Wonkette 2

Kalinga

For Representative

Manuel Swegen Agyao Kampi
James Bejarin LP
Joseph Delson LP
Macario Duguiang NPC
Danzel Langkit United Opposition


For Gov

Rommel Diasen Lakas CMP
Warren Luyaben Ind
Laurence Wacnang Lakas, LP, Kampi, NPC

Vice Gov

Jocel Baac Ind
Benigno Duyan Lakas
Benedicto Sugguiyao Ind



MP

For Rep

Sario Malinias LP
Jupiter Dominguez Ind
Efren Lingwa Ind
Arnulfo Pilando Partido liberal
Victor Dominguez Kampi
Francisco Siblawan Ind
Carlito Afadchay Ind


Gov

Maximo Dalog Lakas
Bonifacio Lacwasan Kampi
Harry Dominguez Ind

Vice Gov
Benjamin Dominguez Ind
Louis Claver Ind

Sagada Mayor
Dave Gulian
Francis Tauli
Eduardo Latawan Jr

Sabangan Mayor
Junbert Gunaden
Telesforo Gut-onen
Donato Luis Danglose
Martin Budod

Barlig Mayor
Ferdinand Charaychay
Apolonio Fiarangot
Crispin Fias-ilan
Albert Kiwan
Heraldo Lamaton
Simon Layong
Magdalena Lupoyon

Mobile Phone

Literally, in India. There was an Indian there loading a cart (komboys of Hilltop, take note) with two coin- and battery-operated public telephones. He bought them from a telecommunication company at a cost of $170. At the end of the day, he gets to keep half of the "mobile booth" earnings. I imagine the "bombays" here would be doing that soon.

The One Inch Punch

One Inch Punch Documentary - The best free videos are right here

Pichay

Prospero Pichay has a way of bringing out his name in the news. The Philippine Daily Inquirer, for example, manages to bring out stories of him in all parts of the news. If he doesn't make it in the Across the Nation, which is often, he makes it in Sports being the head of the chess federation. I think Sammy Senoren, the former PDI vice boss, is part of his campaign team. Manila Bulletin is even worse, managing to put Pichay's story in the front page including his picture. One day, though, his name did not appear in Manila Bulletin. A friend informed me about it. "How sure are you," I asked him. He gave me the front page. How about this on the upper right corner, I said. He laughed because there it was on the upper right is a photo of Pichai Chuensuksawadi, editor-in-chief of Bangkok Post, who was in town for an Asian media event.
Here's the photo that came out in the Inquirer. Only that poor Chavit was taken out. The Pichay planting machine talaga!


I received this text from Martin:
Tulungan niyo po ang pinsan ko para makapasok sa Senado. Mabait po siya.
Labis na nagpapasalamat,
Ripulyo

Media Ethics: Online Suicide

British man commits suicide online. Police in Shropshire are investigating the death of a man who apparently committed suicide while talking to friends online via a webcam.

Kevin Whitrick, a father of two, shocked chat-room users when he appeared to hang himself from the ceiling of his home on Wednesday night. He was pronounced dead by police who forced their way into his home in Wellington after being alerted to the incident by an internet user. Whitrick was pronounced dead at the scene. "An investigation into all the circumstances surrounding his death has been launched and police can now confirm that Mr Whitrick was using a webcam in an internet chat room at the time of his death," a West Mercia Police spokesman said.

Wonkette 1

From April 1 to May 15, this blog is going to be your Northern Luzon Wonkette, which will be giving you the latest political gossips, data and analysis.
This just in:

Incumbent Gov. Vicente "Vicsyd" Valera avoided a confrontation with the Bersamin clan by switching to congressman at the last minute.
"I am prepared for that," said Eustaquio "Kit" Bersamin, who filed earlier for governor in the hope of facing Valera, who is accused of murdering his brother, Rep. Luis "Chito" Bersamin and his bodyguard, SPO1 Adolfo Ortega, last December 16.
Instead Bersamin who will run under Kampi would be meeting Valera's wife, Ma. Zita Claustro-Valera for the gubernatorial race.
Meeting Gov. Valera, who runs under NPC, for congressman are Lagayan Mayor Cecilia Luna, Alex Seguerra, Gil Astudillo Valera, Noel Quibayen and Bucloc Mayor Mailed Molina.
Apayao is still Bulut country with Rep. Elias Bulut Jr. running uncontested in the congressional race. His father, Gov. Elias K. Bulut Sr. will be meeting Amado Almazan in the gubernatorial race.
In Benguet, Ronald Cosalan would be meeting incumbent Rep. Samuel Dangwa in a rivalry between the two political clans that spanned for 30 years. Bedis Guznian plays the unlikely spoiler.
The gubernatorial race is more exciting with three candidates with equal chances of winning: La Trinidad Mayor Nestor Fongwan, incumbent Gov. Borromeo Melchor and former Vice-Gov. Edna Tabanda.
The rest of the candidates:

Apayao

Conner Mayor: Paul Delwasen and Victor Begtas
Kabugao Mayor: Reynaldo Talimbatog and Eufracio Bayani
Pudtol Mayor: Batara Laoat, Edano Patayan and Elmer Canonizado

Abra

Daguioman: Sally Co Kue, Manuel Co Kue and Lyndon Basingan

Danglas: Sotero Abbago, Esther Bernos and Wilmer Borbon

San Juan: Nonito Barbero and Marco Bautista

San Quintin: Amador Diaz

Pidigan: Arnulfo Bisares and Darbie Madriaga

Villaviciosa: George Belmes and Marjorie Lagen

Pilar: Rolando Somera

Tayum: Jovita Elvena and Placido Eduarte Jr

Tubo: Wilma Gattud and Pedro Matias Jr

Manabo: Masayo Domasing and Edito Domingo

Benguet:

Itogon: Mario Godio and Aloysius Kato

Kapangan: Roberto Canuto and Rogelio Dagupen

Tuba: Fernando Aritao, Nestor Baban, Florencio Bentrez and Ignacio Rivera

Tublay: Joseph Cosente, Ruben Paoad, Ben Polig and Remedios Velasco

Sablan: Demetrio Martin and Bony Tacio

Tabako in City Hall

Also this

The Edited Nirvana's SLTS

300

I was drinking with Roland T at Rumours a couple of nights ago when I reminded him of the time when he was not allowed to enter because he was wearing sandals. His repartee to the waiter was: My sandal is much more expensive than your shoes. He was wearing Birkenstock. The waiter offered him socks but we decided to drink at nearby Luisa's Cafe. They ended that rule in Rumours, thank God. But I told Roland and Dennis that if that rule still holds, I would point at my slippers and scream at the top of my lungs, "THIS IS SPARTAN" and decapitate all of them.

Soundtrack: My Girl Lollipop with Choy P on vocals

If Rome Had the Internet

* The destruction of Pompeii in 79AD is the most viewed video at YouTube. The first comment is..."OMG so cool! Volcanos ROCK!"
* Attila the Hun has his own MySpace page. Nobody ever rejects his "invite a friend" emails.
* The soothsayer's "Ides of March" email fails to get Caesar's proper attention as it's inadvertently filtered into his junk folder.
* But at least Caesar's "Et tu Brute?" comment is available as a free ringtone download.
* The domain gladiator.rome sells for the record sum of 1,000,000 denarii.
* The owner of hadriansucks.rome is compelled to hand over both the domain name and selected body parts by an independent domain tribunal chaired by...Emperor Hadrian.
* "Naked Cleopatra" is the top search term on Google.
* Unfortunately, the Queen of Egypt dies an early death after misunderstanding IT's call to embrace an ASP solution.
* Hannibal blogs his way across the Alps with posts like, "Whoops, lost another elephant today."
* But he runs out of money when his PPC budget is plundered by an iberian click scam organized by Publius Cornelius Scipio.
* Tiber.com opens, initially selling scrolls and tablets before expanding to include togas, pottery, and do-it-yourself mosaic kits.
* Websites like handsome-literate-male-british-slave.com pollute the search listings thanks to generous commissions at the slaves.co.rome affiliate program.
* Roman programmers moan about projects outsourced to cheap coders in Mesopotamia.
* The Colosseum is renamed the eBay Colosseum, with free wireless hotspots outside the lark's tongue restaurant.
* The volume of spam collapses when the penalty for not providing a working opt-out mechanism becomes equal billing with the lions at the eBay Colosseum.
* But we still get emails featuring Brunhilda, the lonely Visigoth, and hot deals on cheap peacock livers from Gaul.
* Nobody invents a spam filter good enough for the House of the Vestals.
* Classical geeks wear t-shirts proclaiming, "there's no place like CXXVII.0.0.I" (bonus points if you get that one)
* Finally, Rome burns to the ground while Emperor Nero battles online with Hakkar the Soulflayer in World of Warcraft.

April 1

The joke, of course, is that the politicians start campaigning. Philippine newspapers don’t follow the April Fool’s tradition, which is sad and typical of their editors. Just look at that Ducat hostage crisis. It's all a joke or even a political ploy. Hey! Chavit's rating has flattened out at the 24th spot. He knows his cinematic moves. Had it happened on April 1, the editors would have knew the joke coming. Amogn the April Fool's jokes, the funniest ones include the 1966 joke made by BBC when it came out with a documentary of Italian farmers harvesting spaghetti from “spaghetti plants.” They are also added the dreaded spaghetti weevil. Did they believe it? Hey, even Manilenos still believe that strawberries grow on trees! In 1976, BBC said that Pluto would passing close to Jupiter on April 1 and as a result, the Earth’s gravitational pull would decrease. To offset that, the people would have to jump into the air at precisely 9:47 am. Expectedly, listeners called if the experiment worked. Also at that same time, Radio Norwich of UK also told the story of “color radio” and that there would be disturbance in the tuning lights of radios in the country. Some called that there were indeed flashes of colors in their radio. In 1992, Discovery Channel ran a documentary entitled “Pet Hates” where a “animal expert” condemned the animals for being “sex-crazed, bug-awful, foul-breathed, all-fornicating, all-urinating, disease-ridden, half-wit, furry, four-legged perverts.” Also in 1992, National Public Radio said that Richard Nixon is going to run for president. Those that almost failed is the Paris radio prank when it said that from April 1 on, all Europe would start driving on the left side of the road. Some actually did though no one died. Also in 1989, a Seattle TV station said that the Space Needle fell and destroyed nearby buildings. 911 was jammed and the station had to apologize.

I first encountered this Normal Rockwell April 1 cover in an old Reader's Digest. Try to find the real one because there are 50 mistakes in there.

Why U.S. Senators Can’t Punch Their Way Into an Argument Like the Taiwanese Do: The Philippine Connection

I was reading Uncle John's Bathroom Reader when I came upon this. On February 28, 1902, the US Senate was debating about whether to give aid to the Philippines or not. Senator Benjamin Tillman of South Carolina said that undue influences caused Sen. John McLaurin, also of South Carolina, to change his vote on the matter. Whatever that vote was (very important to Philippines) does not matter to the article. What happened was that McLaurin got so angry and accused Tillman of lying. Tillman punched him in the eye and McLaurin punched him in the nose. Both were suspended for six days. As a result, the senators made Rule 19: “No Senator in debate shall, directly or indirectly, by any forms of words impute to another Senator or to others Senators any conduct or motive unworthy of becoming a Senator.”

Society of Theater Artists Guild Ensemble

I was in the Vito Cruz LRT station with Rene Aquitania and Stingo Romawac. Rene at that time was the enfant terrible of performance art, then still an underground artform. He was the Baguio Batman (suspended himself for three days over a field of toy soldiers at Amapola Cafe) and Stingo was his Robin. Stingo was a mean drummer and I remembered nephew Chavi studying his every move. Rene is now a shadow of his old self and Stingo drowned in a freak accident in the US Navy. But at that time, they were the Batman & Robin, Penn & Teller and Siegfried & Roy of Performance Art. We were the Society of Theater Artists Guild Ensemble, dammit, and for our inaugural event, we invited them for our opening salvo. I was the one who fetched them from Baguio. Our office was at Ferdie Diokno's house near Dela Salle University. This is the house with a basketball court on the roof. Our members were bums like us and some bored professionals who never realized their dreams of being artists in college. Somehow we managed to scrimp money to pay for the duo. I think we sold tickets. We redecorated Ferdie's house. We placed our own Matisse on the walls. Other than Aquitania and Stingo, we had Willi P and another girl who wrote a poem on the huge mirror using Elmer's glue. It was riveting, with the glue as a symbolism for semen I suppose. But it was hell to clean it. As they were scraping it off the day after, the maids were cursing the now transparent poem the same way Ferdie's sister must have been silently cussing us for destroying the wallpaper. Willi's performance was about Icarus falling down from Earth and finding humanity within. The plan is that Willi would swoop down from LRT and cross the street wiht his wings on fire. We went to his mother's former boyfriend who owned a printing paper to get those small spaghetti of paper for the filling of the Earth and the feathers of the wings. The "globe" would be made with newspapers around the spaghettis we got. Then we bought isaw (pig intestines) to serve as the literal "bowels" of the Earth. The wings were made by Willi in the bathroom and the globe by me and some other guy at the garage. The problem with the globe is that we have no frame and instead of being slightly pear-shaped, it became burger-shaped. Performance time. Willi's wings were set aflame but he forgot to put into account the Taft traffic. He was burning and the jeepneys won't let him pass. Imagine the police report had he not crossed in time! He was screaming (not part of the act) and was doused with water (not expected but necessary). Then he did his dance (what an act!) and then swooped on the globe and started rummaging through the paper strips until he scooped out the isaw. We again didn't take into account the fast decomposition rate of isaw and it smelled like hell. But I think the stench and the fire made an awesome effect on the guild members that it set the tone of the evening. It was very well-applauded. Willi said that a professor even asked him if it was about fast food culture and those were spaghetti and meat balls and burgers. By the time Aquitania performed, I was totally zonked out.

Boy Puts Urine In Teacher's Coffee

This is not that story. You can read about it later. This is about Nonoy Marcelo and Santi Bose and Mayor Atienza of Manila. Label this under "artistic anecdotes." The great Nonoy also have this "artistic problem" with shabu and instead of being jailed, he was taken under custody by Mayor Atienza. He was "detained" in his office and one day, the mayor had many guests and the great Nonoy was asked to wash the coffee cups and saucers. Santi, who was telling the story to me, said that the incensed Nonoy "washed" the cups and saucers with his urine, just like the boy did. The guests didn't notice and we had a good laugh with that one. Now, you can laugh with us.

BTW There are great Marcelo drawings in www.bwf.org.

They Got it All

Fanpop said that these women have everything it takes. But knowing my friends, this is an insult to women because it creates stereotypes that an intelligent women should not be byutiful:
1. Natalie Portman: Finished high school with a 4.0 GPA. Attended Harvard University where she completed a Bachelor's degree in Psychology. Also engaged in graduate studies at Hebrew University. Speaks Hebrew, French, Japanese and Galactic Basic fluently. GC, to you C3POs, is the most common language in the universe.
2. Cindy Crawford: High school valedictorian (4.0 GPA), enrolled at Northwestern University to study chemical engineering on full academic scholarship. Dropped out to pursue modeling full-time after a semester
3. Aishwarya Rai: Was an A student at the prestigious Ruparel College in India (part of the University of Mumbai). Wanted to study medicine or zoology but ultimately ended up majoring in architecture. She is fluent in several languages including Hindi, Marathi, English and Tamil (her native tongue is Tulu)
4. Kate Beckinsale: Attended Oxford University (New College) studying French and Russian literature for 3 years. As a teenager she was a two-time winner of the W.H. Smith Young Writers' competition for her short stories and poems. Is also fluent in French, German and Russian.
5. Dr. Victoria Zdrok: Skipped high school and attended college instead. Graduated summa cum laude with a Bachelor's degree from West Chester University (Pennsylvania) at age 18. Obtained a JD law degree in 1997 as well as a Ph.D. in psychology from Villanova Law School and Drexel University. She most recently completed post-doctorate work in sex therapy at the Robert Wood Johnson Medical School.
6. Elisabeth Shue: Attended Wellesley College and Harvard University. After concentrating on acting, she returned victorious to Harvard, completing her degree in Government.
7. Famke Janssen: Attended Columbia University to study literature and writing. Later attended the University of Amsterdam to study Economics.
8. Hedy Lamarr: While her formal educational credentials are not well documented, Hedy Lamarr's biggest claim to fame outside of acting is her joint patent with composer George Antheil for an early version of spread spectrum communication technology (U.S. patent #2,292,387) - a concept that was later incorporated into wireless telephones and internet wifi. She should be called Heady
9. Aisha Tyler: Earned a Bachelor's degree from Dartmouth in Government with a minor in Environmental Policy. Fluent in French Russian and Swahili.
10. Jennifer Connelly: Attended Yale for 2 years (English) then transferred to Stanford to complete her Bachelor's degree. Is fluent in French and Italian.

What's With Dude Then?

The original dude, the O.D. if you will, was surely Lao Tzu, the author of the Chinese classic the Tao Te Ching. Lao Tzu was so incredibly dudeish that no one is even sure if he existed or not. All that we know of him comes from a tale, possibly apocryphal, in which the great sage got fed up with Chinese civilization, and was asked to scribble down his accumulated wisdom before he split, never to be heard from again. Hardly a self-promoter, the ephemeral Lao Tzu never really engendered an iconography – virtually the only enduring image of him can be found in a painting called “The Vinegar Tasters.” And this picture says a thousand words – a sum not much greater than in the entire Tao Te Ching, in fact. In the painting, the three prime movers of Chinese religion are found sticking their fingers in a pot of vinegar and tasting it. The Buddha finds it bitter, that it represents the suffering of mankind. Confucius finds it sour, a symbol of the corrupted state of the world since the legendary Chinese golden age. But Lao Tzu is grinning from ear to ear. To his palate, it is marvelous. If nothing else, vinegar is a crucial ingredient in that most allegorical of Chinese condiments: sweet and sour sauce. “All sunshine all the time makes the desert” goes the Arab proverb. And all sugar all the time, Lao Tzu knew, will make your teeth fall out. More

What's With Slut?

As with so many fraught or politically tricky words, context is everything when it comes to "slut." The word has become so benign that there's at least one "Slut" line of clothing, not to mention lip balm and bubble bath bearing the word.

You could argue that the "slutification" of female fashion has further demolished the barrier between what used to be considered "good" and "bad" girls. But "slut" can still pack a knockout punch of contempt, even when it's aimed at someone who isn't being, well, slutty. For people lashing out against a girl or woman, the four-letter word is – like "bitch" – one of those reflex insults that leap from the tongue. More on sluts

The Chain Letter You Girls Should Get

Not Laarni E. but this:

This letter was started by a woman like yourself, in the hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discontented women. Unlike most chain letters, this one doesn’t cost anything.
Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then, bundle up your husband or boyfriend, send him to the woman whose name appears on top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.
When your name comes to the top of the list, you will receive 16,887 men – and one of them is bound to be a hell of a lot better than the one you already have! Do not break the chain, Have faith! One woman broke the chain and got her own SOB back! At this writing, a friend of mine had already received 184 men They buried her yesterday, but it took three undertakers 36 hours to get the smile off her face and two days to get her legs together so they can close the coffin.
You must have faith!

Our Lady of Fair Elections

Election

This is from Nadine. It was OK except that it will give fodder to those "I-told-you-so-that's-why-I-left-that-country" opportunists. But it is funny alright

Philippine Elections

It all begins when the country's brightest, most highly qualified inhabitants, the young dynamic professionals, citizens who have the potential to make good leaders, get together and examine the country's problems, the state of politics and the long-term national prospects

What happens next?

They decide to emigrate

And after that?

Another group of bright people get together.

What do they do?

They also emigrate

And then?

And so on and so forth

What does any of this have to do with a Philippine election?

When talented, smart and highly qualified potential leaders leave the country all the time, who are you left with?

Retired baskteball players? Toilet comedians? Bad actors and actresses?

Spoiled vicious rich kids? Ageing and debauched hermaphrodites?

You're now ready to hold a Philippine election

How important are elected officials to the Philippines ?

Nobody's been able to figure out an answer to that one

What's at stake in a Philippine election?

Prizes and surprises! Millions in cash! Dream houses! The vacations of your choice! Fun for the entire family! That's from the politician's point of view

How many positions are waiting to be filled in the coming elections?

About 17,000 public offices and a still undetermined number of graves

So it's like a lotto?

Sort of, except that when you lose you could lose your life

Who are qualified to run?

Anyone at all! Generally, any person of any citizenship who's alive, of a certain age, good character and able to summon a mob huge enough to intimidate the Supreme Court

What kind of candidates have the most chances of winning?

ARTISTS who have the CONFIDENCE of the people

You mean "con artists", don't you?

You said it, we didn't

Who are qualified to vote?

Anyone at all. Typically, anyone who's willing to be bussed around and go a hard day's work visiting a lot of precincts during election day.

Talk about parties in the Philippines.Everybody loves going to parties in the Philippines

No, POLITICAL parties

Oh!. Well, in the past there used to be only two parties, the Liberalists and the Nationalists. Now there are several dozen, but they still all fall under two main parties: the Socialites and the Opportunists

What's the difference between the two parties?

Socialites love parties. Opportunists will join any

Explain what this year's presidential elections is all about Did you hear the one about the murderer, the thief, the incompetent and the idiot?

No, is that a joke? That's the presidential election

You're a cynical bastard, aren't you?

No no no, we're not running for office

Why are there so many international observers who come to a Philippine election?

They're fascinated by all the strange phenomena which accompany it

What are you talking about?

Miracles are a dime a dozen during elections here. Vicious criminals suddenly become saintly leaders. Voters fly. The dead cast their ballots.

Morons become national leaders.

Why is the Church so closely involved in elections?

They're also interested in studying the miracles. Also, priests are needed to administer the last sacraments to all the people who're killed

Philippine elections sound like they're really violent and bloody

Not really. Not more than several dozen die on the average. Why that's only a teensy fraction of the population! And everything blows over after election day, so the country can bet back to its usual kidnapping, wholesale graft, hostage taking and coup attempts

How clean are Philippine elections?

Let's put it this way: if Philippine elections were your house you wouldn't want to live in it

What are "guns, goons and gold"?

Three traditional important elements of a successful election. There's a new one: film credits

How come this pamphlet doesn't include a question that goes "why can't all candidates just jump in the lake"?

That question looks like it was just gratuitously put into this article for very naughty purposes. We decline to answer it

How can you tell an election outcome is suspicious?

Power failures in very specific rooms where the counting is taking place.

Numbers that start losing zeroes as the days go by.

Can't the candidates, out of the goodness of their hearts, put a stop to crooked elections?

You really ARE from another planet, aren't you?

Mandaya Moore

"Mandaya Moore, ang Bayot sa Bukid" decided to delete his blog. His is the only telenovela I follow and just when Kismet is going to its denouement, Mandaya offed the show. How sad! Malas daw sa kanyang lovelife. Let's wish him all the luck. For an underrated writer, sana maging masaya ka sa tinahak mong landas

Laarni Enriquez Is The New Nigerian Princess!

Remember the Nigerian moguls, kings and prince who are offering you millions of dollars of money deposited in a Swiss bank as you give a little fraction for adv ance payment? Well, she has turned Filipino. Laarni Enriquez, Erap's mistress, writing as "laan enriquez " has sent me two letter already:

Dear

I am very sorry to had infringe into your privacy without permission I am
Ms.Laarni Enriquez A former mistress of Joesph Estrada But not quite long,
I was arrested, together with his wife and son, in connection with the 27th
July, 2003, failed coup for working in the household of the ex-president
Joseph Estrada .Althought i was later granted bailed as there was no
substantial evidence against me ,

now I have been released but under security watch within state confinement
with limited opportunity to reach the outside world to prove my innocence.
It is my desire to contact you on honesty and sincerity to assist me in
transferring the sum of $17,500,000 Million United States Dollars.

Every other deposit have been confiscated, and seized by the government of
Madam Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo. the President of republic of Philippine,
This is the only one they could not see, being the courier mistress to the
president, I made the deposit in African continent at one of my trips to
Africa.

I am motivated in contacting you and hope to gradually build trust,
relationship and confidence in you as I get to know you better.
So please note the demurrage cost has being taken care of by me.
I am willing to offer you $3.5 Million USD for your effort and input after
the successful transfer of this money for investment with you in your in
your country.

My Regards
Laani

P.S. She is the one on the left. The one in the center is Connie Reyes - Mumar before she married Khadafy. He he he. The other one is Melissa.

LRMQTRMP

I used to know a girl who mouths “Putang ina!” every occasion she can muster. We got so used to her “p.i.” that it never bothered us anymore. One time, she and her boyfriend (whom we didn’t know was her b.f. until they fought in front of us) had a sulian-ng-kandila kind of fight. That’s when she blurted the most emphatic “Putang ina!” we ever heard. The boyfriend simply said, “That doesn’t bother me anymore.” We clapped. It was after all a group we formed for performance arts. But that is reality show. More on that Performance Art thing in later blogs including Willi P’s Angelic Atlas by the LRT performance.
So back to putang ina. I came upon an essay by Mario Teruggi called “Potentiation of a Spanish Insult” which I thought would be very helpful in understanding about what insult is to a macho country.
“Hijo de puta” is the most common personal insult in Spanish and is contracted as hideputa in classic literature. Of course, there is also la puta que de pario or the whore that bore you.
“The English translation is very weak because there is no satisfactory equivalent of parir, since “to bear, to give birth, to foal, to calve” all lack the force and feeling of rudeness of the Spanish verb.
LPQDP has like PI lost its aggressiveness because of overuse. That’s why in Argentina, according to Teruggi, when they are really, really mad, the gauchos use ¡Hijo de puta y al puta que te pario! Or ¡La reputisima madre que te recontra mil pario!
Now the explanacion of the last insult. Putisima is the superlative of puta. Therefore, most whorish. Re- is a prefix used for repetition so la reputisima madre is twice the most whorish mother. Recontra means twice against and mil means a thousand. Therefore LRMQTRMP means “The twice most whorish mother that bore you again and again one thousand times.”
Teruggi even reduced it to an equation:

Insult = 2 X W squared mother … B (1+1) X (1000)
Or, the mother that bore you was twice 2000 times squared a whore.

“Of course, you could always say, ‘Your mother was a billion times a whore,” but it is in the multiplying, doubling and squaring that, in the long crescendo, fills the utterer’s mouth with a resounding and cathartic sonority,” Teruggi said.
Now you would say, why the bother?
Among the Malacanang press kasi, they know that when PGMA and FG start speaking in Spanish, you know they are fighting. There are a lot of things to fight and more so this time. And as PGMA said in her speech during the PMA graduation, SHE READ ME.
She used my story as her guide for her speech. Junjun Dumlao and Harley, don’t get the illusion you were the source. So FYI, when you hear LRMQTRMP from PGMA or FG, you know THEY DROPPED DA BOMB!

The Anti-Desiderata

Go wrathfully among the poised and chaste, and recall what mindless stimulation may be had in noise. As far as possible without surrender, alienate as many timorous little bastards as you can. Prevaricate at volume with Byzantine obfuscation, and listen not to others smarmy bilge: the dull and the ignorant; say yo, whazzup with them? Avoid passive-aggressive personalities as you would the plague; it’s bad enough that they are deadly boring; they’re also a royal pain in the ass.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vexed and bitter. Some news flash there! For always will these bungling fools be lesser persons than yourself, and nine out of ten better paid to boot.

Enjoy your achievement, for what’s that bloody worth, and plan to be reassigned now any day. Keep interested in your career, and don’t neglect to eat some Humble Pie; it is a real nutritious snack say recent articles in Fortune and Time.

Exercise acute paranoia in your business affairs; the world is full of high-strung corporate psychopaths. But let this not blind you to what fate truly holds in store: demented zombie fascist ghouls whose vaunted ideals conceal bloodthirsty plans for jingoistic genocide.

Be yourself, but do not risk detection. Never tell the motherfuckers what you really think. Neither be clinical about love, especially not with that Sweet 16 on Friendster, or your ass is grass.

Eschew the questionable counsel of decrepit hosers, nor willingly follow their drooling downward stagger into the depths of sadly premature senility.

Nurture unhinged hallucinations that everything’s A-OK to shield yourself from suddenly wising up. Neither be distressed you are imaginary things: the recurring fear that fatigue and loneliness are merely prologue. Beyond a wholesome discipline, slip fully into voluntary mental bondage.

You are an orphan of the universe, no less than the trees and the ozone layer and the buffalo. You are cattle. You are chattel. You are in the way.

Whether it is clear to you or not, the economy is growing as it doubly should. Therefore, say your prayers, whatever you hope to gain by that, and whatever your deluded aspirations may have deemed, finding you are a certain loser in the bedlam of life’s lottery, now kiss your sorry ass goodbye.

And yet for all its rampant spam, its government-sanctioned drug cartels and tranquilizer-stifled scream, it’s just too beautiful a deal. Double down, cheer up, dream on: as if you might ever get to cop a slice.

Starve to be happy.

I was in a good mood this Sunday and typed this from Christopher Locke's The Bombast Transcripts. I made two very minor corrections. Other than that, it's pure Locke.

My Site Counter

I only now started my site counter. Dina A, a classmate way way back, emailed me an email of her friend of free site counters. This one I got from the free site counters website which has 150 to choose from. I think this was among the last. Being stupid in these matters, I almost destroyed this blog introducing this. The site asked me what number to start. I humbly opted for "2000." The only fallback is that this counter must be sponsored by a website. The first one was a reducing site. So below the counter is written: Lose Weight. This will alienate many of my visitors. So I chose the next one: Carp Fishing. Who fishes for carp? none. And then it hit me. This was about the fight between MLQIII and my dead friend Allan Maligpas by way Atty. Lambino over the 2 million visitors of his constitutional amendment site. Maybe he started on the 2 million. Hmmm.

Library

I was once asked by Pot about how I would want my books to be arranged. I said, I wanted them by color. She laughed. I was serious.

My Collected Poetry Collection

These are some of my poetry books by non-local poets. There are others like about six Annual Best American Poems and poems from literary magazines like Prairie Schooner, Partisan Review, Antaeus and many more.