-mother Frank and Lynn Zwick of Myrtle Beach, SC, his sister Joan Zwick of Tolland, brothers David
of Old Saybrook, Douglas of Los Angeles, and their families. He is predeceased by his mother Joan Jenkins Zwick, and sister, Susan Laurie Zwick. Memorial contributions may be made to Human Rights Watch, 350 5th Avenue, 34th Floor, New York, NY 10118 (www.hrw.org/donations).

Tarsier in Excelsis

Fischer-Pascual

In 1967, Robert James Fischer played simul chess at the University of Mindanao in Davao City. He, playing white, beat Pascual with the Sicilian Sozin in 28 moves. The game is a classic because Pascual's king pawn went on a rampage eating Fischer's knight and bishop until it reached the seventh rank and even checked Fischer's king. Pascual's name was not even mentioned (was he the Jose Pascual who won the 1962 Philippine Chess Open?) but he's here in posterity.

Pinoy Crimes Around The World

Cellphone is dangerous to your life. No, not the message nor the signal. It's the charger wire.
Filipinos in Hawaii golfcourse dognapped and ate a pet puppy.
Boy Bastos blogger Mark Verzo, the first Pinoy blogger to be arrested for porn, is the first Pinoy to earn from AdSense
After the Sumilao farmers appealed to Angelina Jolie to help them in their plight, it's now Filipino fishermen asking George Clooney to mediate for them regarding the peace talks between the government and the communist insurgents. The AP report did not give the obvious reason why Clooney was chosen. How about Oceans 11, 12 and 13?
Its a Crime to be A Filipino in America, Bulosan said. But worse, not to be in Hollywood. Yes, Finally. An Online Petition to Bring Renaldo Lapuz to Hollywood.

Re(y)naldo Over to the Maximum

Had he made it, Re(y)naldo would have been the oldest to make it at 44 years. No, he is actually Renaldo. He used to belong to a band called "The Creepers." His other songs are Basted (not about barbeque but the Pinoy of "busted" or "dumped") and Samahan. In the Fox interview, he said "I don't know what to wore" because the announcement said "dress to impress." He thought of "The Gladiator" and went to the mall to assemble what could be the most important fashion decision ever by an Idol contestant. In the interview, he also used the so-Pinoy "over to the maximum of happiness." Happy Happy Joy Joy.

My Madame Auring Moment: THE CEBU INMATES DANCING TO "YOU ARE MY BROTHER" WILL MAKE IT TO MTV

Filipino Monkey (Via Nash)

More Pinoy Buzzwords

I combed the Internet for Pinoy buzzwords and almost came out emptyhanded. Where are the clever Marcos admen when you need them? Dead or retired. I mean, Pinoys still consider convergence and synergy as buzzwords in 2008? Maybe you don’t even know who Rip Van Winkle was. Here are some of the gems I got though (red highlight means my coinage):

1) Spiderability. This is used to maximize your Internet presence and site visitors so you can earn from Adsense, for example. Good luck. Also gagambuoyancy
2) ZamPen. This is a nice coinage of Zamboanga Peninsula. The site said that this would be the new destination of “culture, adventure and nature.” A melting pot of races, Zamboanga Peninsula (ZamPen) boasts of a diverse mix of living cultures of Subanens, Yakans, Tausugs, Bajaus, Samals, as well as Chabacanos.
3) Nananakam which means “craving” in Filipino, can also be used for a inner hunger that is unnecessary but has to be fed. Important for Fil-Ams
4) Diamond statement. I encountered this a few months ago about a white paper linking Ping Lacson to destabilization moves on the government. So a diamond statement is any spurious document trying hard to be hard fact.
5) Unanotechnology. Credit this to Padma. Refers to nanotechnology but with a twist. It refers to a country wallowing in Third World status because its R&D is short-sighted or just short of cash. Another possible definition: technology catering to the vertically-challenged. Something like condoms of the right size naman or urinals that only Manute Bol can use.
6) Miskol. The obligatory buzzword. Winner of the Salita ng Taon 2007. Pinoy for missed call but texters often use “miscol” not “miskol”
7) Surrogacy. This is the new frontier for outsourcing. You get a sperm and egg from a couple and let it stay in a Pinay womb. In India, they get paid for $4,000 but foreign couples want Pinays because they are caring and eat less-spicy food.
8) Regalian doctrine. The doctrine from Regal chief Mother Lily Monteverde that movies should cater to the taste of the Pinoys not movies uplifting the taste of the Pinoys. This doctrine like the original Regalian doctrine is a legal fiction and caused the death of Pinoy movies.
9) Ulolcats. From the cute Lol cats but this refers to the not-so-cute cats and none-cats who actually text and write like lolcats with the same not-cute grammar mistakes (“I has chizburger” is cute to a fat Siamese cat but not to an 18-year-old gangsta from Tondo)
10) KKK-SSS-LLL. Refers to the “Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo” and its sequel “Sakal, Sakali, Saklolo,” both topgrossers of the Metro Manila Film Festival. It tells about a young couple through married life. Because the title plays on K, S and L. The next movie has to be: Lakas, Lakasa, Likas. It shows the macho image of the man crumbling as he realizes he is a lakasa or a closet gay and so he has to leave (likas).

Apocalypse Now in Quiapo

I was supposed to go to Quiapo last Wednesday not to attend the Black Nazarene procession but to buy DVDs. I went today and got some few obscure movies I'm not particularly excited about (it was raining) except for one. A DVD 9 release of Apocalypse Now. Meaning, it has all the extra features like Marlon Brando reading a T.S. Eliot poem and many others. This is the stupid thing. I wanted to make sure so I asked my Muslim brother to test it. Only then did he know that it was a double-DVD pack so I had to pay P100 instead of P50. So all of you now would have to pay the same price because I made them discover. To make you feel better, here's the whole script of the 1979 version. Which is to say you can get other scripts from the site.

Eraserheaded

It was said that the Eraserheads were our Beatles. It's not hard to see why. The Pub Four were influenced by the Fab Four. They were into concept albums just like the latter Beatles. They did songs with reference to drugs although only Marcus and Raimund seemed to look like hippies. Then they split. Some said Ely just texted the three that it's over. He said he graduated (why then would Ely call his new band, Pupil?) That's why the three were bitter, even when Ely suffered a major stroke and benefit concerts were organized in his behalf. One magazine featured Marcus Adoro saying he would have wanted to see Ely but he got lost or his guide deliberately lost him. He said he will surprise Ely one of these days. He played though while Raimund and Buddy Zabala made themselves scarce throughout all these charity-o-rama. B,R and M called themselves the new "Eraserheads" and played in Makati last April with a girl, Kris Dancel of Fatal Posporos, as their new lead vocalist. Then later, Marcus also quit and Buddy and Raimund, the original Molave Dorm Boys, got two others to form Cambio. Buddy also joined The Dawn. I saw Marcus one time surfing in San Juan, La Union. He seemed to be at peace with himself. I think he even organized a Dec. 26 gig in San Juan featuring Mike Hanopol, the Jerks, Pepe Smith etc. I forgot all about it and never saw a thing in the papers. Until today when I read a newspaper and a famous someone asked Ely about his share of crazy fans. Part of the question was: I remember a fan letter from a girl who said that if you wouldn't sleep with her, she would kill Marcus.
Ely's answer was: To that fan I now say, "I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP WITH YOU."
He is not going for marital fidelity, my friends. He is going for the jugular, and that particular vein happens to be Marcus's. Sad. Bitter. Erase.

Guess what the Pinoys Were Googling last November? Subject Verb Agreement!

peyups (slang for UP/University of the Philippines) autism smack that francis magalona (washed-up rapper) 30 seconds to mars

statue of liberty les miserables speech choir wedding souvenirs subject verb agreement

baki the grappler (cartoon character) iza calzado (batanes beauty) aya ueto (Japanese celebrity) black sabbath butalbital

The Top Pinoy alt.media Acts (The Dirty Version)

1) The Salgado PowerPoint
2) Gwen Garci Sikyu Act
3) Cindy Kurleto's nipple slip
4) iy%ttube
5) The (name your municipality) Scandal 16 in 1
6) The Baywalk scandal (inamin naman eh)
7) The Holy Grail (G**** with Chavit)
8) Katrina Halili's paa ng kamel
9) The real Cebu Penitentiary Thriller with Mr. Garcia and his prison gals
10)Alyssa Alano's YouTube Keys Me

email me. he he he

Potholes

This is the U.S.

This is the Philippines

This is a clever advertising

This is the Philippines. For real.

Quiz Show

Q. What is the largest island?
A. Greenland
Q. What is the largest lake?
A. Caspian Sea
Q. What is the largest island in a lake?
A. Manitoulin Island in Lake Huron
Q. What is the largest lake in an island?
A. Nettilling Lake on Baffin Island
Q. What is the largest island in a lake on an island?
A. Pulau Samosir in Danau Toba on Sumatra
Q. What is the largest lake on an island in a lake?
A. Lake Manitou on Manitoulin Island in Lake Huron

And the final question. What is the largest lake on an island in a lake on an island
A. Crater Lake on Vulcano Island in Lake Taal on Luzon in the Philippines