Friday, October 27, 2006

Curt Contest Causes Cerebral Celebrity Crash

From Wired Magazine: Hemingway once wrote a story in just six words ("For sale: baby shoes, never worn.") and is said to have called it his best work. So we asked sci-fi, fantasy, and horror writers from the realms of books, TV, movies, and games to take a shot themselves. Dozens of our favorite auteurs put their words to paper, and five master graphic designers took them to the drawing board. Sure, Arthur C. Clarke refused to trim his ("God said, 'Cancel Program GENESIS.' The universe ceased to exist."), but the rest are concise masterpieces

Failed SAT. Lost scholarship. Invented rocket. - William Shatner
Vacuum collision. Orbits diverge. Farewell, love. - David Brin
Automobile warranty expires. So does engine. - Stan Lee
Machine. Unexpectedly, I’d invented a time - Alan Moore
Longed for him. Got him. Shit. - Margaret Atwood
With bloody hands, I say good-bye. - Frank Miller
Wasted day. Wasted life. Dessert, please. - Steven Meretzky
Epitaph: Foolish humans, never escaped Earth. - Vernor Vinge
It cost too much, staying human. - Bruce Sterling
We kissed. She melted. Mop please! - James Patrick Kelly
Lie detector eyeglasses perfected: Civilization collapses. - Richard Powers
I’m dead. I’ve missed you. Kiss … ? - Neil Gaiman
Rained, rained, rained, and never stopped. - Howard Waldrop
To save humankind he died again. - Ben Bova
We went solar; sun went nova. - Ken MacLeod
Husband, transgenic mistress; wife: “You cow!” - Paul Di Filippo
“I couldn’t believe she’d shoot me.” - Howard Chaykin
Broken heart, 45, WLTM disabled man. - Mark Millar
TIME MACHINE REACHES FUTURE!!! … nobody there … - Harry Harrison
Tick tock tick tock tick tick. - Neal Stephenson
Easy. Just touch the match to - Ursula K. Le Guin
K.I.A. Baghdad, Aged 18 - Closed Casket - Richard K. Morgan
WORLD'S END. Sic transit gloria Monday. - Gregory Benford
Epitaph: He shouldn't have fed it. - Brian Herbert
Batman Sues Batsignal: Demands Trademark Royalties. - Cory Doctorow
Heaven falls. Details at eleven. - Robert Jordan
Bush told the truth. Hell froze. - William Gibson
whorl. Help! I'm caught in a time - Darren Aronofsky and Ari Handel
Nevertheless, he tried a third time. - James P. Blaylock
Help! Trapped in a text adventure! - Marc Laidlaw
Lost, then found. Too bad. - Graeme Gibson
Three to Iraq. One came back. - Graeme Gibson
Rapture postponed. Ark demanded! Which one? - David Brin
Dinosaurs return. Want their oil back. - David Brin
Bang postponed. Not Big enough. Reboot. - David Brin
Deadline postponed. Five words enough...? - David Brin
Please, this is everything, I swear. - Orson Scott Card
Osama’s time machine: President Gore concerned. - Charles Stross
Ships fire; princess weeps, between stars. - Charles Stross
Cryonics: Disney thawed. Mickey gnawed. Omigawd. - Eileen Gunn
Clones demand rights: second Emancipation Proclamation. - Paul Di Filippo
We crossed the border; they killed us. - Howard Waldrop
The Axis in WWII: haiku! Gesundheit. - Howard Waldrop
Salinger story: three koans in fountain. - Howard Waldrop
In the beginning was the word. - Gregory Maguire
Commas, see, add, like, nada, okay? - Gregory Maguire
Weeping, Bush misheard Cheney’s deathbed advice. - Gregory Maguire
Corpse parts missing. Doctor buys yacht. - Margaret Atwood
Starlet sex scandal. Giant squid involved. - Margaret Atwood
He read his obituary with confusion. - Steven Meretzky
Time traveler's thought: "What's the password?" - Steven Meretzky
Steve ignores editor's word limit and - Steven Meretzky
Parallel universe. Bush, destitute, joins army. - Steven Meretzky
Dorothy: "Fuck it, I'll stay here." - Steven Meretzky
Will this do (lazy writer asked)? - Ken MacLeod

3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shatner! So uncool he'll never be cool. Paradoxically, that's why he's cool.

8:04 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Shatner is kitsch.

4:37 AM  
Blogger frank cimatu said...

Shatner is so gay.

3:17 PM  

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