Iron Man as Drunken Master

Pregnancy for Idiots

Some of those who got pregnant but more from the impregnators. Anyways, here's the guide:

Unholyhours Tackles the Rice Crisis

by queueing to these sites:
1) 30 Years Ago Haiti Grew All the Rice It Needed. What Happened?
The U.S. Role in Haiti's Food Riots

By BILL QUIGLEY

Riots in Haiti over explosive rises in food costs have claimed the lives of six people. There have also been food riots world-wide in Burkina Faso, Cameroon, Cote d'Ivorie, Egypt, Guinea, Mauritania, Mexico, Morocco, Senegal, Uzbekistan and Yemen.

The Economist, which calls the current crisis the silent tsunami, reports that last year wheat prices rose 77% and rice 16%, but since January rice prices have risen 141%. The reasons include rising fuel costs, weather problems, increased demand in China and India, as well as the push to create biofuels from cereal crops. (see comments for the rest)

2) Radical Science can Help

3) My idol Luis Teodoro on rice and crisis: It's an attribute the left everywhere shares. The right may have the money, the power, and the guns, but it's the left that has the brains, the organizational will, and the passion to sustain any fight. That capacity is being demonstrated particularly in Latin America, where leftist and center-left governments have been elected in key countries, among them Bolivia, Paraguay and Venezuela. Vying with that development is the Maoist triumph in the recent elections in Nepal, right here in Asia. What was instrumental in all these instances was the leftist capacity for painstaking organizing, mass education and mobilization, often against near-impossible odds. It helps explain why the Arroyo regime has filed murder charges against and intensified its surveillance of Ocampo and company-- seemingly despite, but actually because, of the crisis over


rice. More on comments

4) Congo has a different crisis. Witches have been going around the country, stealing men's penises. In the Philippines, they get our livers and in Africa, Hmmmmm! SOS PCIJ!

5) The 5th Gathering of the (Anne) Rice Philippines (left) Hmmm. Rice vampires

6) Bad spellers: The 1000 peso note depicts Jose Abad Santos, Vincent Lim, and Josefa Llanes Escoda. On the reverse you can see the rice terasses in Banawe, and some tribal artifacts. You won't come across this note very often, and you shouldn't expect your taxi driver to have change from it.

7) Oo nga naman, why only WHITE rice? Bakit ayaw niyo ng BROWN rice? Kasi mga colonial mentality kayo! Puro lang whitening ang alam niyo. It's beautiful to be dark. Darak is the best.

8) As the bishops insist (including Bishop as*lickers Rene Q. Bas and Antonio Montalvan III), it's corruption not population. Never population, ha! And the population of the Philippines can fit in Makati. Never population, please. Let the Pinoys multiply because Jesus loves the poor. Hey, look at the good side. We will supply the workers in the FUTURE! Condoms are Hell's raincoat. Imagine na lang if former Diosdado Macapagal used a condom, then there would have been no PGMA! And look na lang at the sons of the president. Good people. Shades of PGMA with the combined libido of their parents. Would we allow them to wear condoms. No way.

9) Condoleeza Rice

10) Let them eat cake, as the Americans would now say

Eric Clapton in North Korea's Approved Lyric Sheet

From McSweeney's

Wonderful Tonight

It's late on another glorious evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on just a modest amount of makeup, and brushes her unpretentiously short black hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful—but not wonderful in a seductive way—tonight."

Tears in Heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in some socialist paradise in the afterlife?
Would it be the same
Again, if I saw you in some socialist paradise in the afterlife?

Cocaine

If you got bad news (which does not exist), you wanna kick them blues (ditto).
Unlike Americans, don't do cocaine.
When your day is done and you wanna stay. Go home.
No Korean has ever tried cocaine.

Bhutto's Death Solved

It turned out to be "accumulation of methane," Pakistani police said, echoing their Philippine counterpart.

Filipino-American Reading List: Punkd!

Nerissa Balce sent this through Roland:

In the grand tradition of English film titles translated into Filipino, such as Adik si Harry, Tumira ng Shabu (Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone), Uuy...Aminin! (I Know What You did Last Summer) and Ang Proyekto ng Bruhang si Blair (The Blair Witch Project), here are some playful translations of books by Filipino American studies scholars. The asides and alternative titles are mine.

1. White Love – Ang Boypren Ko, Puti!
2. Empire of Care – Nars
3. Servants of Globalization - Tsimay (alternative title: DH)
4. Children of Global Migration - Mga Anak ng Tsimay (alternative title: DHL or DH Litter)
5. Forced Passages – Ginahasang Konbik (Obscurantism. Better is "Ang Bagong Daan")
6. American Tropics – Libog at Init sa Amerika (alternative title: Mga Trapik sa America)
7. Global Divas – Kabaklaan na Naman!
8. Locating Filipino Americans – Saan nga Ba ang Mga Pinoy? (alternative title: Kaya Nga TNT)
9. Positively No Filipinos Allowed – Sabi sa 'Yo, Wala Talagang Pinoy! (alternative title: Sabi sa Iyo, Walang Vacancy para sa Atin)
10. Model Minority Imperialism – America's Neks Top Model
11. Fantasy-Production – Charing!
12. From Exile to Diaspora – La Visa Loka
13. The Star Entangled Banner – Ang Bandilang Pinaluputan ni Guy and Vi (Kailangang Ipa-Rebond ang Flag)
14. Five Faces of Exile – Ang Limang X-Men

I also looked at anti-Desperate Housewives online petition originator Kevin Nadal's book list for other Fil-Am Studies canon (Hey, he won a contest at Michigan State for his Asian-American book collection!). These are other Fil-Am Studies tomes ripe for translation:

Root, Maria P.P. (1997). Filipino Americans: Transformation and Identity. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications -- Ako si Transformer!
Bacho, Peter (1997). Dark Blue Suit. Seattle: University of Washington Press. -- Ukay-Ukay!
Buaken, Manuel (1948). I Have Lived with the American People. Caldwell, Idaho: Caxton Printers, Ltd.-- Gapo
Bulosan, Carlos (1995). On Becoming Filipino. Philadelphia: Temple University Press.-- Paano Mag-apply ng Dual Citizenship
Coronel, Leandro V. (1997). The Invisible Americans: Why the Filipinos in American Lack Political Clout. Alexandria, VA: Cogs Publishing -- Anong Pakialam Ko sa Blond Hair Mo?
Hagedorn, Jessica (1990). Dogeaters. New York: Penguin Books -- Baguio Cuisine
Ileto, Reynaldo Clemena (1979). Pasyon and Revolution: Popular Movements in the Philippines, 1840-1910. Manila: Ateneo de Manila University Press -- Edsa Revolution: Mga Prequel
McReynolds, Patricia Justiani (1997). Almost Americans: A Quest for Dignity. Santa Fe: Red Crane Books -- Mali Ang Sagot sa Embasi. Pakshet!
Okamura, Jonathan Y. (1998). Imagining the Filipino American Diaspora: Transnational Relations, Identities, and Communities. New York: Garland Publishing -- Pahabaan ng Title Para Sikat
Yamanaka, Lois-Ann (1997). Blu’s Hanging. New York: Ferrar, Strauss, and Giroux -- Nagnakaw ng Bughaw na Hawaiian Shirt, Binitay!

and the canon of them all:
Carlos Bulosan's America is in the Heart -- Grabe na itong Organ Trafficking na toh!

Vietnam Wants You to Watch inside a Moviehouse

Advertising Agency: Ogilvy & Mather Vietnam
Creative Director: Tom Notman
Art Director: Le Huy Anh
Copywriters: Richmond Walker, Ly Doan
Photographer: James Domingo
Illustrator: Le Huy Anh

Lucas Sings in The Rain

Here's how George Lucas would do "Singin' In The Rain"
And an added bonus: The Wookie and the Ewok

Bergman and Antonioni in Purgatory

Antonioni: Christo, karma is truly a bitch, much like yourself, Herr Bergman. We appear well-suited to drive each other insane forever and ever. How terribly rich (yawns).

Bergman: (stage whisper) God, must you torture me again with doubt?! Do you prove your existence by shackling me for all eternity with this...this...fashion photographer, or is it merely a heedless universe's cruel impartiality? No, that's not it...is it...something worse?

Antonioni: Que cacarella, listen to you. Tell God I have nothing to say.

Bergman: I see you've finally been listening to your critics, Signor. Now, if only you'd listened to them before you made Zabriskie Point...

Antonioni: Tut. Just because I dropped acid with the Panthers and got blown by the Plaster Casters is no reason to be a spoil sport. It is, you might say, a film of its time, rife with the era's...inertia. Whereas you spent the late sixties in some kind of Fruedian tailspin, wolfen passions and shames and what have you. I showed the uselessness of it all. You were merely useless...

Bergman: Useless, was I? That was a Jungian tailspin, thank you, unleashing an archetypal unconscious in Hour of the Wolf, along with cinema verite real-politics providing different archetypes of modern war in Shame. There's only one use for hippie porn and exploding the most vapid Technicolor commodities imaginable to the accompaniment of Pink Floyd isn't what I mean...acid with the Panthers. You wish.

And so on in this imagined sketch by James Keepnews

GoogleEarth of LOL Catz

This is Spartaah

Spartacat, actually

The Other Nguyen Classic: War Chronicle

This time he has a teacher who has a sense of humor.

Disco Cats

PGMA Prays for Rains. Religious Leaders Heckle.

From -- http://www.professionalheckler. blog-city. com/ --

Prayers

Hoping to end the dry spell, President Arroyo is reportedly seeking divine intervention now. Rumors say she has sought the help of some of the country’s religious leaders to ask God for continuous rainfall. Their responses are as follows:

Archbishop Oscar Cruz:
"Pray for rain? Sige, we will pray for rain. Pero… mag-resign ka muna."

Ka Ernie Manalo:
"Mahal ng Diyos ang kanyang Iglesia! Ipagkaloob mo lang sa Kanya ang sampung porsiyento ng iyong suweldo, tiyak ibibigay ng Diyos ang iyong minimithing ulan."

Bro. Mike Velarde:
"Mahal na pangolo… Kong may pananaleg ka, balegtaren mo lang ang iyong payong at ewagayway mu ang eyong puting handkerchep at pakekenggan ni Yahweh El Shaddai ang iyong kahelengan. Ngayon din mahal na pangolo… oolan! Babagyu! Seksek, legleg at omaapaw pa!"

A Self-Proclaimed Imam in Basilan (Refused to be identified):
"Tutulong kaming manalangin kay Allah upang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan ngunit sa isang kondisyon Misis Prisidint: pupugutan ka namin ng ulo! Deal or No Deal?"

Bro. Ely Soriano:
"Tarantado ka pala eh! Tagtuyot man o tag-ulan, kagustuhan ng Panginoon 'yan. Kung 'di ka ba naman tanga at kalahati, bakit mo pipiliting umulan kung panahon talaga ng tagtuyot? Gago!"

Dark and Stormy

The crater of the volcano glowed red against the black sky, looking as if God had taken a drag of His cigar - if He smoked - which of course, He didn't.

Wendy Spoelstra
Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

This is the shortest entry to the 2007 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest. Not bad, considering Bulusan Volcano is due to explode anytime. The winner by the way is also volcano-related.

Gerald began--but was interrupted by a piercing whistle which cost him ten percent of his hearing permanently, as it did everyone else in a ten-mile radius of the eruption, not that it mattered much because for them "permanently" meant the next ten minutes or so until buried by searing lava or suffocated by choking ash--to pee.

This gem is from Jim Gleeson, a 47-year-old media technician from Madison, Wisconsin. BLFC celebrates bad writing. I have the book on the first winners, back in 1982. This means that this edition is the 25th. The website, reminded to us by Butch Perez, said:

An international literary parody contest, the competition honors the memory (if not the reputation) of Victorian novelist Edward George Earl Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873). The goal of the contest is childishly simple: entrants are challenged to submit bad opening sentences to imaginary novels. Although best known for "The Last Days of Pompeii" (1834), which has been made into a movie three times, originating the expression "the pen is mightier than the sword," and phrases like "the great unwashed" and "the almighty dollar," Bulwer-Lytton opened his novel Paul Clifford (1830) with the immortal words that the "Peanuts" beagle Snoopy plagiarized for years, "It was a dark and stormy night."

I am at an Internet shop in Manila, specifically near Bayview. I am early only because I want to make myself suffer watching the last inning of the Boston-Seattle baseball game which Seattle is losing. Most of the clients are preparing their resume for the US, which is just in front. They hope to make it to the US, knowing it is a dark and stormy chance.

I Lived On The Moon....NOT

Below you would see Kwoon's I Lived on The Moon from their first album, "Tales & Dreams." Yannick Puig made the animation and the clip had been viewed almost 500,000 times since June. Many love the clip and they see themselves in the young boy.
Now when I was a young boy, this was already the reply. Time Machine, activate! Here comes The Muppets (and Aaron Neville)!!!!



Well, I'd like to visit the moon
On a rocketship high in the air.
Yes, I'd like to visit the moon,
But I don't think I'd like to live there.
Though I'd like to look down at the earth
From above,
I'd miss all the places
and people I love,
So although I might like it for one afternoon,
I don't want to live on the moon.

I'd like to travel under the sea.
I could meet all the fish everywhere.
Yes, I'd travel under the sea,
But I don't think I'd like to live there.
I might stay for a day there
If i had my wish,
But there's not much to do
When your friends are all fish,
And an oyster and clam aren't real family,
So I don't want to live under the sea.

I'd like to visit the jungle,
Hear the lion's roar;
Go back and meet a dinosaur.
There's so many strange places I'd like to be
But none of them permanently.

So if I should visit the moon,
Well, I'll dance on a moonbeam, and then
I will make a wish on a star,
And I'll wish I was home once again.
Though I'd like to look down at the earth from above,
I would miss all the places
And people I love
So although I may go,
I'll be coming home soon,
'Cause I don't want to live on the moon.
No, I don't want to live on the moon

London Olympics Logo and its Mutants

Paris Hilton's Prison Diary

Day 5: Gandhi went to prison. So did Martin Luther King Jr. So did Robert Downey Jr. and Martha Stewart Jr. and I think Nelson Mandela Jr. Mandela was imprisoned for, like, 50 years or something for being black and also for driving an uninsured vehicle, if I'm reading Wikipedia correctly. Nicky often mentions me and Gandhi and how incredibly thin we both are and how she wonders if he used bronzer.