Eric Clapton in North Korea's Approved Lyric Sheet

From McSweeney's

Wonderful Tonight

It's late on another glorious evening; she's wondering what clothes to wear.
She puts on just a modest amount of makeup, and brushes her unpretentiously short black hair.
And then she asks me, "Do I look all right?"
And I say, "Yes, you look wonderful—but not wonderful in a seductive way—tonight."

Tears in Heaven

Would you know my name
If I saw you in some socialist paradise in the afterlife?
Would it be the same
Again, if I saw you in some socialist paradise in the afterlife?

Cocaine

If you got bad news (which does not exist), you wanna kick them blues (ditto).
Unlike Americans, don't do cocaine.
When your day is done and you wanna stay. Go home.
No Korean has ever tried cocaine.