Jhumpa on Writing

"Writing is so humbling, there’s no confidence involved. It helps to have some experience, a greater degree of familiarity with the process of writing. I think each time you start a story or novel or whatever, you are absolutely at the bottom of the ladder all over again. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done before." Jhumpa Lahiri

Indian Kidnapper Joke

This is a take on a famous urban legend. Remember how your mother scared you into sleeping because if you don't a Bumbay will come and take you. Now this story tells us that Indian nationals are indeed into kidnapping. Their ring leader is Surinder Singh. So the police would only shout:
Pulis, ini! Surinder, Magsurrender ka na!!!!

The Reason He Hates Chicken

Police in Malda, India, were battling avian flu by 
conducting a poultry massacre. "We have planned to
collect 'backyard chickens' from the houses in the evening
and kill all of them late at night," said the district's
deputy director of animal-resources development,
N. K. Shit.

Deep Blue Funk

From The Hindu, I read in their Chess section:

Shyam Sundar stuns Deep
Mary Ann Gomes on the road to victory

OMG, Indian girls beating Deep Blue regularly!
Turned out it was Deep Shengupta, who is the fourth seed. Back to the doldrums. You know what? Our sportswriters in the Philippines have degenerated into boring hacks who are also into covering only "sponsored" teams or events. They even fell off their seats when someone suggested that they give 'color" into their stories and not rely too much on "cartelized' or PR stories. What was wrong with that comment, di ba?
Just a case in point. Wesley So became the 7th youngest to ever become GM, joining a truly illustrious cast. The headlines were ho-hum.
Why not: SO! SO'S NO SO-SO or SO YOUNG AND SO GRAND or A GRANDMASTER BEFORE HE CAN MASTUR.
Inquirer's Roy Luarca (whom I admire, no B.S) had this headline: 14-year-old Filipino is Newest Grandmaster. Whoa! How exciting!
gmanews has: So is now RP's Youngest GM, World's 7th Youngest. Manong Percy Della was right about the state of RP's sportswriting. Hoy Manong, diay red wine ko ha?

But I digress. I would like to thank the famous Mr. Mesina for giving me my first calendar for 2008. Hmmm. Cowboys. Thank you. I am also 5 cups short for the Starbucks calendar. Last year, I lost two cards which only needed a few cups before I can complete them. Talk about dedication. I have only written my diary until the first weeks of January.

Trading in Bones

I am writing about three outsourcing where India excels and Philippines should take advantage. Trading bones is one of them. Hey, Hey, PGMA, how many journalists did you kill today? Just checking.

Costume Change

Remember how your cable networks place the Indian channels on the upper strata of the channel list so when you hit 80 and up in your remote, you get Indian dancing on a fast clip and singing on the high octave. In India, the foreign channles are on the upper strata. There is BBC channel because they are British and they want it undiluted. Their CNN is in conjunction with Times of India and they have three news runners so it's hard to follow. The rest are the Indian channels we get here times four. I learned a little bit about Bollywood. They are so good with costume changes and the editing gives it a flawless transition. Forget the translation, though. Here's one example:


ansayasaya di ba? Parang gawa sa Buguias kumusta na?

Cellphonology in India

I decided not to roam. Ed General had roaming but he made the mistake of loading only 103 pesos in his Globe. He was able to receive and send text in the first night and his load has not decreased. On the second day, his load suddenly decreased to P40 and despite about P250 loaded in his phone in Manila, his calls were blocked until he reached NAIA. Now Indians rarely text but they call a lot because calls are only 1 rupee per minute and about 30 centavos per texting. Hyderabad is touted as the IT capital of India in five years time. We stayed in a hotel one month old so no one outside the organizers of the conference knew the place. It was a very good hotel with flat TVs and free fruits everyday and many other extra amenities and I think it is projected to be the hotel for visiting Microsoft executives. Microsoft just opened a huge complex nearby. One telcom ad here fave me a good idea for an essay and the telcom is called !dea. It said "Na Hindu. Na Muslim. Na Innai." or "No Indian. No Hindu. No Innai." and it shows an artista looking at the apartment directory with only the cellphone numbers listed. How true. In parts of the world where identity matters and can be dangerous gound for discrimination, having only your cellphone number as your identity is a good idea. Forget what the Revelations said about us being reduced to numbers. Maybe that's really where we are going. But then the undercurrent there is that there is no "Na Dalit" or "No Untouchables" meaning those in the lower caste who can't afford a cellphone (they are much expensive in India). Until that digital divide is crossed, we still have miscommunication problems. Also on police boxes here, you see this warning: "Don't Use Mobile Phones When Mobile. Fine: Rs500" Nice.

Charminar

This is supposed to be Hyderabad's Eiffel Tower. That is how one brochure described it. That's Dr. Johndee Flavier, who heads C-men (basta, they go around vasectomizing husbands) and population commissioner Thom Osias. We are planning to put giant condoms on the minarets when we come back here.

Words

Right now, most of my touring are done inside our service bus. Which is actually the point of most conferences. They invite you to a picturesque city then when you attend, they set you up to a hectic schedule as if jetlag is something you can just shower off. Our plane passed through Abu Dhabi then to Oman and finally to Hyderabad. We were set off to a wrong hotel and then other snafus followed. On the first days, the sessions were blah and just when you are prepared, its almost the end of the conference and you have no time to tour. Anyway, I learned that Indians love words. Tarpaulin is inexistent here. They love to paint on walls. Only Tollywood actors are on billboards. I noticed that most inns are known as "working men hostels with ac" or "working women hostels with ac." No playing men and women together. Also "Tree oxygen. Free oxygen." When a shop says, Hot Chips. Believe it. And then one time, we stopped and right in front of me is an iron post with the hammer and sickle on top. I could have saluted it. CPI. Communist Party of India. It's so overground I wanted to cry.

The Indian Condom Song, Just so you know how exciting my life is here

Motorists

I first thought that Pinoys are the worst drivers in the world. Until I went to India. Here in Hyderabad, I never saw a zebra lane (pedestrian crossing) and you see social strata at work here. The autorickshaws just weave in and out of the area so fast. Then most of the cars are rebuilt colonial Buicks painted white. Then there are the sacred buffalos that rule the roads (can't touch them). Prayers are needed to cross the road.

Suneeta

A few moments from now I would be a few meters away from Suneeta Rao. She will be promoting her music television segment about the "lost" daughters of India. Because of sex selection, they say that 50 million "girls' were either aborted or killed because of the culture's preference for boys. Figures in China, Vietnam and Nepal would bring the figure to 100 million. So who is Suneeta? She is Tollywood's most popular actress and certainly one of the most beautiful women in the world.

Kama Sutra

I went to Shilparamam in Hyderabad which is the combination of SM and Nayong Pilipino with more spice. Like an aesthete (he he), I was attracted to those small watercolor paintings similar to the Kama Sutra miniatures. They are of elephants etc and cost about P500. Of course, I told the painter, Kama sutra, to make a comparison and he brought me inside his shop and showed me original renditions (oxymoron!) of Kama Sutra and some more graphic. But they cost 1,500 rupees. So quandary. Good thing I have no rupees yet otherwise...I would be exhibiting them with curtains.

India

By tomorrow evening, I will be in Hyderabad. Not the center of Bollywood but Tollywood! Girly Man!

Thriller Part III

More than seven million now viewed the "Thriller" performed by the Cebu prisoners. Only more than 4 million watched the real Thriller by Michael Jackson in YouTube. Now presennting the Bollywood version. Five million views and counting

No wait! The better version. With subtitles!!!!Girly man!!!!

The Chipmunks version

The Hardcore Edition