Thursday, May 25, 2006

Lordi, Hack Hack Pyow

I am in Manila still attending a workshop. I am just too glad that Taylor Hicks won and so I give you Harper's Weekly:

Gay Iraqis were fleeing the country to avoid being killed by militias. American troops were using lasers to "dazzle" Iraqi drivers who do not stop at checkpoints; if used properly, said a Pentagon spokesman, the laser light will not blind its target. A 4.3-million-square-foot mall opened in the Philippines, and thousands of people protested against affirmative action in New Delhi. Fidel Castro denied that he had a fortune worth $900 million. "Why would I want money," he asked, "especially now that I'm going to be 80 years old?" His doctor said that Castro was in excellent health and could live another 60 years. A man with no legs climbed to the summit of
Mt. Everest, and the mayor of Scottsdale, Arizona, was offended by a new restaurant called the Pink Taco. The Hershey Company opened a new health center to study the benefits of cocoa, and Ray Nagin was re-elected mayor of New Orleans. Scottish scientist Klaus Zuberbuhler found that Nigerian putty-nosed male monkeys say "pyow" to warn of leopards and "hack" to warn of eagles. "Pyow," said a monkey. "Hack hack pyow hack hack." A patent was filed for a Pentagon-funded "controllable launcher for propelling a payload" that can shoot SWAT teams onto the roofs of tall buildings. About 2,000 gallons of Sunny D concentrate leaked into a river in England, killing fish and turning the water bright yellow. Finnish horror rock group Lordi (whose most recent album is "The Arockalypse") won the Eurovision Song Contest, and President George W. Bush promised to uphold "the tradition of the melting pot." Scientists in Germany said that apes can plan ahead.

I know what you're thinking.


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