My Political Slogan

If ever I will run, I will adopt this Westlife album title:

One Year

Rep. Crispin Beltran just spent a year in prison. Do you care? The presidential midget doesn't.

Report from the Dollhouse 2

After dinner, I met with old friend Edwin Fernandez of Cotabato and Franklin Caliguid of Butuan. They want a tour of Angeles and Ansbert was absent so I am The One. I asked them what comes to mind when they hear of Angeles. So they gave me the old pre-Pinatubo cliche. I gave them the cliche. We rode a trike to Balibago specifically to Fields Ave. Edwin wanted to go to an Atm Machine and it turned out he forgot his card. We walked for a few minutes until I went to the old reliable. Dollhouse. It turned out we were the only Filipino customers. Not that it is an exclusive club like what Edwin had been telling us of a bar in Makati. The beer is only P80 and the LD was P280. The two don't know what LD was, which is fine. If this was in Cotabato, they might have lobbed a grenade long ago, someone said. The security was lax. BUT the first thing that will catch your mind, is that there are about 50 girls in Tback dancing on the circular elevated stage and on the ledge above. Only in Bangkok. The guests were mostly Americans who were either retired or attending the Balikatan. Weird but the GIs were staying in Holiday Inn where we also stay. That is their barracks while the Filipinos were, of course, staying in their barracks. There were also some Koreans who were obviously regulars because binabatukan lang sila ng mga babae. There was no nudity just your regular Patpong tourist-trap bar. But occasionally, a mulatta waitress would flash her blouse to an old Japanese who would then smilingly give her a P1,000 bill. Another waitress immediately cozied up to Edwin and she told her about how much are they paid. That is the story, said Edwin. Obviously, he has not been into that many places. But I learned another euphemism, this time for a bar fine. I forgot what it was but it has to do with early evening something. We left at about 1 am. Alex was snoring when I came back and was still at it when I awoke. He awoke. Called for towels. Opened the TV for CNN, took a bath and left when it was my turn. Later, he would be crucified by the media. Abangan!

UP BAGUIO – NCCA CORDILLERA CREATIVE WRITING WORKSHOP

CALL FOR ENTRIES to the 1st UP BAGUIO – NCCA CORDILLERA CREATIVE WRITING WORKSHOP
APRIL 24 – 27, 2007
UPB Campus

This summer, the University of the Philippines Baguio, in cooperation with the National Commission on Culture and the Arts, launches the first regional creative writing workshop to be held at the UPB campus from April 24 to 27, 2007.

The Workshop is open to aspiring young writers who are college-level students and fresh graduates of universities and colleges in the Cordillera Administrative Region, writing in any of the Cordillera languages (Ilokano, Ibaloy, Kankanay, etc.), Filipino and English. Interested applicants are required to submit any of the following:

Three (3) poems
One (1) short story
One (1) creative non-fiction
One (1) children's story
One (1) single-act play
Excerpt (one chapter) from a novel

All entries must bear the name of the author and accompanied by an application letter, an endorsement from the university or college they are representing, and a brief curriculum vitae of the applicant. All works must be original and unpublished in major publications or anthologies. Applicants submitting works in the Cordillera languages are requested but not required to furnish an accompanying translation
in Filipino or English.

Deadline of submission of entries is March 23, 2007, 3:00 p.m. All entries must be submitted in a long brown envelope sealed with the applicant's signature. Entries should be sent by mail or delivery to the Office of the Dean, College of Arts & Communication, University of the Philippines Baguio, Governor Pack Road, 2600 Baguio City. Separately, applicants are also encouraged to furnish electronic
copies of their literary works to gilbert.francia@gmail.com.

Applicants will be notified of the results of the screening of entries by April 2, 2007. For inquiries, please contact the UP CAC Dean's Office at telephone (074) 444.8393.

Bb Pilipinas@pagbabago

She was a candidate for the Binibining Pilipinas (Miss Philippines) but was taken out because she worked as a GRO. Andrea D. said that she was a waiter, or as entertainment euphemism goes, a service manager. Four manyakis also hastily filed their affidavits saying they went out with her. "I will prove to everyone that I’m innocent...It took me five years to prepare and they just ruined it,” she said, meaning her detractors. OK moral police, cast the first stone.

Chinese Names

Born during the night = Andy Lim
Born blind = Kenneth Sy
Born being swindled = Lino Co
Born while cooking = Nilo Toh
Born as 10th child = Sam Po
Born while being courted = Lily Gaw
Born fat = Bob Uy
Born little = Kathy Ting
Born different = Eva Yan
Born with porridge = Lino Gaw
Born looking for someone = Allen Sia
Born while counterfeiting = Faye King
Born during Sunday = Lyn Go
Born with malice = Mali Sia
Born angry with someone = Ally Tan
Born with picture = Lara Huan
Born with sweets = Ken Dy
Born undefined = Sam Ting
Born while taking a bath = Lily Go
Born not to take a bath = Dinah Lily Go
Born while buying = Bill Li
Born secretly = Tina Go
Born to pass flatus = Otto Tin
Born ugly = Kaw Yan
Born Normal = Nath Ting Wong
Born Abnormal = Sam Ting Wong

Galing kay:

Richard T. Chu, Ph.D.
Assistant Professor
History Department
Herter Hall, Room 627
University of Massachusetts
Amherst, MA 01003-9312
Tel. No. (413) 545-6762
Fax. No. (413) 545-6137

Cosmicomics

And the saddest of all:

The Pig in The Year of the Ox

Snake and Pig are unlucky in the Year of the Pig. I will tell you later why.

Reports from the Dollhouse Part 1

Two weeks ago, I lectured on Journalism in CLSU. I was given 35 minutes to talk about Journalism in the Philippines. In that time, I talked about Mt. Everest and the ABSCBN and GMA7 connection, Rizal, the culture of impunity, gag rule, low pay and why they should go into journalism. Last week, I lectured to elementary students all over the country on feature story writing during the Secondary Press Conference. I told them about what I expect to see in their stories (I would be judging them later in the day) but more importantly, I told them to seize the day. None of them have been to Baguio (except for a Baguio girl). So I told them to enjoy their stay, make as many friends as possible and be happy. Outside, their advisers were biting their nails and asking me for handouts. I said they can copy my PowerPoint. They have no tongue drives. I said I will email them. The teachers have no email addresses. So much for Internet revolution. Last month, I talked to about 300 students all over Ilocos region about editorial writing. So now I was invited to Media Nation 4.1 which brings all the media movers and shakers. I fully expected that it would be in Subic, even texted an Olongapo-based friend that I would see him in the 40th day of his brother's death. And then on the eve of the summit, I opened my email and sure enough, Holiday Inn Clark. After a five-hour trip, I was there. They assigned us a seat number like they do in the pricier theaters. We had our welcoming dinner. I was in a row with Jessica Soho, Maria Ressa, Luchi Cruz-Valdez and Joey Aralilla, who would be having a blog on the event. They promised us wifi and it turned out PLDT was not there. I was seated beside Alex Magno, and his first greeting was: Hello, roommate. Uh oh. My friends in UP CONTEND will be killing me, was my first hunch.

Steve Martin's 72 Virgins (from New Yorker)

SEVENTY-TWO VIRGINS
by STEVE MARTIN
Issue of 2007-01-29
Posted 2007-01-22

Virgin No. 1: Yuck.

Virgin No. 2: Ick.

Virgin No. 3: Ew.

Virgin No. 4: Ow.

Virgin No. 5: Do you like cats? I have fourteen!

Virgin No. 6: I’m Becky. I’ll be legal in two years.

Virgin No. 7: Here, I’ll just pull down your zipper. Oh, sorry!

Virgin No. 8: Can we cuddle first?

Virgin No. 9: It was a garlic-and-onion pizza. Why?

Virgin No. 10: . . . so I see Heath, and he goes, “Like, what are you doing here?,” and I go, “I’m hangin’ out,” so he goes, “Like, what?” . . .

Virgin No. 11: First you’re going to have to show me an up-to-date health certificate.

Virgin No. 12: Hurry! My parents are due home!

Virgin No. 13: Do you want the regular or the special?

Virgin No. 14: I’m eighty-four. So what?

Virgin No. 15: Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!


Virgin No. 16: Even I know that’s tiny.

Virgin No. 17: “Do it”? Meaning what?

Virgin No. 18: I’m saving myself for Jesus.

Virgin No. 19: Somewhere on my body I have hidden a buffalo nickel.

Virgin No. 20: Don’t touch my hair!

Virgin No. 21: I hope you’re not going to sleep with me and then go sleep with seventy-one others.

Virgin No. 22: Do you mind if we listen to Mannheim Steamroller?

Virgin No. 23: Are you O.K. with the dog on the bed?

Virgin No. 24: Would you mind saying, “Could I see you in my office, Miss Witherspoon?”?

Virgin No. 25: Ride me! Ride me, Lucky Buck!

Virgin No. 26: You like your vanilla hot?

Virgin No. 27: Does Ookums like Snookums?

Virgin No. 28: It’s so romantic here, dead.

Virgin No. 29: Well, I’m a virgin, but my hand isn’t.

Virgin No. 30: You are in?

Virgin No. 31: Hi, cowboy. I just rode down from Brokeback Mountain.

Virgin No. 32: I’m a virgin because I’m so ugly.

Virgin No. 33: You like-ee?

Virgin No. 34: I’ll betcha you can’t get an erection. Go on, impress me. C’mon, show me. Show me, big shot.

Virgin No. 35: By the way, here in Heaven “virgin” has a slightly different meaning. It means “chatty.”

Virgin No. 36: Sure, I like you, but as a friend.

Virgin No. 37: No kissing. I save that for my boyfriend.

Virgin No. 38: I’m Zania, from the planet Xeron. My vagina is on my foot.

Virgin No. 39: It’s a lesion, and, no, I don’t know what kind.

Virgin No. 40: I’m Jewish. Why do you ask?

Virgin No. 41: Hi, I’m Becky. Oh, whoops—you again.

Virgin No. 42: I just love camping! Camping is so great! Can we go camping sometime?

Virgin No. 43: In the spirit of full disclosure, I’m a single mom.

Virgin No. 44: You like my breasts? They were my graduation gift.

Virgin No. 45: When you’re done, you should really check out how cool this ceiling is.

Virgin No. 46: I’m almost there. Just another couple of hours.

Virgin No. 47: Get your own beer, you nitwit.

Virgin No. 48: No, you’ve got it wrong. We’re in the Paradise Casino.

Virgin No. 49: I really enjoyed that. Thank you very much. Gee, it’s late.

Virgin No. 50: You make me feel like a real woman. And after this is over I’m going to find one.

Virgin No. 51: What do you mean, “move a little”?

Virgin No. 52: Not now, I’m on my BlackBerry.

Virgin No. 53: I love it when you put on your pants and leave.

Virgin No. 54: We’ve been together twenty-four hours now, and, you know, sometimes it’s O.K. to say something mildly humorous.

Virgin No. 55: That was terrible. I should have listened to the other virgins.

Virgin No. 56: I think I found it. Is that it? Oh. Is this it? Oh, this must be it. No?

Virgin No. 57: It must be hot in here, because I know it’s not me.

Virgin No. 58: Those are my testicles.

Virgin No. 59: Did you know that “virgin” is an anagram of Irving?

Virgin No. 60: First “Spamalot,” then sex.

Virgin No. 61: Great! I was hoping for circumcised.

Virgin No. 62: Was that it?

Virgin No. 63: Dang. George Clooney was being reckless on a motorcycle, but instead I got you.

Virgin No. 64: Tonight, I become a woman. But until then you can call me Bob.

Virgin No. 65: They’re called “adult diapers.” Why?

Virgin No. 66: We could do it here for free, or on a stage in Düsseldorf for money.

Virgin No. 67: I’m just Virgin No. 67 to you, right?

Virgin No. 68: Pee-yoo. Are you wearing Aramis?

Virgin No. 69: Condom, please.

Virgin No. 70: My name is Mother Teresa.

Virgin No. 71: I’m not very good at this, but let’s start with the Reverse Lotus Blossom.

Virgin No. 72: It was paradise, until you showed up.

Cellphone Tsisms

The joy of text. Texting is particularly important in maintaining contact with a wide social network – allows us to maintain social bonds even when we do not have the time, energy, inclination or budget for calls or visits. Texting re-creates the brief, frequent, spontaneous 'connections' with members of our social network that characterised the small communities of pre-industrial times. more on this as well as mobile gossips here.

Think Tank Etiquette

Tips for Think-Tank Pundits


Ten ways to drive your panel wild.

By Asia Policy Point

In times dominated by momentous questions of war and foreign policy, a particular kind of Washingtonian is bound to thrive: the think-tank pundit. But competition is relentless. Good judgment and extensive research may help advance a career, but what really matters in Washington is an elusive quality known as “Say-sO Superiority,” or SOS. Staffers at Asia Policy Point, a Washington foreign policy research center, devised the following highly scientific measure to calculate a speaker’s SOS score (and to keep themselves awake during luncheon talks).

SENTENCE USED IN SPEECH POINTS GIVEN

Mention of previous government employment or appointment:
“As we used to say in the Oval Office ... ” 10
“While it wasn’t the hardest peace negotiation I’ve ever led ...” 9
“After boarding the Secretary’s plane to Serbia ...” 7
“One reason my lanyard policy decisively improved embassy morale ... ” 0

Mention of recent trip to a war zone or country not recognized by the U.S.:
Sadr City 10
Fallujah 8
Tora Bora 7
The Green Zone Burger King 3
Darfur 1

Mention of recreational activity with senior U.S. official:
“When I was jogging recently with ...”
Condi 9
John Negroponte 8
Bob Gates 8
W. 4
The Vice President 0

Mention of recreational activity with foreign official or leader:
“When I was skiing recently with ...”
Prince Bandar 9
Tony Blair 7
Angela Merkel 6
Hugo Chávez 2
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad 0


Mention of relationship with former U.S. president or cabinet official:
“When I was playing bridge recently with ...”
Bill Clinton 10
Colin Powell 9
Brent Scowcroft 8
Henry Kissinger 6
Jimmy Carter 0.5
John Bolton 0

Ability to offer advice to announced or potential presidential candidate:
“When I was sharing my thoughts on switchgrass recently with ...”
Barack 9
Hillary 9
Newt 6
Senator McCain 3
Tom Vilsack 1

Mention of exclusive, invitation-only forum (add extra point if a featured participant):
Camp David 8
Davos 7
Aspen 5
Friendster 0

Mention of conversation with “ordinary” citizen of country within area of expertise:
Sunni insurgent 10
Contented Indian call-center employee 5
Idealistic Iranian student 3
Garrulous Nigerian taxi driver 1
Room service 0

Excuse for being five minutes late for speaking engagement:
Meeting with Ayatollah Sistani ran late 10
Meeting with Dick Cheney ran late 6
Meeting with Norm Mineta ran late 1
Felt barfy 0

Preparation/poise:
Jotting down speaking notes while being introduced 10
Complimenting co-panelist 8
Proposing “a new Marshall plan” 6
Wearing a brown suit 2
Screaming “Allahu akbar” 0

Daya

President Arroyo descended to another low with the filing of candidates. She let a namesake of Peter Cayetano to run in the Senate and Manny Pacquiao to run against Rep. Darling Custodio. Correct me if I'm wrong but President Marcos didn't stoop that low. I mean, maybe he rigged the elections or gave token opponents but not like what our president has done recently. I think only one mayor in Abra went to that extent of having a namesake run against his opponent but this mayor is patently evil and crass. The president should act presidential. And lettting Pacquiao run against the young lady who led the impeachment against her. Talk about bullying! Her husband files libel cases against journalists to the tune of millions while she leads in the nationwide culture of impunity regarding the killing of journalists and civil society heads. Presidential bullies.

Kalamansi sa Sugat

I just opened the blog of a very great friend, Willi Pascual Jr., and learned that his brother Jonathan just got operated for a brain tumor. I made a cosmic pact with Padma that all the sufferings of our common friends should end before The Year of the Pig. Let it all end.

Hidden Lives of Your Literary Greats

The Newspaper (Global View)

- A US$180 billion industry globally.
- 439 million people worldwide buy a newspaper every day.
- At least 1.4 billion readers a day.
- Global newspaper circulation sales (paid-for titles) up 0.56% in 2005 (up 6 percent over the past 5 years).
- More than 10,000 titles worldwide.
- World's second largest advertising medium (30.2%), exceeding the combined spendings of radio, outdoor, cinema, magazines and the internet.
- More than US$6 billion invested in newspaper technology in the past five years.
- Nearly two million employees worldwide.

The Semiotics of Valentine's Day

Rolling Stone Magazine Self-Promo Ads

Four Weddings and a Funeral: WH Auden's Centenary

Dear Friends:

Come join us for ALL I HAVE IS A VOICE: A CELEBRATION OF W. H. AUDEN'S 100TH BIRTHDAY, a two-day celebration in Charlottesville, Virginia (the non-virtual home of Poetry Daily) and Washington D.C.!

We're joining with the National Endowment for the Arts, the Virginia Foundation for the Humanities-Center for the Book, and the Folger Shakespeare Library in sponsoring the celebration, which includes discussions and readings of Auden's work at St. Paul's Memorial Church in Charlottesville, Virginia and at the Folger Shakespeare Library in Washington, DC on February 26 and 27, respectively. Join us!

Both events will pay tribute to Auden's comprehensive contributions to literature in genres ranging from poetry to theater to music. The event in Charlottesville will feature leading Auden scholar ARTHUR KIRSCH,professor emeritus of English at the University of Virginia; EAVAN BOLAND, Stanford Creative Writing Program Director and celebrated Irish poet; and a presentation of "Cabaret Songs," Auden poems set to music by Sir Benjamin Britten. At the Folger Library, several poets and critics will discuss and read their favorite Auden works, among them CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS, renowned author, literary critic, and frequent contributor to The Atlantic Monthly, Slate, and Vanity Fair. Hitchens will be joined by NEA CHAIRMAN DANA GIOIA, poet and scholar WILLIAM LOGAN, and EDWARD MENDELSOHN, director of the W. H. Auden Society. The Folger presentation will conclude with a performance of excerpts from "The Sea and the Mirror," Auden's poetic commentary on Shakespeare's last play, The
Tempest.

The first event takes place on Monday, February 26, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at St. Paul's Memorial Church, 1700 University Avenue, Charlottesville, VA. The Washington, DC tribute will take place on Tuesday, February 27, from 6:30-8:30 p.m. at the Folger Shakespeare Library, 201 East Capitol Street, SE, Washington, DC. BOTH EVENTS ARE FREE AND OPEN TO THE PUBLIC, however, SEATING IS LIMITED. To reserve a seat for the event in Charlottesville, send an email to audenVA@arts.endow.gov. To reserve a seat for the event in Washington, send an email to audenDC@arts.endow.gov Please provide your name, organization, phone number, and number of attendees for the event.

For information about W. H. Auden and other Auden birthday tributes in the U.S. and in England, and about NEA poetry resources and the sponsors of this two-day event, visit: http://www.arts.gov/news/news07/Auden.html

We hope to see you there!

Warmest regards,

Don Selby and Diane Boller
Co-Editors

PGH

ACTUAL SENTENCES FOUND IN PATIENT'S MEDICAL CHARTS at PHILIPPINE GENERAL HOSPITAL (PGH):

1. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it
disappeared.

3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began Seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

7. The patient refused autopsy.

8. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

9. She is numb from her toes down.

10. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

11. The skin was moist and dry.

12. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

13. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

14. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

15. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

16. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

17. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

18. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

19. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Thanks Dr. Rowland!

Palanca

The Carlos Palanca Foundation announces the opening of the 57th Carlos Palanca Memorial Awards for Literature. The country's premier literary awards will accept entries until the midnight of April 30, 2007.

The literary awards is open to all Filipino citizens and former Filipino citizens. The competition includes the following categories: Short Story, Short Story for Children, Essay, Poetry, One-act Play, and Full-length Play in Filipino and English divisions; Screenplay in Filipino division; and Short Story in Cebuano, Hiligaynon and Iluko regional languages.

This year's theme for the Kabataan Essay is "The Filipino Value I Would Like to Share with the World" for the English division; and "Ang Kaugaliang Pilipino na Nais Kong Ibahagi sa Mundo" for the Filipino division. This is a special category open to persons below 18 years old.

Established in 1950, one of the objectives of the Palanca Awards is to serve as an incentive for Filipino writers to craft their outstanding literary works. It is noteworthy that more and more first-time entrants are winning in the contest.

National Artist for Literature Edith Tiempo noted that writers should take full advantage of the annual literary competition to hone their craft. "We are all privileged to have a good number of our writers and their best works being acclaimed and applauded – and we, readers and writers may well wonder about the enormity of literary expertise and craftmanship and long earnest labor that must have gone into the performing of these chosen works."

Entries for the literary competition may be submitted in person, or sent by mail or courier service to Carlos Palanca Foundation, 6th Floor, CPJ Building., 105 C. Palanca Jr. St., Legaspi Village, Makati City. Entries may also be submitted through e-mail in Rich Text Format or in Microsoft Word Document as an attachment, together with the author's resume, official entry form and original copy of the
notarized authorization form.

Complete contest rules and official entry forms may be obtained from the Carlos Palanca Foundation office or via e-mail to cpawards@info.com.ph or palancaawards@yahoo.com. For inquiries, please call 818-3681, local 31.

The Love Song of J. Alfred Pugak

To Choy sa Remembrances

Let go then, sabi na kasi
While Malate was trying to catch its breath
Like a patient etherised upon a table,

Our table where we engulfed four tables of bottles of beer
And two wine bottles given by the other customers
who must loved watching us lose our collective dignity

Let us go, I texted you,
Instead I retreated muttering,
Spent a dreamless time in a cheap motel in Quezon City
While Cris looked for me in Luneta
Thinking I would be watching the sunrise at the bay.
The sunrise is always on the other side.

Of course, we can always laugh the next day
And follow all the street's tedious arguments.
We knew Eliot's "benevolent question"
But you almost lost your wits
When you went out and returned to the other bar
Finding yourself inside Hobbit's House
As the midgets were getting out of Dante's Eighth Chasm of Hell
Oh, don't text me, "What is it."
You knew you did what you did.

In the VIP rooms, the women come and go
While we imitate Eliot imitating Laforgue
And remembered Pete Lacaba that night
Singing his Filipino translation of the Cole Porter.

For we have known them all, known them all already
Have known Derrida and Derriada,
Lyotard and leotards, Barthes and Bartheks.
I have measured my life in coffee spoons
Must have drank enough coffee in Starbucks
To provide you all with your planners
But have not known love

And indeed there would be time
But no time to talk about yellow fogs.
There will be time;
The shouting emails creeping on us;
The threatening texts;
The begging text from Avie who promised Marquez's
Novella of sorrowful GROs
If only I finish that long-promised article.
And no time for love
So how should I presume?

Sige na nga, in the VIP rooms, the GROs come and go
Talking of Michaelangelo

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, ' Do I care? ' and, ' Do I dare? '
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair--
Buti pa si Ed who kept his Palmolive tress
Even though that night he and opened exposed their breasts

Shall I say I left you all
In that bar with the sad songs and earthshaking headlines
And watched the GROs in Quezon Avenue leave their nightclubs
Fetched by lonely men leaning out of taxi windows jeepneys
But I slept in my own taxi on the way to the hotel
Holding a plastic bag of vomit
For though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed
Received letters calling for my head on a cold cuts platter
What I did between the leaving and the vomit I can not remember
Maybe That's why they call that fateful bar Remembrances
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
While you did your Chicken Ska Dances
But there will be time, sabi na nga e, there will be time
Time to murder and create, time for deadlines
But no time for love

But I now recall some things that might have happened
Memories that clogged the drunken sieve
As ten thousand brain cells pass us every night of our drinking.
"What was i thinking" is all I can say.
I knew there was groping and embracing
But the woman I can't remember

But I knew what you did that night
With the girl I used to know
Maybe because of her name
Maybe because we were both drunk when it happened
But I kept the magic of "Oh and S"
Not like you who linger like yellow fuck, sorry, fog
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

How hard was it to defend yourself now?
Your answered, "That is not what I meant at all.
That is not it at all. " when you should have answered,
"Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
And how should I presume?"

Because after all we just spent the day
Watching how these butt-ends were created.
How many? One-hundred million cigarettes a day!
And there we were laughing as Pigeon lit his first butt-head
For the year. We will grow old
But have not known love.

Someday we will come back to this
And find fault to Pete Lacaba and the other singers then
We would say, "I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.
I do not think that they will sing to me."

Let go then, sabi na kasi
But you lingered and fingered.
So instead you would receive an email
From that girl that came and went
And she would begin, Hello, placid...
No, that's not what she meant,
Not placid but flaccid.

And they would all laugh at us
Their saliva raining as we struggle to wake up
And we drown.

The poem

Here is the illustrated version. If you want the bigger photos of your enemies, email me

Valentines Dinner with Verse

Four years ago, Baboo M and I coordinated on an erotic poetry reading complete with aphrodisiacal menu. It was successful and tomorrow night, the newly-revived Baguio Writers Group, will hold another erotic poetry reading. Padmapani Perez, together with mom Adelaida and sister Fifi, concocted a menu for the reading on Valentine's Day at CAFE BY THE RUINS. Please come.


A Poet's Dinner for St. Valentine's Day

starters:

Fish Balls and Sotanghon Soup
Or
Hot and Cold Soup
(Squash and Broccoli-Potato-Leek Soup)


Salad:

Oriental Crispy Fish and 2-Mangos


Main Course:

Grilled Pork Loin
Or
Thai Chicken
Or
Tofu and Bananas Mantra
With
Mountain Rice


Dessert:

Floating Island
Or
Strawberries and Cream


With:
Fruit juice and coffee or tea


Php. 500.00

The readers are:

Jimmy Agpalo
Jenny Cariño
Day Caluza
Merci Dulawan
Joy Cruz
Christine Flores
Xiaui Macagba
Nonette Benet
Luchie Maranan
EV Espiritu
Gilbert Francia

Babeth will read one of her poems and one of mine, a new one.

Slide

When we were young, we would toboggan on the slope near the house. Toboggan is a relative term because we would never have snow but one time, a supermarket, Bellan's, was being built in a nearby street and they have to take out the soil. They dumped them at the slope, burying the marapait (wild sunflowers) but making a fine slope to slide especially when it just rained. We made our sled with a board of plywood, waxed with candles and the bitter leaves of marapait. I still wonder why no one was hurt, thinking how easy it would have been to have an avalanche (he, he, mudslide). At the bottom, we have to pass through a field of cabbage and sidestreets that would take us 20 minutes to go back on top. The safer slide would be on the slope going to Paul Fianza's house beside Magsaysay Elementary School. That's a 40 degree slope of cement but the students would never dare do it on schooldays or they would get whipped on the butt (which was still sore after those tobogganning). My brother has a secret slope but he abandoned it after getting wounded by a hidden barbed wire. It happened on Good Friday. They said your wounds won't heal if you hurt yourself on Good Friday. My brother still has the scar after all these years. I'm sure he's secretly proud of it as he tells his stories to his sons but I doubt it. They're always on the Internet playing games that won't even hurt a soul.

Five years from now, si Andy, Toots and Mau

Titans

As Vince would often say in his messages: I'm the King of the World!!!! I'm the King. I'm the King!

Towel ni Andy

Pilosopong Pig

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would move the pig from one apple to another until the pig was satisfied, then he would start again with another pig. The city man watched this activity for some time with great astonishment. Finally, he could not resist saying to the farmer, "This is the most inefficient method of feeding pigs that I can imagine. Just think of the time that would be saved if you simply shook the apples off the tree and let the pigs eat them from the ground!" The farmer looked puzzled and replied,
"What's time to a pig?"

Pig Jokes

I bought a jokebook on pigs for P15. These are not one of them because these are profound:

Why Did the Pig Cross the Road ?

Plato: For the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability..
Machiavelli: So that its subjects will view it with admiration, as a pig which has the daring and courage to boldly cross the road, but also with fear, for whom among them has the strength to contend with such a paragon of porcine virtue? In such a manner is the princely pig's dominion maintained.
Hippocrates: Because of an excess of light pink gooey stuff in its pancreas.
Jacques Derrida: Any number of contending discourses may be discovered within the act of the pig crossing the road, and each interpretation is equally valid as the authorial intent can never be discerned, because structuralism is DEAD, DAMMIT, DEAD!
Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the pig and I'll find out.
Timothy Leary: Because that's the only kind of trip the Establishment would let it take.
Douglas Adams: Forty-two.
Nietzsche: Because if you gaze too long across the Road, the Road gazes also across you.
B.F. Skinner: Because the external influences which had pervaded its sensorium from birth had caused it to develop in such a fashion that it would tend to cross roads, even while believing these actions to be of its own free will.
Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual pigs cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.
Jean-Paul Sartre: In order to act in good faith and be true to itself, the pig found it necessary to cross the road.
Ludwig Wittgenstein: The possibility of "crossing" was encoded into the objects "pig" and "road," and circumstances came into being which caused the actualization of this potential occurrence.
Albert Einstein: Whether the pig crossed the road or the road crossed the pig depends upon your frame of reference.
Aristotle: To actualize its potential.
Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own pig-nature.
Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic,unprecedented porcine quadruped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly elegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.
Salvador Dali: The Fish.
Darwin: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.
Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.
Epicurus: For fun.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Johann Friedrich von Goethe: The eternal sow-principle made it do it.
Werner Heisenberg: We are not sure which side of the road the pig was on, but it was moving very fast.
Schrodinger: Pig? Pig!? Where's my cat?
David Hume: Out of custom and habit.
Frank Perdue: I breed the finest pig I know how, and it crosses the road as part of a vigorous fitness program to raise the leanest, plumpest pigs anywhere. Besides, I was chasing it with this axe at the time.
Ronald Reagan: I don't recall.
The Sphinx: You tell me
Mr. T: If you saw me coming you'd cross the road too!
Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of life.
Mark Twain: The news of its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
Molly Yard: It was a sow!
Zeno of Elea: To prove it could never reach the other side.

Bad Movie Quotes

To round up our stupid movie lines, we give you liteal translations in Filipino of American movies:
Dead Man's Chest - Dodo ng Patay
Mary Poppins - Mariang Putok
Brokeback Mountain - Bumigay sa Wright Park
The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - Ako, Ikaw at Kayong Lahat
Four Weddings and A Funeral - Apat na Beses Ka Mang Magpakasal, Madededo Ka Rin
Waterworld - Navotas
Black Hawk Down - Maitim ang Ari
Swordfish - Talakitok
Kill Bill 2 - Kilikili at Bilbil
Gone in 60 Seconds - 1 Round, Tulog
The Fast and The Furious - Ang Bitin, Galit
Too Fast, Too Furious - Kapag Sobrang Bitin, Lalong Nagagalit
Never Been Kissed - Pangit Ka Ba?
Harry Potter and The Sorcerer's Stone - Adik si Harry, Tumira ng Shabu
Employee of the Month - Ang Sipsip
Robin Hood: Men in Tights - Robin Padilla, Naging Kapitan Barbell
Snakes on a Plane - Ahasan sa Ere

Our Theme for February

is pigs. Cute pigs.

A mulatto, an albino, a Filipino playing keno

One of the greatest embarassments of our childhood is singing aloud a misheard lyric. That happened to me with a Grease song and an Olivia Newton-John at that. The song most misheard, of course, is the Nirvana song mumbled by Kurt Cobain, Smells Like Teen Spirit. A website known as Archive of Misheard Lyrics had many contributions on SLTS.
JP on September 17, 2001, 6:39 pm was 15 when he discovered that his "Look what I've found! This is dangerous!" should be "With the lights out, it's less dangerous." Caroline was 12 and singing "Here we are now, and contained us" when it should be,
"Here we are now; entertain us."
Rowan Vanis was like most of us though when he sang that as "Here we are now, we're contagious."
But there was a line later which goes: "And it's stupid, and contagious" which was misheard by drug-free Gladys Potts as: I feed two pigs, with containers.
Lilly sang the whole stanza as: "With the salad its less dangerous/ Here we are now with potatoes/ With a mars bar, and potatoes/ And some salad and potatoes."
Mesa Called Gann sang, "And bananas,and potatoes" when it should be "A mulatto, an albino." "Actually it was my cousin. I was babysiting for him and one of his friends. To pass the time I listened to loud music while they beat up each other. After I went through all of my CDs my cousin asked "Why does that song go like 'and banannas and potatoes'?" At that point I corrected him," said Mesa.
The single phrase, "A denial" was misheard by Dave as "Pop your eye out." Yes, he was on drugs.
Scott Clair on October 2, 2001, 12:01 pm said, "I found out when my friend who had the album insistently thrust the lyrics into my face after a heated exchange. However, my interpretation makes more sense and is more interesting."
The correct lyrics are: A mulatto, an albino, a mosquito, my libido.
Clair sang, "A mulatto, an albino, a Filipino playing keno"
A Filipino playing bingo? Oo naman. i think that is the right answer.

Martin's Poll II

Last night, Martin M again polled us. Again, I thought it was a one-on-one thing and gave a very bo-o-o-ring reply. His text query was:

My sister Felina has been texting me the past days re: Baguio's nippy weather. Apparently they hit 9 degrees celsius a few days back. Kainggit!!! Anyway, I sent a random poll via text early this evening. It reads:

"It's rather chilly, shld I wear my cabled cashmere vest, merino wool sweater, or tweed coat? Hmmm..."

Here are some replies :-)

BENJIE FRANZUELA -- "Pashmina or chateuse, para mas maka attract ng wild life preservationists. Di ba :-)"

CHRIS MEDINA -- "Wear leather. 2nd skin." (short and sweet I must say)

FRANK CIMATU -- "Wear them all" (Frankie Dearie, I don't work in a call center noh?!)

FELINA -- "Agawid ka ketdin ittoy Baguio" (translation: we miss your cooking)

NONNET BENNETT -- "Yabang. Cashmere not warm enuf. Wool it." (wool is a verb now?! :-p )

EPI JORGE -- "Di suede pashmina kaya?" (Saan makakabili nun?!

CHARLEY STA. MARIA -- "Haha Taray ... I'd say ... tweed coat dahlin" (How very Brent School diba Charley?)

JOY MASADAO -- "Pay a visit 2 Baguio & u cld add d ol english trench"

NINA LEDESMA -- "You're in Baguio? Kainggit! Remember: chaka ang chaleko" (chaleko! Haha! havent heard that term since the 70s)

MELVIN LEE -- "Ang arte. Haha" (Mas maarte ka, Melvin :-p )

KATY PALASI -- "D Armani jacket pleeze! Hahaha!"

LIZA JALANDONI -- "Kainis" (stressed mother?)

BETSY MULLER -- "Dahlin what about your burberry all weather? :-)" (burberry's so...so... soooo greenhills tiangge)

ANTON PAMINTUAN -- "Go for the cashmere. Match ba sa pants?" (Cashmere pants?! Huh?!)

KOKOY PALMA -- "Gaga! Long johns lang ok na" (The longer the better, hahaha)

MARTA LOVINA -- "Dahling, you can never go wrong w sable"

JOHN ROBILLOS -- "Dahlin, gamitin mo yung ginawa nyo ni Felina sa baguio na gawa sa cannon yarn!"

PADMA PEREZ -- "Nothing says class like cashmere! Most people won't even know what it is when they touch it! hahahaha!"

JJ JOSEF -- "Buset! Magkumot ka! Hahaha!"

NADINE NAVARRO -- "Has to be mink. Pray you dont meet any PETA activists" (wala ng aktibista sa PETA. Well, the other PETA)

GARY GARCIA -- "Why not the old reliable mink dahling!"

GRACE SUBIDO -- "Hmmm. 2 pc string bikini is the only way to go! :-) Then whip out the mink to go over that."

And my Top 5 replies are:

No. 5: ANDI ESIMOS -- "Just don't wear the chinchilla opera coat! U never know w these activists!"

No. 4: SUSAN TAGLE -- "The Merino Wool! Ganda pakinggan eh!"

No. 3: JORDAN JORDA -- "Uminom ka ng bilog! Yes, the temp here is comfy" (nasa baguio ka na naman Jordan?!)

No. 2: CHARISSA REYES -- "Wishin you the warmth, happiness, & goodwill of the season & all the best that new year can bring...MERRY X'MAS!... wag na mag-comment, maginaw eh"

NO. 1: JAY LOZADA -- "Bakla ka talaga!" (hahahaha! takes one to know one, abuelita! :-p )

salamat sa global warming pwede mag-layering sa maynila. This afternoon at 4 pm, the neighborhood puto vendor was in a vintage varsity jacket. O diba?!

Cheers! abangan at sumali sa next text poll!

"Deep down inside I was glad it was cold. For while I was keeping you warm, I was secretly loving you" -- I forgot who wrote this poem/ditty. Si Joe Pintauro yata.

Mahrtahn :-)

Martin's Poll I

You are a nothing in Baguio until Martin M. polls you. Last week, he polled the non-nothings about Panagbenga.
His poll query, done through texting, is:

"Am sure street dancing in panagbenga will b 2 d tune of boom tarat tarat, bido bido bi, and a bamboo song! Aaaaargh!"

And here's Martin's email:

Here are the fabulous replies I got in return:

Frank Cimatu: Howd You know Lady Godiva

Inyong Geslani: You can bet ur boom taratarat on that!

Raymond Oribio: hahahaha! My greatest fear!

Endong Nevada: Dats wat we get 4 being collectively jologs hehe!

Grace Subido: Haay Naku! Kadiri to evn just think abt it! :p

Joey tiomico: Yikes! Kadiri! Wag nman sana

Tonet del Monte: WALA AKO PKIALAM VERY 3RD WORLD ANG CLEBRATION TALAGA. D NILA ALAM YON MGA BUSABOS CLA WALA CLA ALAM KUNDI BNATOG BBQ BLUT MANGA HILAW.

Jill Yabut-Cortes: hay naku dapat gawa tayo ng bagong festival!

And so Jill and I continued text messaging until I/we touched on the coming elections. And here's our text repartee:

My Text: Dammy Bangaoet created a monster! :-)

Jill: Pearls to swine!

Me: Let the first trapo who hasnt benefited from the pork barrel cast the first pearl! :-)

Jill: This election is going to be a circus! I'll bring the popcorn!

Me: I'll sell pink cotton candy to sweeten things up a bit!

Jill: Oooh lets wear black and pearls to give a little contrapuntal touch to the slapstick clown show!

Me: Okay, you be Audrey and I'll be Coco! It's about time we bring back integrity and good taste and class to Baguio City! Hahaha!

Jill: Now Coco, don't get too worked up. You don't deserve those fine lines on the face! Let's do a black n pearls campaign to boycott elections, until we have a good candidate!

Me: Sure! Via text message and emails!