Doing It: From "McSweeneys"

FIFTY YEARS OF POPULAR SONGS
CONDENSED INTO SINGLE SENTENCES.

BY MARC HAYNES

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The Beatles, "I Want to Hold Your Hand": I want to do it with you
Marvin Gaye, "Let's Get It On": I want to do it with you.
Led Zeppelin, "Whole Lotta Love": I want to do it with you.
James Blunt, "You're Beautiful": I want to do it with you.
Sir Mix-a-Lot, "Baby Got Back": I want to do it.
Elvis Presley, "Hound Dog": You're doing it with everyone.
R. Kelly, "I Believe I Can Fly": I believe I want to do it with you.
Patsy Cline, "Crazy": I want to do it with you so much I'm going fucking nuts.
Frank Sinatra, "Strangers in the Night": I'm drunk and I want to do it with you.
The White Stripes, "My Doorbell": Using metaphor, I want to do it with you.
Little Richard, "Good Golly Miss Molly": I'm doing it with Miss Molly, and she's totally into it.
Duran Duran, "Rio": I'd love to do that chick dancing on the sand.
The Beatles, "Why Don't We Do It in the Road?": I'd like to do it with you right now.
Carly Simon, "You're So Vain": We used to do it, but then you did it with someone else, and now I'm not going to do it with you, although I wish we were still doing it.
Pulp, "Common People": I once met a stuck-up European who wanted to do it with me.
Radiohead, "Creep": I'm filled with self-loathing, and, though outwardly I hate everything you represent, I want to do it with you.
Kate Bush, "Wuthering Heights": I'm an 18th-century fictional character and I want to do it with another 18th-century fictional character.
Bob Dylan, "Blowin' in the Wind": The Man is currently doing it to you.
Elvis Presley, "Jailhouse Rock": Incarcerated men will on occasion do it with each other.
Meat Loaf, "I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)": Hey! You won't believe what this one chick said while I was doing it with her!
Kings of Leon, "Sex on Fire": I did it with you, and now it hurts when I pee.
Céline Dion, "My Heart Will Go On": Even your death has not stopped me wanting to do it with you.
AC/DC, "You Shook Me All Night Long": We did it yesterday.